Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Cyber Monday Shopping

The monday morning after Thanksgiving I woke up 
(from my tryptophan coma)
to find I had 76 emails and said out loud 
 "hot dang, 
I am popular today." 
So I scrolled through my peeps…
to see who was checking in...
okay, there's
(hey girl)

Then I took a closer look...
more like...
Tiffany & Co, 
Joss & Main
Dot & Bo
Max Restaurant Group
Ann Taylor
Joe Photo

It hit me….
It was Cyber Monday and 

I was being 


I totally understand the attraction of Cyber Monday.  
If you can get a deal on something online and 
spare the crowds and 
long wait in lines 
at the Taj mamall…
why not?   
But this Kat has never been an online shopper...
call me old fashioned  (not old)…
I like to pick the item up, 
turn it over, 
shake it, 
try it on, 
smell it 
before I buy.  
It must pass the smell test before I buy it. 
You can't do that on the internet. 

After being bombarded by all the
 cybermail for cybersales 
I decided to hit the cybertrail
and hit up Target for a little cybershopping... 
only to find

I was stuck in a virtual line
behind thousands. 
(Bring on the 10 people that would have been 
ahead of me at the brick-and-mortar Target.)

I wished I had a cyber sword to cut the line.

For me...
Cyber Monday shopping stinks.

And it has to pass the smell test.

Thursday, November 26, 2015

Thanksgiving Day Food Mashups

When it comes to Mashups...I am a fan of some....
like the blending of
Maroon 5 "Sugar" and Katy Perry's "Birthday" songs...

But when it comes to a turducken.

Not so much.

I'm sure by now, you are familiar with the turducken,
the triple threat of birds
 turkey, duck and chicken ...
three birds in one.

I was introduced to the turducken 5 years ago.  
Hello Turducken, it's me.

When I first heard about the Super bird, 
I cried fowl. 
On the outside, the turducken appears to be the usual 
fowl weathered feathered friend 
who is fattened up for our tryptophan coma. 
However, on the inside, the turducken is a bird of a different feather. 
Inside the turducken lurks 2 other birds 
quacking and clucking to get out.

The sight of the triple bird spurred a triple response in me …
The de-boned chicken…stuffed into a 
de-boned duck…stuffed into a 
de-boned turkey…reminds me of those 
Russian nesting dolls, in poultry form.

I wonder what wine goes best with turducken?


Although the turducken still doesn't fly 
with me....
I am a fan of the newest frankenfood mashup...  
the Piecaken...

pie stuffed inside cake.
The pie/cake combinations are endless.
What could be sweeter than that???

The sight of the layers of confection spurred a new triple response in me...

I actually think mashup works best 
with most foods at Thanksgiving.
After I pile everything on my plate 
the foods begin overlapping and 
invading each other.
The mashed potatoes from the east start crowding out the defenseless peas to the north while the 
 bold squash out of the south 
carefully creeps onto the unknowing stuffing from the west.

This was an "ew" when I was 10.

Let the Mashups Begin.

Happy Thanksgiving y'all.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Buns and Puns

When you reach a certain age, 
"they" advise you to become intimate with
a gastroenterologist.  
After putting up a real stink and 
procrastinating until the cows come home, 
you eventually succumb to the nastiest of procedures...
it's colonoscopy time, folks.

This time it was PaulA's turn.  
I had my colonoscopy last winter during a full moon, 
so my job was to drive PaulA back and forth to his procedure.
 He definitely got the bum end of the deal.   
ba dum dum

I admit, 
the only thing that gets me through the 
twists and turns of  a colonoscopy is the puns.  
Buns and Puns.
And it didn't get better than this. 

This was the sign on the medical building of my colonoscopy. 
for real.
I arrived laughing my ass off. 


I am always correcting PaulA that the word "colonoscopy"
 is pronounced Colon–oscopy. 
I have to remind him that we didn’t name our son 
after an internal organ…
especially one so twisted and dirty. 

They say the prep is the worse part. 
And "they" would be right.
The prep poops you out
ingestion of a liquid roto-rooter  and 
mad dashes to the loo. 
And a note of caution:
a fart is not just a fart.  
It should never EVER be underestimated. 
And a laugh or a cough could also prove disastrous.  

I’ll spare you the behind the scenes details of the procedure.   Let's just say, 
it involves a very long garden hose 

with a light and a camera attached to the end
(The only time it is acceptable to be hosed.)
the best sleep ever…
the Wizard of Oz poppy field kind...

not the kind you get in Aisle 5 at Walgreens.

I remember asking the Dr. after my colonoscopy 
if he found a polyp, 
not PaulA...
he asked his Dr. if he found any money in there.  
PaulA = a smart ass

I find it interesting that before you get your ass out of Dodge
they give you a farting parting gift; 
a picture of the inside of your colon.
Although the picture is quite interesting,
it's not really worth framing.

Luckily PaulA doesn't have to go back for another 10 years.  He asked his Dr. if he would be around for his next colonoscopy to which the Doc answered "Nope."  
I'm sure 
he's seen his share of assholes through the years.
And needs a change...
of view. 

You have to be tired of the cracks and cheeky humor.
I'll end now.

The best thing about a Colonoscopy is the puns.  
Buns and Puns.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Act Your Age

I have a bone to pick with Facebook.  
(Yes Mark Z, I'm talking to you.)
The day before my birthday I logged on to FB 
and a message immediately popped up:  
Tomorrow is Kathy Healy's xxth birthday.  
Did I really need to be reminded  I was turning another year?  Come on Marky Mark… 
Couldn't you at least let me enjoy my last day of that year.  

