Friday, December 31, 2010

Got NYE Plans?


The number one question asked today is: What are you doing for New Year’s Eve? Unless you’ve planned something in advance…like a trip to Times Square…or a get-away…you are probably in the same boat as everyone else…the “USS Nothing Really.”

That pretty much sums up what most people have planned in advance for New Year’s Eve. And everyone is looking for options...so they’re not putting their money down, figuratively and literally, unless forced.

For some reason because it’s New Year’s Eve…people feel like their plan should be “really something” instead of “nothing really.” You can’t stay home, drink beer from a funnel, eat wiener schnitzel, and pass out by 10:30 pm. That’s so pedestrian.

You have to don your cool clothing, get together with cool people, clink cool glasses and stay up wicked late. (That is, if you live in Boston.) As the year comes crashing to an end, you have to yell the countdown as you watch the ball drop…5-4-3-2-1. At midnight, you have to kiss everyone near you and risk a monster cold three days later.

Anywhoooooooooooo

This. I. Know. Over the years, we’ve had some successful New Year’s house parties. When one of your guests rides the reindeer you have as a decoration …you definitely know you’ve had a good party.

For some reason...New Year’s Eve parties tend to drag on and on before midnight. But once the clock tower strikes midnite...it’s suddenly 3 am...and someone is mounting Rudolph. Ya hoo.

I always have mixed emotions on New Year’s Eve watching Dick Clark’s ball drop in New York City. And this year will be no exception. Happy...that I am not shoulder-to-shoulder with 20,000 maniacs in Times Square. Sad...when I hear the depressing Auld Lang Syne song. (Couldn’t we get a happier song?) And perplexed...that Dick Clark is still on....(Did someone say train wreck?) WTH?

So PaulA and I are working on our options for this New Year’s Eve so we won’t be stuck aboard the "USS Nothing Really."

This. I. Know. For. Sure. Tonight we’ll awkwardly watch an awkward Dick Clark. I’ll cry when I hear Auld Lang Syne. And we’ll reminisce about the New Year’s Eve when our reindeer decoration was ridden like nobody’s business.

Happy New Year!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Armed and Dangerous


I have a bad case of gadget philia. I LOVE new technology. I could be considered a gadget guru. Thank God I wasn’t born in an era when the biggest advancement was the metal washboard. As far as I’m concerned, even washing machines that wash and dry could use some advancements. They should at least fold.

The latest piece of technology I’ve added to my arsenal is the “Droid.” I love everything about the Droid...especially the name. And when a text comes in...it even says “Droid” in a robot voice. Love it! I am now so loaded down with technology that I am considered armed and dangerous.

I hadn’t planned on adding the Droid, but I found myself in a Verizon store because Wishy conveniently needed a new phone two days before Christmas (after Santa had already made and wrapped all her gifts.) Poor Wishy’s Blackberry was making her blue because it wouldn’t charge anymore. (Wait, I wonder if that pencil I saw her sticking into the side of her Blackberry had anything to do with the problema?)

Verizon was offering a twofer...or like they call it a “Buy one, Get one free”...or like I call it..."Buy one, Spend more money." And of course, Bri wanted to trade-up...not sideways. What’s the fun with an even Steven trade? Much more fun to go with an advance Lance trade-up. (Lance is always more fun than Steven.) So it was One Droid for Wishy...One Droid for Kat.

There is so much to know about the Droid, a device that can do just about anything. You can sit and play around with it for hours. And you should, otherwise it would be like owning a Porsche and never driving it over 40mph. Or owning a computer and only using it for email.

Anywhoooooooooooooooo......................................

Now I own a device for every mood.

Desktop...Old school mood
Laptop...trendy Starbucks cool mood
iPad...app mood
iPod... chillin’ with my earbuds mood
Droid phone...multitask mood

Granted, there is a lot of overlap between my devices...so I probably don’t need them all...but I could never part with anyone of them. They are my children. I love them all equally.

But if my wash machine could wash, dry, fold, balance my checkbook, and make me look 10 years younger...I would quickly do an advance Lance.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas


Auto-Reply Message:

I am currently out of my blog chair. For some reason...my family is insisting. I will resume the blogging growing ass position very soon. Oh, and please feel free to leave any comments. I don’t bite. Remember…Kat’s just scratch.

