Sunday, October 25, 2015

Buns and Puns

When you reach a certain age, 
"they" advise you to become intimate with
a gastroenterologist.  
After putting up a real stink and 
procrastinating until the cows come home, 
you eventually succumb to the nastiest of procedures...
it's colonoscopy time, folks.

This time it was PaulA's turn.  
I had my colonoscopy last winter during a full moon, 
so my job was to drive PaulA back and forth to his procedure.
 He definitely got the bum end of the deal.   
ba dum dum

I admit, 
the only thing that gets me through the 
twists and turns of  a colonoscopy is the puns.  
Buns and Puns.
And it didn't get better than this. 

This was the sign on the medical building of my colonoscopy. 
for real.
I arrived laughing my ass off. 


I am always correcting PaulA that the word "colonoscopy"
 is pronounced Colon–oscopy. 
I have to remind him that we didn’t name our son 
after an internal organ…
especially one so twisted and dirty. 

They say the prep is the worse part. 
And "they" would be right.
The prep poops you out
ingestion of a liquid roto-rooter  and 
mad dashes to the loo. 
And a note of caution:
a fart is not just a fart.  
It should never EVER be underestimated. 
And a laugh or a cough could also prove disastrous.  

I’ll spare you the behind the scenes details of the procedure.   Let's just say, 
it involves a very long garden hose 

with a light and a camera attached to the end
(The only time it is acceptable to be hosed.)
the best sleep ever…
the Wizard of Oz poppy field kind...

not the kind you get in Aisle 5 at Walgreens.

I remember asking the Dr. after my colonoscopy 
if he found a polyp, 
not PaulA...
he asked his Dr. if he found any money in there.  
PaulA = a smart ass

I find it interesting that before you get your ass out of Dodge
they give you a farting parting gift; 
a picture of the inside of your colon.
Although the picture is quite interesting,
it's not really worth framing.

Luckily PaulA doesn't have to go back for another 10 years.  He asked his Dr. if he would be around for his next colonoscopy to which the Doc answered "Nope."  
I'm sure 
he's seen his share of assholes through the years.
And needs a change...
of view. 

You have to be tired of the cracks and cheeky humor.
I'll end now.

The best thing about a Colonoscopy is the puns.  
Buns and Puns.

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Act Your Age

I have a bone to pick with Facebook.  
(Yes Mark Z, I'm talking to you.)
The day before my birthday I logged on to FB 
and a message immediately popped up:  
Tomorrow is Kathy Healy's xxth birthday.  
Did I really need to be reminded  I was turning another year?  Come on Marky Mark… 
Couldn't you at least let me enjoy my last day of that year.  

So if I was getting the FB reminder, 
I'm guessing everyone else was too.  
I was surprised my birth year appeared.  
I had tried to get rid of it from my profile earlier but Failed 
so I changed my birth year to 1976.  
(FB probably did the math and figured
no way did I have a child at 10.)

PaulA told me to call FB. 
I didn't know that was an option.  
Anyone know how to get in touch with Mr. Z?  
 1.800.PLZ.MYOB .
Apparently I'm acting my age
old and cranky.


They say you are only as young as you feel.  
This morning I woke up feeling 39 (Winning)…
with a golf game planned later in the day with PaulA.  
But my noon I was feeling my age plus some extra years.  (Fail)
 I somehow twisted a side muscle and could barely move.  A first for me…
and the perfect old person gift to myself on my birthday.
I downed an Alleve, hit the outside lounger, and waited 
for the meds to kick in.  
Again, acting my age.

So If age is a state of mind…at this moment 
I'm living in the oldest state that comes to mind.  

I am looking forward to Jeopardy tonight.  
Like most old people…I can't miss it…
when the current winner has won 12 times in a row.  
Acting my age.

There is hope for me....
I am going to dinner at 8 pm which is way past the 
Early Bird Old folk Special 
But I must say,
I am onboard when it comes to an early happy hour.

Acting my age.

Old people are the BEST.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit - October 1st

is one of my favorite months...
other than Summer...
which apparently is a season 
but feels more like a month.  
ya know what I'm talkin' about?

It's a new month and I'm 
remembering all the way back to last week...
the trip PaulA and I took with good friends 
to visit good friends 
in Steamboat Springs, Colorado.
Hence, all good.
special thanks to Lee & Susan

Anywhooo whooo whooo

In honor of the 1st of the month
I'm posting 
some pics of our hike up Rabbit Ears Pass...