Friday, February 27, 2009

FBI Ma'am

Our door bell rang. Through the glass window around our front door, I saw a man standing there. I had never seen him before, so I wasn’t gonna open the door. He spoke through the glass, “FBI ma’am. I’d like to have a word with you.” That happened. I can’t make this crap up.

No I haven’t done anything more unusual than the usual. (Wait, there were two times I wrote “John Hancock” as my signature on those store signature pads…but come on man…I was just messin' around.) Thank the Lord…it was something else. The FBI had questions about the people who used to live next door.

You might remember…we had sketchy neighbors that moved out in the middle of the night. Honest, we live in a nice neighborhood with decent people, but scam artists are everywhere. Take Bernie Madoff, the ultimate scam guy with a ponzi scheme…(not to be confused with Fonzi from Happy Days.) The Fonze would never do anything like that.

So the FBI man thought he could enter my house and talk to me. “Geez Agent Thompson, just because you have a badge, a car, a gun, and the phone number to the FBI headquarters (that I called)…I’m supposed to believe you. Like I’m still supposed to open my door and let you in. No way.”

I did eventually cooperate…but I did not let him in my house. I told him I would step outside the front door and answer his questions. I had to be cautious. Colinboy and Wishy were home and what if this guy was really some crazy person…wanting to attack my computer and erase all my blogs? Oh, and hurt my children. I would have a real problem with both.

So the Fed Agent had numerous questions…which I answered after he assured me that the sketchies weren’t dangerous….and not gonna come looking for me down a shady suburban white picket fenced manicured lawn lane. They were just your typical scammers. I assured Agent Thompson, “I could recognize the sketchies if I saw them again.”

I haven’t heard any more from the FBI (or the sketchies, thankfully) since that day. So I guess the coast is clear. I just hope I don’t ever have to identify them in a line up. How credible of a witness will I be…when I show up at headquarters with 4 pairs of eye glasses hanging off me?

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