Merry Christmas to YOU and YOURS.

Friday, December 24, 2010

T'was the Night Before Christmas


I miss having little kids at home believing in Santa. The excitement, the anticipation, the sugar-high. Sweet little ones in footy pajamas…going to bed with visions of sugar plums, tiny reindeer, and Santa in their heads.


Question: Who first told your kids that Santa Claus and his 8 reindeer were a bogus, fictitious sham? I would venture to say, they were told by someone at school...someone who enjoyed every moment of ruining the charade. I’m guessing that kid had his own Santa fantasy ripped prematurely from him, so he was returning the favor. Merry Jingle Balls Christmas.

We never discussed the existence, non-existence, or existentialism of Santa with our three and they never questioned us…maybe because Jingle Balls Brian wasn’t in their class to spill the Santa bag…. or maybe because our kids didn’t want to mess up a good gig.

So they kept the charade going: (Okay, so the ‘rents say there’s a big guy in a ratty ole suit who flies around the world in a sleigh pulled by 8 tiny reindeer…and he shimmys down 8 trillion chimneys in ONE night. As long as the payday keeps coming…why open our mouths and ruin a good thing?)

I’m not so sure that our three children didn’t get together and conference, “What do ya think? Katwoman and PaulA as Santa??? Nah, they couldn’t be Santa. Although…Kat is filling out those red velvet pants.”


Anywhooooo……..……….


In our house…WE BELIEVE in the true meaning of Christmas…and also in the spirit of giving and sharing...St. Nick Style.



Countdown to Christmas – Day TWENTY-FOUR

Merry Christmas Eve

Santa Claus is coming…to a hood near you.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Are We Having Fun Yet?


Christmas will be here in two days…ready or not. Hopefully you’re ready…or almost.


Christmas is a happy, festive time of year…but before you can get down to the business of fun, there are many “chores” to be done. Which, if any, is your favorite?


Could it be bringing up the boxes stored in the basement, putting up outside lights, hanging garland and wreaths, decorating the inside of the house, finding a tree, setting the tree up, stringing lights, putting on ornaments, sending cards, baking cookies, coming up with gift ideas, shopping for gifts, dealing with crowds at the Taj MaMall, standing in long lines at the Post Office, paying the bills?

Are we having fun yet?

My favorite worstest job …is stringing lights on the tree. Yep…lights out, it is definitely the worst. Somehow I have become the resident tree Lighting Designer…but that’s probably because PaulA has already tied the dang thang to the roof of the car, squeezed it through the back door, moved the furniture around, put it in the stand, and worked to get it straight. And then have me say… “It’s crooked.”

Are we having fun yet?

So it’s only fair that my job is to wrestle with tree lights. Untangle them from square knots. Test strands to make sure they’re working. Get the female and male parts to “hook-up.” (Oooh la la.) Balance on a stool to reach the top. Get stabbed by bristly needles.

Are we having fun yet?


Oh, and my second favorite worstest job is…facing the woman at the Post Office. She can scare a Kat away any day of the year…but during the holidays…she drinks the mean juice.

Are we having fun yet?


Anywhooooooo………………..


Hopefully your “chores” are done and you can kick back and enjoy…so you’re having fun…NOW.


Christmas Countdown – Day TWENTY-THREE


Walking around in a joyous mood…chores are done. “It’s a Wrap.”

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Scary Santa


Back in the day, our kids had a special request on Christmas Eve: “Santa, Do not come in. Leave the presents at the door.”

They were scared out of their minds by The BIG Guy. Was it his rugged rough looks? The long, white natty beard, rosy wind-burned SLASH alcohol-flushed cheeks, the Jack Nicholson-ish twinkle in his eye, the Heavy Weight Champion of the World belt buckle?

I actually think they were okay with his looks...they have seen their mother without make-up. They just didn’t want this strange man entering our house.


Think about it what it’s like…you’re 8 years old and you’re lying in your bed on Christmas Eve. You know the stranger will be creeping around your house in a matter of hours. And you’re supposed to sleep?

