Friday, December 28, 2012

New Year's Resolutions


that's the sound of time….
running out.

Whatever your new year's resolutions were for 2012...
you now have 
3 days left
 to complete.

Gee, all I have to do is
get fit and learn Chinese
in the next 72 hours...
and I would have fulfilled 
2 of my 10 resolutions.


I like to make resolutions….
but I never hold myself to them.
I figure,
why depress myself ?

Especially when I can just roll them over to the next year.

This year will be different.

This year I've decided to only make reservations
that only rhyme with 

go green
drink more caffeine
visit the Chapel Sistine
dress up for Halloween
get the flu vaccine 
wear sunscreen
get lean and mean 
clean the latrine
eat a saltine with protein
don't cause a scene
milk umpteen holstein
Stay a Blog Queen

Good Luck with your resolutions.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas 2012

I hope you are having the
Merriest of Christmases. 

It feels soooo nice to leave the hustle and bustle 
of the season behind

focus on





The next best thang to celebrating the Yule Tide 

Celebrating the Crimson Tide

Let's Go

BCS Championship Game - Monday, January 7th, 2013.

Alabama Crimson Tide 


Notre Dame Fighting Irish

Merry Christmas
Roll Tide, ya'all

Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas EVE

1Day left

Ready or not Christmas is tomorrow.

The month of December is a 
race against the clock.....

with the goal being….
a serene Christmas morning 
with happy, smiley faces.

But to get to that point…
you have to get through a  lot of
cussin' .

You know the drill…
pulling out the boxes of stored decorations
 putting up lights inside and outside the house
decorating in and out,
getting a tree, 
decorating the tree, 
sending cards, 
frequenting the Post Office,
cooking and baking,
coming up with gift ideas, 
shopping for gifts, 
dealing with crowds.
etc, etc, etc.

I've heard you can outsource these jobs. 
I'm just not sure how "Tim" in Timbuktu can put the lights on my tree.

But if I could give "Tim" the job…
I would.
Lights out, putting lights on the tree is definitely my least favorite job.

Somehow I became the D.L.D
Designated Lighting Designer…
but that’s probably because PaulA has already tied the dang tree 
to the roof of the car, 
squeezed it through the back door, 
moved the furniture to make room, 
put it in the stand, 
worked to get it straight. 
Then have me tell him… 
"It’s crooked.”

Then it's my turn...
untangle the lights from square knots,
test the strands to make sure they’re working, 
get the female and male parts to “hook-up", 
(ooohh la la)  
test my balance on a stool 
while being stabbed in the face and hands by bristly needles.


Merry Christmas EVE

With all the 
rushin', fussin, and cussin' 

it is now

time to enjoy the 


of your labor.

Friday, December 21, 2012

Doomsday Diverted

If you are reading this 
the Mayans got it wrong...
the world did not end.
TGIF….Bottoms UP

NASA has been flooded with callers for months fearful that today was 

Thank you NASA for getting it right 
reassuring the wackos worried 
that the world would remain as we know it...
round and revolving.

I'm not sure why we would believe the Mayans and their calendar?  
The Mayans might have been known for their 
mathematics and astrological systems...
the Mayans were also known for 
"enhancing" the beauty of their children…
by pressing boards onto their foreheads to flatten them
and dangling objects in front of their eyes, so they would be permanently crossed.  

They were also users of 
hallucinogenic drugs, peyote, mushrooms…
and used enemas for rapid absorption.

Ya think ya might be cautious in believing a prediction
 from the
peyote enema driven.

So all you out there who have been goofing off 
cuz you thought the world would end today…
get 'er done.

You know who you are…
you've been procrastinating on Christmas shopping 
because you were planning on the world ending 
easy way out.


Now that we have lived through the end of the world…

 all we have to worry about now is 

Falling off the Fiscal Cliff…

T minus 10 days
(Call NASA, maybe they can help.)

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Get Lit

I've always enjoyed taking a drive during the holidays
 through different neighborhoods at night 
to see the lights...
especially when there are people who go all out...
full tilt 
with their decorating.

They buy into the notion 
"the tackier ..the better."

