Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Earth Day-another year/same dirt

It may be

but for me
it's another year...same dirt.

Today is a day th
at I won't forget... 
no matter how many earth rotations pass.  
It was the day 
I wanted to bury an elementary school principal…
six feet under Motha Earth.

But instead of risking jail time…
I merely trampled all over Mr. Principal 
with a befitting pair of earth shoes.

I’m sure you’re wondering what earthly reason
I would have to go after a school principal...
(especially one who was very popular with parents and kids.)

To break it down and sum it all up…
bigC was in the fifth grade and had attended an Earth Day Fair during school.
When she got home, she excitedly told me
that a man at one of the Fair booths stuck her with needles.
A man? With needles?

I immediately called the principal.
 Apparently ‘the man” was an acupuncturist
and used Chelsea’s arm to demonstrate his art of stick ‘em.
When a teacher saw what was going on…she shut his demo down.
But that was after Chels had become his personal pin cushion.

The principal did his best to assure me
that bigC would be fine
and to not worry about her contracting a pin cushion disease...
but it was hard to calm me down as I 
rightly questioned him on Earth Day...
“Where on earth is this okay?"
"Who on earth would do this?"
"What on earth is going on?”

And then my final "I'm-coming-for-you

“If ANYTHING happens to Chelsea
If she comes down with so much as a sniffle…
You will be living  HELL on earth.”
Happy Earth Day, Mr. Principal.


It is naturally instinctive for all mothers on this great EARTH to protect their young…
no matter what species they belong to.
And this Kat…would do anything to protect her kittens.
I've occasionally run over into 
the principal over the years
and I'm very cordial,

but I do give him the stink eye
just so he remembers that I have dirt on him.

He never fails to forget me
and I'm sure he has told his wife…
"should something happen to me,
look for...
earth shoe prints."

Friday, April 10, 2015

Like driving in L.A.?

Driving in L.A. is like 
a waay gnarly experience 
(as I like quickly discovered while visiting.)

Here's some 
hella dope advice...
for driving in the Land of LA-LA…
"Drive both defensively and offensively."

It would like behoove (yes, behoove) you 
to be cautious of other drivers around you, 
at the same time 
ready to put your lead foot down...
pedal to the metal style
and speed by raging lunatics
 to avoid impending trouble.
(So like...put some offense in that defense.)

Driving in LA is exactly 180 degrees different 
(and 2,950 miles apart)
 from driving on Interstate 89 in VT.  
On Interstate 89 you only have to defend against an occasional falling rock 
or a
derelict deer.

This Kat 
(I like to refer to myself in the 3rd person) 
is not used to 5 and 6 lanes of highway
going in the same direction…
especially when I'm not sure of my direction.

 That is why I employ 
(actually she's not paid a lot)
Gabby, my GPS
who is like
locked and loaded on my phone as co-pilot 
to help me navigate the 
highways, byways, and freeways.

I love how Gabby shouted out directions...
ala Californian style

telling me to take 
THE 405.
(Totally Epic)

Now I'm wondering if I like employ Gabby in Maine,
would she give directions ala Maine-iac style?
"You can't get there from here."

The problem I had with Gabby in LA LA Land 
was her delay in calling out directions. 
There were like two many times (yes 2) 
when Gabby told me to take THE 405
but a little too late
so I like had to risk my
life, limb, and lunch
trying to get over lanes.
Duuude...Thanks not for the heads up.
Totally not cool.


I sure miss my trusty legit co-pilot.
The cute guy who is head and shoulders above Gabby.
PaulA you presume?
awww  nawww…not that guy.
This guy....
the best co-pilot. ever. 
Duncandog barked out directions 
better than the best of them.

"Okay, me to the nearest In-N-Out
for a double double animal style."

Like Later, Dudes

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Foolish Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit

It's April 1st.

Hare's hoping 
you don't get fooled today!