Most people think kids can’t sleep on Christmas Eve because they’re shaking with excitement…thinking about the toys Santa will bring. But in fact, they’re shaking with terror…remembering those stranger/danger talks.


They’ve been taught all year about the dangers of strangers…and now suddenly it’s okay for a creep to enter the house in the middle of the night while the whole house sleeps? Now all the talks go out the window??? Or down the chimney?


Anywhoooooooo……….

On Christmas morning…after our kids saw the truck load of toys that were dumped on them…the stranger/creep was deemed a good guy. They decided “Hey, not all strangers are bad. The creeper is a keeper.”

Which was cause for my concern…when a couple of days later in Blockbuster, I noticed the kids gravitating towards a large man in a ratty bad suit, donning a black chapeau.

It was time to have “that talk” again.


Christmas Countdown – Day TWENTY-TWO

“I’ll be home for Christmas.”….Those lyrics express my favorite part about Christmas.
Wishy is home. Big C is home. Colinboy is a homie. (jk) Can’t wait until Colinboy comes home and completes us.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Man VS Tree


Who hasn’t had a decorated Christmas tree fall over…at least once? A Christmas tree disaster is a horrifying event.

To enter the room and find your tree flat, horizontal on the floor, is like entering a police crime scene…and seeing the chalk outline of a dead body. I know this because it has happened to us 2 and a half times. (The tree silly, not dead body.)

So you were wondering…How is it possible for a tree to fall half a time? So nice of you to ask, thank you. Well…I caught the tree in the act of falling before it hit the floor…so technically this makes it half a time.


I had just finished putting on the last glass ornament and the 12 foot tall, 5 foot wide tree started falling. I quickly stuck my hand through the branches and grabbed hold of the trunk. And then screamed for help.

But help never came.


The kids weren’t home and PaulA was in the basement running on the treadmill …watching the Patriots on TV with the volume on 50. There I stood, with my face planted in the tree. The pine needles smelled great...but they hurt like hell as they scratched my arms and poked my eyes. The tree got heavier and heavier, as I listened to the sound of PaulA's pace on the treadmill and the Patriots game in the distance.

Anywhooooooooooooooooooooo………………………..

As out-of-luck would have it…that day PaulA decided to be treadmill marathon man so we both worked up a sweat with every minute that passed. Finally, PaulA stopped and heard my distant cries for HELP and came to my aid. I had held on through a decidedly tough brush of Man vs Tree...and perservered.

I was NOT about to give in. Over my dead body, there would be a Christmas. Put the chalk away....this was not to be another crime scene.



Christmas Countdown – Day TWENTY-ONE


This is a FIRST that I’ve been this organized for Christmas...and I don’t even drink Red Bull. Big C comes home at midnight! Gonna watch UCONN Women’s basketball tonight. They are ONE WIN away from the longest winning basketball streak EVER. Go UCONN.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Lick or Click?


Oprah has her favorite things…and I have mine. During the holidays, I live for the holiday cards…Merry Christmas cards, Happy Hanukkah cards, Kwazy Kawanza cards. I watch my mailbox from the window and wait for the mailman to come around the corner. “Close your door dude, you’re gonna fall out.”

Think about it, at what other time of the year do you actually receive snail mail…hand delivered by a letter carrier? Old School style…not the electronic inbox: “You’ve got mail.”

Getting cards out in the mail can be a monumental task so I appreciate the time involved around the process. I know how tricky it is if you want to include a family photo, especially one with your dog…and have the dog looking straight into the camera and not licking his privates.


Then there is the tedious process of addressing the envelope, stamping it, and licking the envelope. Yuck! Maybe the family dog could help by putting his tongue to better use. “Oh Duncandog…I have a project for you.”

Anywhoooooooooooo………

With today’s technology…there are many short cuts to the whole process…especially if you are computer savvy. Like using the computer to make cards with photos you’ve upload, downloaded, and off-roaded.

The family newsletter is a great shortcut to writing letters to everyone and helps alleviate writer’s cramp. I like reading newsletters…until I realize how painfully average we are as a family.


Although I’m partial to an Old School holiday card, I do appreciate email greetings. The big advantage with receiving email is that you don’t have to worry about “who” or “what” licked the envelopes.


