Wednesday, December 31, 2014

New Year's Eve Creature Comforts

Last Day of the Year...
how did that happen?

So what are your plans for New Year's Eve? 
You've got a couple of hours to come up with something before you're doing nothing.


New Year's Eve can be a crazy time.  
I find it best to stay away from the crazies
(other than those I'm related to) 
that's why I've never been to NYC on New Year's Eve 
to watch the ball drop.  
I don't quite understand the need to stand in the freezing cold with a million other people…
that after the ball has dropped…immediately flushes.  
Then the next 2 hours all people are looking for 
is a toilet to flush.
I prefer to watch the ball from my couch….
more warmth, less crazy, and a whole lot of toilet...
within 10 yards…all to myself.

There are other cities that are copy cats to the ball dropping in NYC.
Atlanta has the peach that drops
Nasvhille has the music note...
but no one tops Brasstown, N.C.
They have the possum drop…
yes sireee...a live possum.

Apparently animal activists went all protest on their 
possum drop.
Not sure why Peta got their panties in a wad
when the little creature is placed safely in a plexiglass cage before the drop.... 

only to be released later into the wild
and then run over.
Nothing like spoiling a Redneck's New Year's Eve.

The town's compromise is to use a dead possum…

I like their spirit.  
Now if I could only watch that possum drop from
the creature comforts of my couch.

See you next year.
(my 7 year-old self...
loves saying 
"See you next year.")

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

"TRADITION" by Katye

Whenever I say the word Tradition
I become Tevye 
from the musical play 
Fiddler on the Roof 
aka Katye
and sing "Tradition" in my best
Russian Jewish peasant accent.
when I'm alone of course. 
never in public. not cool.

This past Thanksgiving 
(like every other Thanksgiving)
 was a replay of tradition
sing it Katye
from our family walk before the feast 
to the game/competition/contest we play every year.

Back in the day...the contests started out tame
with trivia questions about family and the First Thanksgiving
but admittedly 
the games have escalated over the years into something more physical…
think Hunger Games
the only difference?
no child has to die.

Let the Games Begin

Archery contest... 
only blow-up Bambi had to take the arrow.

Shooting contest...
at targets we hung from trees.  
BB guns can be dangerous
like when the gun jams and you check the end of the barrel …and shoot your  eye out.  
That never happened for real.
just in cartoons.
but the resulting eye patch would work great
for our Pirate Party in August.

The game I planned for this Thanksgiving, however, had me 
second and third guessing myself…
especially after PaulA saw that the game
 involved sharp objects and 
gave me that…
What are you thinking Kat? look.

I actually got the idea for our game when I was peeling spuds for PaulA's favorite 
mashed potatoes…
(Remember, I'm going for "Wife of the Year" award and PaulA loves his mashed potatoes.)
As I was peeling away…I got to thinking:
hmmmm….this potato is developing a profile similar to
 Jay Leno.  
why not have a potato carving contest for this Thanksgiving?
And that was how the potato idea was baked. 
not fried.

Initially PaulA thought I was 
half baked…and fried
and that using carving tools 
might involve a trip to the ER…
but alas, 
no fingers were sacrificed 
in the making of any masterpieces.


Although we carved out another great Thanksgiving…
we still missed

and the newlyweds
Chelsea & Austin

during our Hunger Games and Thanksgiving Day Feast.

Luckily for this Kat,
 everyone will be home for Christmas 
and our Christmas traditions.

can you hear me singing in my very best 
Katye accent?

Monday, December 1, 2014

Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit

Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit

The December
 First of the Month...
brings my good luck charm
in holiday form.





It's hard to believe it's already December...
just one month before the Book of 2014 is written and
becomes a dusty book of history
on a crowded shelf of years gone by.

So get out there and write the end of your 2014 story.
Will your story be one of
drama? self help? love and romance? adventure?
maybe a suspenseful giant cliff hanger? 
to be continued...
in 2015?

You be the author.

This Kat is feeling a Superhero story 
for the last month of December...
Urban Legend Katwoman 
buddies up with PaulA
and conquers blogworld...
in a supernatural erotica
redemption, revenge,
rites of passage fantasy.

Okay, very silly...
I took out the erotica part.
The rest is just perfect.