So if I was getting the FB reminder, 
I'm guessing everyone else was too.  
I was surprised my birth year appeared.  
I had tried to get rid of it from my profile earlier but Failed 
so I changed my birth year to 1976.  
(FB probably did the math and figured
no way did I have a child at 10.)

PaulA told me to call FB. 
I didn't know that was an option.  
Anyone know how to get in touch with Mr. Z?  
 1.800.PLZ.MYOB .
Apparently I'm acting my age
old and cranky.


They say you are only as young as you feel.  
This morning I woke up feeling 39 (Winning)…
with a golf game planned later in the day with PaulA.  
But my noon I was feeling my age plus some extra years.  (Fail)
 I somehow twisted a side muscle and could barely move.  A first for me…
and the perfect old person gift to myself on my birthday.
I downed an Alleve, hit the outside lounger, and waited 
for the meds to kick in.  
Again, acting my age.

So If age is a state of mind…at this moment 
I'm living in the oldest state that comes to mind.  

I am looking forward to Jeopardy tonight.  
Like most old people…I can't miss it…
when the current winner has won 12 times in a row.  
Acting my age.

There is hope for me....
I am going to dinner at 8 pm which is way past the 
Early Bird Old folk Special 
But I must say,
I am onboard when it comes to an early happy hour.

Acting my age.

Old people are the BEST.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit - October 1st

is one of my favorite months...
other than Summer...
which apparently is a season 
but feels more like a month.  
ya know what I'm talkin' about?

It's a new month and I'm 
remembering all the way back to last week...
the trip PaulA and I took with good friends 
to visit good friends 
in Steamboat Springs, Colorado.
Hence, all good.
special thanks to Lee & Susan

Anywhooo whooo whooo

In honor of the 1st of the month
I'm posting 
some pics of our hike up Rabbit Ears Pass...




Friday, September 11, 2015



the innocent lives lost on 9/11/01



our first responders 
for their heroic actions that day and today.

Monday, September 7, 2015

Happy (No) Labor Day

Happy Labor Day


Happy (NO) Labor Day

An extra day off from work for good behavior.  


It is so hard to believe that 
the "unofficial last day of summer" is here and now
and not around the corner and later.

I really hate to drone on and belabor the point that time is flying way too quickly
time is flying way too quickly.

So get out there already....
and enjoy.

I may have to remind PaulA that it is No Labor Day
and to put down the paintbrush
and walk away from Aunt Polly's fence  
the house.

Scraping and priming and painting is hardly 
a labor of love...
later he will be able to sit back with a cold one
and enjoy the 
fruits of his labor.

This Kat, on the other lazy hand, 
has no trouble relaxing on 
No Labor Day.

take a lesson PaulA from this Kat
aka Tom Sawyer

Happy (No) Labor Day


Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit

                            Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit-September 1st

Happy September 1st

this was a 

Chelsea and Austin's 
September 27th.
The good luck rabbits
for the occasion and did their job.
Luckily, there was 
no hide nor hare of rain 
for their outdoor wedding ceremony


Hare they were:




Happy Wedding Month to 
this special couple....


Friday, July 10, 2015

Uber Fan

You gotta love Uber.  
The Uber name alone is
Uber fun.   

To have a car pull up to the curb
that I have summoned through my phone
feeling like Warren Buffet 
is Uber Cool.

Those Uber founders were Uber smart and now Uber rich.

Unfortunately there are people out there trying to give 
Uber a bad name...

mainly…the competition.

This Kat, however,
is all in when it comes to Uber.


My virgin ride with Uber 
(you know what I mean) 
was in Nashville and was FREE…gotta love a free ride.  

My second Uber ride 
was from the airport to our house.
During that trip, the Uberman and I hit it off 
with a little pleasant chit chat...
yada yada...
Right before he dropped me off, 
he casually mentioned that he was giving me 
the highest rating.  

huh…rating me? 
Dude, WHAAAAAT are you talking about?  
I thought rating was one way…
my way...
me rating YOU.  

Now that I've put 2 and 2 together and 
brilliantly come up with numero 4….
 I'm realizing that I have to be on my best Uber behavior 
when I'm riding with Uber.
It would be terrible if my good name was slandered in Uberworld and
I was left taking a taxi.

now that I think about it... 
the taxi service does have its redeeming qualities. 
At least with a cab driver there isn't any rating going on…
in any direction.
We both can be rude to each other 
and no one is the wiser...
except for Bud

that dang Bud is always wiser.

Friday, June 5, 2015

Happy BriDay #24

Happy 24th Birthday to Wishy…
the sweetest young woman 
with a sunny disposition...

(unless there's a lobster loose)

unique and creative in every way 
from the bands she follows...
to her style sense…
lives by the tagline she created 
for her jewelry business…
"Dare to BriDifferent."


When it comes to Brianna's birthday, 
Bri has always been about the paaaaartay. 
Today I'm remembering the parties from 
Brianna's early Bridays…
back when the two of us put our heads together
and had PaulA 
knocked off 
in the jacquzzi 


the tribal council
where the tribe had spoken.

With or without a dead guy…
I dare say, 
there will be celebrating…
on Breezy St.

Hugs and kisses to Bri on her 24th Briday.
No matter how old Brianna gets, 
she will always be my
precious baby doll.