Christmas Countdown – Day TWENTY


Five more days. This is the first year I’m actually in good shape…Okay, I’m talking preparedness for Christmas.


House decorated - check
Tree decorated – check
Cards sent - check
Presents shopped - check
Presents wrapped – check
Groceries shopped – check
Booze bought –Double check


Wishy is home – time to go stare at her.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Situation


During the holidays there is just so much food to be had…to be eaten…to be applied...to the thigh and butt area. I understand where Santa gets his girth.

Think about St. Nick…he’s constantly around food. There’s at least 1,000 calories waiting for him at the bottom of every chimney. Millions of kids have left him cookies and milk and he’s expected to consume it all.

Another Christmas…another trip around the cookie world. There’s Snickerdoodles in Switzerland…Toffee in Thailand…Peppermint Pinwheels in Portugal…Gingerbread in Germany. And to wash it all down…Finlandia in Finland (which can lead to hazardous sleigh driving.)

Rumor has it that back in Santa’s younger years, he was svelte and ripped. He was known in the North Pole as Santa the Playboy…but that was before Mrs. Claus bagged him. After too many years and too many cookies…everything slid to his equator.

Anywhooooooooooooo………………………

I found this picture of St. Nick back in his younger years…back when he was Nick with the six pack…and not the six he was dropping off for PaulA. Back then he had dark hair and liked to walk around without a shirt. I’m just saying….a young Santa could have given Mike "The Situation" a run for the Jersey Shore…no doubt.



Before Santa began hitting the “milk” and cookies…he had it…and liked to flaunt it...especially after a good session of GTL.





Countdown to Christimas – Day SIXTEEN


Went to PattyO’s annual “To Heck With the Cookie" Party for laughs, libation, LCR, swap and spit. Okay, not the spit part….


Mailed half the Christmas cards.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Duncandog's 12 Days of Christmas


We all know that through the years, prices have skyrocketed…especially on essential every day items…gas, food, and Bon Jovi tickets. So it only makes sense that the gifts in the Christmas song "The 12 Days of Christmas" would come with a hefty price tag.

At today’s prices…purchasing all 78 of the gifts mentioned in the 12 days of Christmas would cost your true love a whopping $96,000. But Duncandog’s gifts to Kat come at a cheaper price. They don’t cost him a thing…no hair off his furry ass…sorta speak.

Anywhooooooooooo…………………………

I've taken the liberty of changing the words to the annoyingly popular Christmas tune: The Twelve Days of Christmas - gift-giving from Duncandog.

In an attempt to spare you the pain of all twelve verses…I’ve cut to the (dog) chase and went straight to the last verse.


Sing with me now……………….

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas
My Duncandog gave to me:

12 years of living
11 deer ticks carrying
10 nylons ripping
9 leashes pulling
8 treats a begging
7 butts a sniffing
6 tails a wagging
5 EATEN SHOES
4 booming barks
3 face licks
2 burnt-out lawns
And a large poop on my kitchen rug

This new version may soon become another annoyingly popular Christmas favorite.


Countdown to Christmas – Day FIFTEEN

I put the little white candles in all the windows. Note to self: Put timers on your Wish list.

Alert: 10 days of shopping before Christmas. If you still have more shopping to do...you’re running out of time to order gifts online and have them arrive before Christmas. Looks like you’ll have to enter the dreaded…Taj MaMall Triangle...where many a shopper's money has disappeared.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Join the LOSER Club


Everyone hates to lose. Unless, of course, you’re on the show The Biggest Loser. On that show…The Biggest Loser always wins.

Most times, however, it sucks to lose. NO ONE likes it. And some people are really BAD LOSERS…they pout and walk around grumbling, “I’m a loser baby, so why don’t cha kill me?”

They say, “No one likes a bad loser.” Does that mean, we like a good loser? I don't agree. If you’ve become too good at losing…you’ve reached loser status. I’m just saying…you’re looking kinda dumb with your finger and your thumb in the shape of an “L” on your forehead.

Anywhoooooooo……….....………

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose (Carol King sang it best.) And it’s never fun to lose…especially your cell phone, your keys, and your cookies all in one night. Very. Rough.

But one thing for sure…….