Monday, November 24, 2014

Thanksgiving is Around the Corner

Thanksgiving is right around the corner.
Oh my, what am I saying?
Thanksgiving is not around the corner…
it's at my house, so I better get my rear in gear...
which means shopping with all the other rears running around Stop and Shop.  
For some reason I end up grocery shopping 
during high traffic times 
you know...
when every Uncle Tom, Cousin Dick and Aunt Harriet are bumping carts into each other. 
(excuse me, so sorry, pardon me,

I  enjoy hosting Thanksgiving dinner. 
I love the holiday that focuses on food and family. 

 Ahhhh….comfort food.   
Nothing says "love" like a heaping plate full of 
turkey, stuffing and fix-ins.  
more, please.
And nothing says "Stuffed" like a 
few trips around the buffet.

 With the Thanksgiving dinner 
there are no surprises…
unless when you check your 22 pound turkey and find out 
your oven stopped working half way through (surprise)
and you have to call your neighbor (surprise) 
to use their oven.
(thank you, PattyO)

I find it nice that the meal is the same every year…
folks really don't want you to cook 
outside the recipe box.
They are not looking for fancy chef pants 
foie gras recipes..just their favorites.

This year I was thinking of adding carrots to the menu…
for PaulA. 
(I'm going for "Wife of the Year" award. I hope he nominates me.)  
I've never been a big fan of cooked carrots 
even though I know they are good for my eyesight. 
I just don't see why PaulA likes them…
but now I'm figuring out I need to start eating them, 
that way I'll be able to clearly see 
why he likes them so much.

I actually found a recipe 
that has carrots cooked in a whiskey glaze.  
Lordy, who thinks to add Jack Daniels to food?

I'm guessing either a pure genius, booze hound, or redneck.

Whiskey sounds like a miracle ingredient…
I have no trouble seeing that.

The recipe calls for a 1/2 cup of Jack.  
Not sure what that equals in shots…you do the math,
but it could be dangerous.  
I might have to insist that those eating the carrots 
be over 18. 
may I see your I.D. pleeease
Last thing I need is for my youngest niece,
 Olivia's clear eyes to glaze over 
and have her head fall into her mashed potatoes
after eating my whiskey carrots.


Chelsea, Colin and Brianna 
may have graduated from college, 
but they aren't ready to graduate from the Kid's table. 

Actually all the "kids" have a self-imposed banishment 
from the adult table.
whaaat, are we that boring? 

Our 3 are on the older end of the cousin train, 
but they are all aboard that train when it comes to riding with their cousins.  
Back in the day, during our First Thanksgiving
not the pilgrims and indians 
(but the family elders and little indians)…
we made the adult/kid table split.

We weren't trying to ban the kiddos from the main table…

it was all a matter of numbers.
We couldn't get 22
people around our dining room table.  
Hence, the creation of the Kid's table.  
Seeing we are all about tradition…
we don't plan on messing with the kid's table,
except maybe to call it the "cousin's table."  

In case you are wondering...
I'm still sitting at the "adult table." 
Although, if I eat too many whiskey glazed carrots…
I could get a little randy...
I might be asked to leave.

Gotta get my rear in first gear.
Now that I remembered Thanksgiving is at my house 
and not around the corner…
I better get busy.

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Many Sides to Kim Kardashian

There are many sides to Kim Kardashian…
and thanks to her recent exposure in Paper Magazine, 
the world has seen them all…
her back side and front side.
(And to think we thought she was overexposed before this.)

Gotta give the girl credit…
she actually tried to break the internet.
Unfortunately for Kim, 
she came down on the dark side of FAIL.
Don't you just hate it when you 
try to break the internet…
and the dang thang won't break?
Even after stripping down…
being photographed naked, 
with her massive ass sunny side up,
the internet continues to chug along.
(Next time Kim might want to try putting the internet between her buttocks 
and give it a good squeeze...
that just might break it.)

So what happened after K.K. tried to break the internet?
She became the butt of all jokes.
ba dum dum

I like to look on the bright side...
 parodies like these 
have me splitting a side 
from laughter.

Time to take out the trash.


Kim may be a thorn in our pop culture side,
 but for some reason many continue to be fascinated by her. 
Kim knows what side her bread is buttered on, 
so she must feel like she has to keep revealing more and more of herself.
(She probably used the same butter for her photo shoot. 
I'm pretty sure her ass isn't that shiny in real life.)