 They figure 
If you it ain't lit up...then it ain't Christmas.

Then there are those forced into decorating
because the festive someone who's reeealllly into the holiday spirits spirit,
lives right next door.

So, not wanting to be 
or out-displayed
they are forced to untangle last year's ball of lights, 
drink in the holiday spirit
and get  lit.
woo hoo

 Christmas lights are not only labor intensive…but they can also be very expensive
especially when two houses are engaged in
 a war of 

At some point, someone is forced to get clever…
and think outside 
the "electric circuit box."


In a Chicago neighborhood
one neighbor couldn't compete any threw in the 
"electric towel" 
and went with.....

A lot of bang for the buck…
with a lot less work.


If you can't/don't/won't decorate your house.  
there are other options for decorating.

Big C's Portuguese Water Dog/puppy....
all decked out in his Santa suit
and white boots.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Letters to Santa

Dear Santa,
I've been very good this year…
(depending on how you define "very" 
and "good".)
All I want for Christmas is.....

'Tis the season for writing
letters to Santa
with your Christmas wish list.
(after lying explaining why you are deserving.)


What would you like to find under the 
Christmas tree 
with your name on it.

sporting goods?
designer apparel?
lottery tickets?
all of the above?


Speaking of lottery tickets (hehe)….

Reginald LeBlanc and  Rosa DeLeon
Costco co-workers
who play the Massachusetts Powerball lottery together every week…
hit it big last week...
splitting a 50 million dollar jack pot.
Lordy, Lordy…

Santa will have no trouble 
bringing them whatever they want.

Mr. LeBlanc was quick to sit down and write his
Letter to Santa...
asking for the obvious.

a fancy car? fancy vacation? fancy house?

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas 

is my two front teeth.

(we can't help but smile with him.)

Saturday, December 15, 2012

the unimaginable

...words cannot express
our collective grief
from the senseless tragedy in Newtown, CT.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012


I got a text earlier today from Big C 
telling me it was almost 12:12 p.m…
on 12-12-12 
so make a wish.

And of course I did.

I would never snarl in the face 
of a good luck charm
(rabbit, rabbit, rabbit)….
but I'm not particularly superstitious...  
especially having a birthday on the 
and having it occasionally fall on a 
Friday the 13th.


"They" say 12.12.12 is a powerful day...
mothers have scheduled c-sections
couples have scheduled marriages
Barbara Walters has scheduled her 
10 Most Fascinating People of 2012.
(Ummm….Honey bo boo makes the list?)

So with the end of this day,
 we see the end of repetitive numeral dates 
for the next 89 years 
until the year

Good Luck to those
new babies
who have 
as their day.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Me and My Mac

Me and My Mac
we got a thang going on.

I bought a new laptop.  
And I love it. 

It's the Apple of my eye.

At first glance…
I was raptured by its amazing features:
the shape of its display,
its speedy processors,
fine resolution,
and incredible memory.

With its powerful hard drive…
I knew I had met my mate.

We were the perfect fit…


When my Dell laptop crashed, 
(being the serial Dell owner that I was)
I immediately rushed out to buy another one.  

I was a head nod away from having the sales associate ring it up
(oh hell, give me a Dell)
….when PaulA suggested I step away from the decision and 
give it a second thought.

So I removed myself from the store…and as they say…
"slept on it."

I'm not sure what happened while I was sleeping…
but when I awoke…
I had a hankering for an Apple...

so I decided to take a bite.

I'm feeling great 
about my new Mac.

It was a healthy decision.
No more pc viruses for me.

An Apple a day, 
keeps the (PC) doctor away.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Thank You Captain Santa

It's been a while since I've felt like a kid on 
Christmas Eve...
I do remember that feeling of excitement...
knowing Christmas was the very next morning... 
and that shiny bike would soon be mine.

So last night...
T'was the Night before Christmas.

We went to bed...
me in my kerchief (PaulA in his cap) 
with visions of sugar-plums 
Sweet Wishy 
dancing in our heads.