You can’t lose by checking out Dear Havanah’s new single….LOSER. It’s a cover of the 90’s Beck song…and a definite winner.

And just so you don’t lose your way…here is the link: http://www.dearhavanah.com/

Join the LOSER Club…and download your copy of Dear Havanah’s “LOSER”…TODAY.


Countdown to Christmas – Day Fourteen

Some costs of Christmas

Packages shipped at Post Office….$25.50

Lights and ornaments on tree…blood, sweat, and tears

Tree still standing…priceless

Monday, December 13, 2010

The Original Yankee Swap

This holiday season I was invited to a Yankee swap and I got to thinking (I’m always thinking, even during the holidays)… Does anyone know why it’s known as the “Yankee Swap” and not the “Rebel swap”? What is it about the Yankee mentality that makes them want to swap? Is it a flaw in character? Questions, questions, questions.

We know northerners have the reputation of being cold, pushy, and fast-paced. Apparently this is inline with what goes on at a Yankee swap…with stealing, grabbing, and trash talking. “Hey you @#$%, that’s my gift now…hand it over. Let’s fight.”

A Rebel swap probably would be run a little differently…more polite. “If ya’ll want my gift, go ahead. What’s mine is yours. Would you like a sweet tea?”


Anywhooooooooooooooo…………………..

Hmmm….I’m on to something. (Not to be confused with: I’m on something.) The reason the Yankees Baseball team has been so good over the years is because they are masters at the game of stealing and swapping. The Yankees are the original Yankee Swap.

This season, if your favorite gift or baseball player…gets stolen. Remember, there's no crying in Yankee swaps or baseball.


Whaa…whaa…whaa.


Ps. Happy Birthday Shout-OUT to Frankie, one of my faithful (and commenting) blog readers…the best kind.


Christmas Countdown – Day THIRTEEN


I started addressing Christmas Cards. (Got writer’s cramp?) PaulA put the tree in the stand. (Got decorations?) I bought a few gifts. (Got cash?)

Friday, December 10, 2010

Acting Chops


Some actors work their entire career hoping to sink their acting chops into a larger-than-life role. We have a member of our family who has had such a role and received notoriety at a young age.


Exit stage left: Meryl Streep
Enter stage right: Brianna

Brianna’s larger-than-life role?? Baby Jesus.
.
Anywhooooooooooo……………….

The director of our church Christmas pageant had casted Chelsea, age 5, as an angel…and Colinboy, age 3, as a sheep herder. After getting one look at Wishy, the director was immediately interested in her for the role of Baby Jesus.

Brianna had all the attributes needed to play the role. She was a director’s dream. She could sit up without slumping forward. Her temperament was calm and serene. She had the face of a cherub, with the most beautiful peaches and cream complexion…and her best attribute for the role of Baby Jesus…she was a baby. Brianna was 6 months old.

I was the typical stage mom…of course. Doting on my child...demanding special privileges; front pew seats for my family and friends…requesting special products in her dressing room; extra Huggies and binkies. I know I was a little over the top with all the demands but…Come on folks…we are talking the Baby Jesus.

I was so proud of Sweet Wishy. She did a great job of sinking her acting chops into the role…especially with only having two teeth to work with.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Re-gifting


What do you think of the practice of re-gifting? Do you approve or disapprove? Have you ever re-gifted or been the recipient of a re-gift (that you are aware of)? I have been on both sides of re-gifting.

A re-gifter should not be confused with an Indian giver. (Note to self: never use that expression…very offensive.) A person who gives a gift doesn’t ever expect to receive the same gift back…although sometimes it finds its way back. I call that the “boomerang gift.”

Years ago, I mailed a child's birthday gift…and low and behold…it came back 3 months later. The boomerang gift…the gift that keeps on giving.

So what is the etiquette of re-gifting?

Do NOT re-gift anything monogrammed…especially when the initials don’t match up.
Do NOT re-gift something you have opened or licked.
Do NOT leave old name tags attached.
Do NOT re-gift something out-dated, dirty, or dusty.

I would like to add:

Do NOT re-gift partially used gift cards…especially with odd amounts ($37.09)

Do NOT re-gift half eaten food items.


Anywhoooooooooooooooo…………………….