Some might want to scold Kim, 
up one side and down the other,
 for deciding to do the photoshoot.

I'm thinking she just woke up one day on the wrong side
of the West bed and didn't give it any thought.

I come down on the side of 
K.K. ignorance...
she should have erred on the side of caution. 

time (along with oil) is on Kim's side...
before some other attention-seeking publicity stunt
grabs the spotlight.

Apparently, some people will do anything for attention…

pose necckked
write blogs…...

(See ya on your flip side, Kim.)

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Thank You Veterans

Today we are grateful for the dedicated service
of the U.S. Veteran Men and women.
We can't thank them enough for their
courage, dedication, and loyalty 
to our country. 
Thank you 
Thank you 
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
 Thank you 
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
(I'll stop here.)

raise the red, white, and blue,
strike up the marching band,
and start the parade
we salute 
our U.S. Veterans.


A special shout-out to my father today...

retired U.S. Air Force.

one more...

Thank YOU.

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Brianna, "Maiden of Honor"

Behind every bride is the
Maid of Honor

(and just before) 
was her sister, 

reassuring and

I actually prefer to call Bri 
Maiden of Honor.
"Maiden" makes me think of 
fair maiden 
and Brianna is by far, 
the fairest of all maidens.

If you've ever been a MOH before…
you know the role is a BIG one.

You are the bride's 
bouquet caddie.

The MOH does whatever it takes 
to make 
the bride happy. 


Rewind -----> 12 years ago.

Chelsea was turning16.
and Brianna, age 11, 
had been working (in secret)
on a surprise for Chelsea's milestone birthday.

When the day arrived,
Brianna handed Chelsea keys and 
told her that her gift
was in the garage.
You should have seen Chelsea's eyes light up...
PaulA and I wondered what waz up?

Chelsea ran to the garage to find her 
new car.

cute license plate
(not sure how Chelsea thought Bri could give her a car, but when you're 16...
anything is possible.)

That's Brianna for you....
creatively thinking 
"outside the box" 
to make Chelsea's 16th birthday 
a special one.

"Young Breezy" 
back then...
already working on her 
MOH status:

the fairest of all 
maidens of honor.


Friday, October 31, 2014

Same Trick, Different Treat

I remember Halloween as a kid. 
I always felt like a kid in a candy store...
actually more like a
kid in a village of candy stores.

On Halloween night, my parents used to let us

eat as much candy as we wanted.
Boy, they were the best.
There was no limit to how much we consumed;
it was up to us ….
if we wanted to gorge ourselves and puke our guts out. 
And I don't remember them checking our candy for razor blades…
or rat poison.
Now, why would anyone want to poison us little devils? 

Being the cautious parents that PaulA and I were, 
we had our own little devils spread their loot out
on the floor

so we could inspect it and
remove our favorites  any unwrapped candy.


Things certainly have changed since we've last trick-or-treated.

This year I heard about a new initiative called the 
Teal Pumpkin Project.  
Participating homeowners put a teal colored pumpkin on their doorstep to show they
are offering nonfood treats for trick-or-treaters with food allergies.

(fyi...if you want to take part, you will have to paint a pumpkin.  
I'm pretty sure you won't find one naturally teal.)

The Teal Pumpkin campaign isn't "anti-candy", but is more about inclusion 

for those with food allergies.
In a nutshell, 
(sorry, I couldn't resist.)
those participating hand out little toys like
stickers, pencils, cards, vampire fangs etc. 

I've heard there are some folks giving out drinks such as bottled water and juice boxes.
Question:  won't kids need a wheelbarrow to haul that load?
i struggle with bottled water from the grocery store.

Some parents who are concerned about nutrition,
 will be handing out healthy foods like
raisins, pretzels, and baby carrots. 
I hope they draw the line at Kale.
I have an eerie feeling that
kids would frown on getting a bag of Kale chips.

I applaud parents that take a healthy stand, 

but this Kat will sit out that challenge...especially for Halloween.
Foods like apples and clementines...
are heavy enough to break a window
when they are returned-to-sender.

A lot may have changed through the years, 
when the little gremlins don't like their treat...
the trick is always the same.

Best Witches for a  Happy Halloween