And so we awakened the very next day….
and out in the Fort Lauderdale Port…
we heard the ship's loud horn give way.
And what to our wondering eyes should appear…
a cruise ship filled with shiny happy people. 

college students


We are so thankful to have 
back in the USA 
to give and get 
the biggest hug. ever.  

Thank you Captain Santa
for safe voyage 
for bringing home our....

Christmas has come early this year.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

2 days until...

2 days…
but who's counting?
(Ummm….that would be ME.)

2 days until...

will be home with me.

I'll be full of glee
and so will she.

You may even see
this Kat do the Dougie.

We'll celebrate with a daiquiri 
or a fine bubbly.

Many friends Bri will see
until the night is wee.

I'm on one knee
thanking God profusely.

will no longer be...

(sorry so corny.)

Monday, December 3, 2012

Milking a New Fad

Fads come and Fads go...

First we had

(People photographed in public or unusual places 
lying face down with stiff arms and legs.)
(mimicking a wooden board)

Easy when you are planking in a field.

Not so easy when you are planking in a plane's main cabin.

Planking evolved into


IN sports…
we had 




The newest fad is milking.

You might be thinking…

but the new fad is...

(udderly ridiculous)

The Milking fad
sure brings new meaning to the Christmas song
 "Twelve Days of Christmas."
8 maids a milking

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit - Bri, Bri, Bri

It's December…
the countdown begins.

There are  
24 days 
until Christmas,

there are only 
6 days
until Brianna comes home from her 
semester-at-sea program.

And this Kat couldn't be happier.


Because I'm all about Tradition…
and it's the first of the month...
I must say 
three times
for good luck.



and because it is scary how quickly the year has flown by….
I leave you with just one scary 


Friday, November 30, 2012

"She Cranks My Tractor"-Crank it UP

Some things are best suited for certain times of the day...

caffeinated coffee in the morning
nap in the afternoon
jay leno for late night 
gangnam style...after a few drinks

So when I heard that Colin along with Dustin Lynch and the band 
had a 5 am lobby call 
to get over to the "Fox and Friends" studio in NYC 
to play "She Cranks My Tractor"….
I wondered what that would feel like for them. 

I know what it would feel like for me…

But when the lights go up…
you turn it on. 
 And they sure did.

I thought they sounded great...
and they
normally don't play for another 12 hours.


I've found that Dustin Lynch's song 
"She Cranks My Tractor" 
can get me through most parts of the day….
morning workouts, 
afternoon errands, 
evening news.

I've been working on some classic tractor cranking moves of my own.
(The gangnam style has nothing on this Kat.)

So, let's CRANK it up...

watch it here

and get CRANKING. 

Monday, November 26, 2012

Shopping Season Officially Open

Get ready, 
get set,
Survivors, get going...

THE Shopping Season is OFFICIALLY open.

'Tis this season…
that separates the 
wise bargain shopper 

from the
maniacal diabolical 
bargain shopper.
This exhuberant shopper is  
 also in it for the bargains...
but mostly in it for the sport...
the competition. 

"In it, to Win it."

And in order to be a Survivor...
the shopper has to 
outwit, outplay, and outlast
their fellow shoppers.

Let me just say…shopping in these circles ain't for the faint of heart. 
It's hand-to-hand 
Between human stampedes and pepper spray ...
you better be battle ready.
(sure gives new meaning to the 'til ya drop.)


Every year the competition starts earlier and earlier 
with some stores (like Walmart, Target, and Sears) 
starting at 8 pm on Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure how anyone has the energy to get up off the 
couch on Thanksgiving.

By 9 pm I'm enjoying the full effects of a tryptophan induced coma.  
I can't imagine leaving a warm house 
and entering a cold brick-and-mortar store 
with steely eyed strangers 
to do battle over
 a television.
worth playing for?

But as "they" say in true Survivor fashion,
 "As long as you have fire, you are still in the game."

Here's an idea that has it's rewards
why not exile yourself to 
"Redemption Island"
 and let your fingers do the 
cyber shopping.

A "virtual mall" has its advantages…
there you enjoy immunity 
from any challenges 
with maniacal shoppers. 
(Immunity back up for grabs.)

you need to bring me your torch.

The tribe Kat has spoken.