My own re-gifting incident didn't involve an unwanted gift I was pawning off. It was a bottle of wine and all gifts involving fruit-of-the-vine (NOT LOOM) are wanted by this Kat…Honest Injun. (Sorry. Again, totally unacceptable expression.) I was in a hurry and needed a hostess gift…so I re-gifted. I actually didn't want to give the nice bottle away. Too bad I don't practice Indian giving, I could have gotten it back. (Like I said before, very offensive.)

I do admit, however, of thoughts of re-gifting my dusty, dirty wok…cracked crystal bowl...and Whitman’s Sampler (Minus the caramel.) Ahhh, caramel…my favorite.

Christmas Countdown – Day EIGHT

Hmmm…What did I do to get ready for Christmas today??? Absolutely Nada.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

A Slow Death

OMG. Alicia Keys laid out in a coffin. Lady Gaga outstretched in a pine box. Justin Timberlake horizontal in a casket. Kim and Khloe Kardashian...sarcophagus bound?

This might sound like the Living Dead, but it is Alicia Keys's way of bringing attention to her charity..."Keep a Child Alive." In an effort to put the spotlight on her charity, she recruited other celebrities to join her in a digital death. Their plan was to "sacrifice their digital lives" in order to raise money to fight HIV/AIDS in Africa and India.

On December 1st the celebrities swore off social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter and signed off until they reached their goal of 1 millian dollars in donations. When I first heard about the publicity stunt...I wasn't sure if it was a threat or a promise. I had hoped it was a promise.

Apparently there are many others who felt the same...because Alicia and her friends are still ding dong dead. It is December 6th and they have raised 300,000 dollars. At this point her stunt to raise money appears to be dead in the water. I'm still laughing....and I'd be rolling over in my grave if I, too, had died a digital death. But I'm happy to report I'm blogging, facebooking, and tweeting.

Anwyhooooooo...........

Alicia Keys is doing the right thing by bringing attention and support to her charity, but she went about it the wrong way. The problem lies in the fact that she made it more about her and her friends than the act of giving and her charity. That's the problem with brain dead celebs who have over-inflated egos....it's always about them.

So...her campaign backfired...probably because people are dead tired of being manipulated. In the end, she will raise the money...but probably after she gets a big donation from "Anonymous"....who you just know is gonna be her husband...because he feels sorry for her and doesn't want her embarrassed anymore. Especially when she thought they would be resurrected and back online in a matter of hours.

Alicia would have been better off donating the money with all her celebrity friends...and been a good example of generosity and goodwill.

I love Alicia Keys and her songs...but she was dead wrong with this one. "Noone" was "Fallin" for this publicity stunt. It is so hard for me to keep a straight "Poker Face" and not die from laughing.

ps. Just as I finished writing this blog...a pharmaceutical billionaire with a dead pan look gave $500,000 ....to help raise them all from the dead.

Countdown to Christmas....Day SEVEN

Today marks Pearl Harbor Day and Aunt Mary's birthday....one day is a bomb and the other is da bomb! ShoutOUT to Mary,"Happy Birthday." I finished decorating the house...and it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. We don't have a tree yet...probably get one this weekend....but I hear Big C has one in Hotlanta!!!

Monday, December 6, 2010

What are you in for?


I love a laundry mat…especially a clean one without broken down washers, dryers, or people. Granted I don’t go all the time. I’m sure if I had to schlep my butt and basket of clothing every week I wouldn’t be as excited.

I love that the washers are so big…you can get a lot accomplished at one time. But the bigger the washer, the more quarters they eat. Luckily laundry mats these days can make change for bills up to ten bucks. I put in a ten dollar bill and I felt like I won at the slots when 25 quarters fell out…which is waay better than I do at Mohegan Sun.

Anywhooooooooo…….........…

The big question when doing your laundry at the Mat is: “What are you in for?”

I was in for a couple of comforters. I looked around me to see what the others were in for.

There was a woman in for scatter rugs. A young man in for tons of blue jeans. Another woman in for blankets. And an old man in for some towels and white handkerchiefs. (Someone needs to tell him about disposable paper tissues. This is 2010.)

After I put everything in the wash I sat down and listened to the machines working all around me.

……….filling, agitating, spinning, rinsing, tumbling, drying………

I loved the sounds they made as they hummed and whirled away. The Mat was quiet except for the sounds of the machines. People were either dozing, reading, or thinking….

…..Until a man walked in with a hands-free phone head set…talking loudly, like he was Mayor of the Mat. “Can you hear me now?” I almost stood up and said to him… "Hey, I can hear you now. This is a zone-out zone…so zip it.”

I think The Mat should be kept as hallowed ground for man and machine…a quiet place where man becomes symbiotic with machine…where people are permitted to go deep in thought without interruption.

Obama might want to think about doing his laundry at a Mat in DC. The quietness and solitude could be beneficial to him. Maybe it would help Obama to arrive at better policy decisions. One thing for sure: The Mat definitely is a good place for dirty laundry to be exposed…waaay better than WikiLeaks.


Countdown to Christmas – Day SIX

I hung the Advent Christmas tree calendar…which serves as a constant reminder of how little time I have left before Christmas and how much I’ve procrastinated. I miss having Wishy home to move the little ornament for each day onto the tree. I hung the wreaths on the doors...and started to put up decorations from the boxes that PaulA brought up from the basement in-between plays during the Giants game.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Face This


I have mentioned before that I’m on Facebook, but without a face. So technically, I’m not Facebooking. (Isn’t it amazing how words like “Google” and “Facebook” first started out as nouns and morphed into verbs. I find that fascinating…but it doesn’t take much.

About a year ago, I set up a Facebook account, but then I chickened out and didn’t use it…for two reasons. (Chickened is also a verb. Which came first the chicken or the Facebook?)


The first reason I chickened out: I didn’t want a cool social network thing to be ruined by a fart of my age.


The second reason I chickened out: If I started farting…I mean Facebooking, I might turn into a Facebook addict and then I might end up mainlining Facebook more than mainlining my blog. (BTW, a Facebook addiction or blog addition is more socially acceptable than a fart addiction.)


Anywhooooooooooooooo…………..


After a year, I signed onto Facebook and saw that I had some “friend requests pending.” I hope the people “friending” (also a verb) me didn’t think I was snubbing them. I just hadn’t committed myself (interesting choice of words)…to the Facebook culture.


Anyway, I’ve decided to do an about face…and put my face out there. I think it might actually help me with my blog addiction…Facebook is very ripe with material. Plus I can easily pull the face off my book if anyone from my past shows up online to stalk, bully, or even the score.


It looks like I’m gonna be kept very busy from now on with all this…blogging, facebooking, texting, googling, and friending. Sure makes me wonder what the hell I did before all these nouns became verbs.


Christmas Countdown -- Day THREE


I designed our Christmas card online through Shutterfly and I hope the Fam approves. I know I’ll hear about it if they don’t. But it will actually be too late…they are ordered. Sorry Mateys.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

So Boring...


I’m so bored.” “I have nothing to do.”

I remember when my kids would mope around the house…head hanging…feet dragging…voice moaning. Bored to tears.

So I’d try to help by thinking of things for them to do...of course, a chore was never high on their list. Emptying the dishwasher wasn’t a viable suggestion. It was a life sentence.

So I’d rack my brain for ideas…and they always had an answer.

“How about going outside and play?” “It’s raining.”

“How about playing something with your brother or sisters?” “Colin won’t play with Ken.” “Bri and Chels won’t be Ninja warriors.”

How about playing a board game with each other?” “Games are boring. Wishy cheats at board games.”

“How about playing cards?” “Cards aren’t fun.” Wishy cheats at cards.” (hehe)

“How about reading a book?” "I don’t have a book report due."

“How about I take you all to Disney World, go on all the rides, have meals with the Disney characters, visit the water parks, and I buy you lots of Disney stuff?” “That sounds pretty good.”

Anywhooooooo…………

I read online that THE most boring day since 1900 was determined to be April 11, 1954. On that Sunday, a Turkish academic named Abdullah Atalar was born, and a soccer player named Jack Shufflebotham died. That was about it. No major events occurred that day.

Apparently the computer programmer who used algorithms to determine the uneventful day, was bored and looking for something to do. So now that 4/11/54 has been given the distinction of “Most Boring”…it isn’t so boring anymore. Go figure.

If my kids were living at home and still bored to tears…I would say go surfing (yes, even in CT.) They could surf the net, surf hundreds of cable TV channels, sidewalk or street surf, and crowd surf at a concert. Oh and there is also a delicious Surf and Turf dinner at the Red Lobster.

Doesn’t everyone eat when they are bored?

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Christmas Count-Down -- Day TWO

Received our very first Christmas Card of the season. Wow, some people really are on the Christmas ball. This got me thinking about different ideas for our Christmas Card…and then I hit the refrigerator. I do my best thinking on a full stomach.

Got another email from Wishy about her Wishlist. Keep Wishing....

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Christmas Count Down - Day ONE


It’s hard to believe that Christmas morning will be upon us in 24 days. I’ve decided to write each day what I’m doing to get ready. Maybe it will help me to be more organized this year…or MAYBE NOT. So I’m writing a blog about writing a blog about counting down to Christmas ….Huh?

Thankfully, today I finished putting away the Thanksgiving/fall decorations. (Whaaat, you haven't done that yet, Kat?) As far as I'm concerned, Christmas is scheduled way to closely to Thanksgiving. I propose that there be an extra week in-between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Note to self: Get ahead of the game next year…decorate with Christmas d├ęcor for Thanksgiving. Call it: ThanksMAS.

I cleverly received an email from Wishy with direct links to order a few things for her for Christmas. I’ll forward the email to Santa and see what he thinks. I also found a list of “Things Chelsea Wants” on my iPad in my To-Do Notes. Hmmm…I wonder how that got there.

It’s raining Kats and Dogs, so today is a good day to stay home and bring up the boxes of holiday decorations from the basement. Hmmmm. I think I’ll wait until PaulA gets home……….

Gift-Giving Mandate


When buying gifts for your children…do you make sure everything is same-same, even-Steven, double-duplicate? Do you get out the ruler, scale, and calculator to make sure they each have the same in number, cost, weight?

Are you careful to be fair? Maybe you use the Distributive Property when applying gifts.…….a(b + c) = ab +ac. Therefore…Apple Computer (Bri + Col) = applecompBri + applecompCol. When the Law of Distribution is properly applied…both Colin and Bri get apple computers. And Santa is plum out of apples.

Sometimes it is hard to even the score when children are at different ages. Gifts for older kids tend to cost more… iPads, iPhones, iCars. Twenty-five dollars for a 4-year old can be stretched to buy…a Barbie, silly putty, socks, and a pencil. For a 24-year old, it might buy 1 mg of a camera memory card. The younger kid looks like they are getting a lot more. Let’s face it…younger kids are getting more…more crap.

Then there are those kids who get a lot of presents because they’ve been good all year…everyone knows Santa gives the “good” kids more...and the “naughty” kids less.

Sometimes it’s wise to set a clear MANDATE on gift-giving to your family. A DECREE. “This year we are sticking to a budget.” “This year we are getting only practical gifts.” “This year we are spending less on us and giving more to the poor children because Santa does a fly-by.”

Anywhooooooooooooooo………..

How much is enough when it comes to gift-giving at Christmas? I think we tend to overdo it…mainly because of the media and people like Oprah. Did you see “Oprah’s Favorite Things Show"?

It was nice that Oprah’s audience consisted of people who give to others…putting them at the receiving end this time. But...did Oprah need to give ALL those material things?

When she gave out Nike sneakers…she gave out 4 pair to each person. A Netflix subscription…for 5 years. Flat screen TV AND a Blue-ray player. New outfits, cashmere sweaters, etc. AND a new closet to put them in. Plus a 7 day all-expenses paid Caribbean cruise including flight.

I can be a material Girl…as good as Madonna…but Enough Already. Oprah makes it seem like gift-giving has to be OVER THE TOP to be worthy or fun. The audience went bonkers when she kept piling on the gifts…making us feel like we should be doing the same.

Wait, I think I hear voices in the distance. It's my kid’s making a MANDATE for Christmas: “This year SantaKat should be more like Oprah.”

PS. rabbit, rabbit, rabbit