Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Love Thy Neighbor

You know the saying, “Love Thy Neighbor”…I don’t think so….not my neighbors. I’ve got sketchy neighbors. They are the third set to be in the house next door which by the way, is a gorgeous brick home in a very beautiful neighborhood, next to some amazing people….that would be us!

The first family that lived there was great. They took meticulous care of their house and lawn, had great Christmas decorations, and were very involved in the neighborhood….threw a great neighborhood Holiday party. (Didn’t get wild drunk at the party and say stupid things either.) They were only there a couple of years… split town…not in the middle of the night or anything. Enter a new family…

..a couple with two huge poodles. Poodles for some reason scare me and especially two together. They were black and white, so I think they were trying to be socially correct or something. Anyway, they were just a little odd (not the dogs…the people, silly)…couldn’t really put my finger on it. Very friendly, but had very strange stories…like the woman “accidentally” burned down their house when she was younger, stuff like that. She claimed she could do just about anything….especially when it came to plumbing (whose plumbing?)…very interesting talent. One thing that was pretty neato was the media room they put in their basement. This was the highlight of their time in the neighborhood…they had a few of us over and we sat in their big honker leather chairs and watched their big ass screen. They had a baby and then moved to Florida. Enter very sketchy neighbors…..

The sketchy neighbors have earned their title of sketchy. First of all, not sure what they do for work over there…maybe work from the house…maybe the home mortgage business (think that is how they keep the house) or the mob. Okay, the mob is a little dramatic, but read on….

There is a grandmom, daughter and her 2 older sons who live there. I won’t even tell you about their size, cuz that is not fair. hehe They have HUGE (for good reason) black cars, Cadillacs, convertibles….lots of them. They like to lay rubber in their driveway….you know rev the car and slam the brakes on…all in 10 feet. They have many strange cars and people coming at different times of the day/week; some from another state. They have so many cars and visitors that they are parking on their lawn in the back which is ruining the lawn. Plus the front lawn has gone to shit….I mean, weeds.

When they first moved in, the phone company and electric company were over there 24/7. Hmmm, wondering…do they have people working out of their basement? Anway, the transformer between our 2 homes blew up. Never had a problem until the sketchies moved in. They have a special trash pick-up day different from everyone else in the neighborhood. The truck backs down their driveway to their cans. (I mean trash cans.) Hmmm, wondering….what are they disposing that can’t be brought out to the curb?? They never walk down the driveway to the mailbox…one of their visitors stops at the mailbox and brings it in every day. They never have been to a neighborhood get-together (and we’re such fun people.) You never, ever see these people outside unless they are whizzing by in a car. In the middle of the night you might hear them. Supposedly they “sold” their home (that is what the paper showed) to someone….but they never moved out. The sketchies are still in the house. Do I need to say anymore??? Trust me I could….but I think you get the picture.

So if for some reason you don’t hear from me again…you might try putting 2 and 2 together…’ll figure out they read my blog and I am now dead meat. But until they off me…..I smile and wave when I see their big ass cars drive by…..I do not want to be the next drive by….you know what I’m talking about, here??!!!

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Red Sox World Champions

I just finished watching the Red Sox Rolling Rally on NESN…Celebration of the Red Sox World Champions. After watching, I have a big beef and I just have to get it out. My beef is with the news announcers at the parade. They were really bad…. said the stupidest things. How is it they get their jobs? I didn’t know just anyone could be an announcer…. Especially the woman- never got her name-(she gives women announcers a bad name.) At one point she said, Oh, I hear some fans booing…Something must have happened. I wonder what they don’t like.” You stupid, ridiculous, moronic woman….they are yelling “Youk.” Kevin Youkilis is on the Duck boat right in front of you and they are yelling for him. Where have you been? Have you ever been to Fenway and watched a game? Have you ever watched a game on your own channel? She was just so stupid that I was yelling at the TV…but then I stopped…I felt stupid.

The other thing the announcers kept bringing up, which totally bugged me is....World Series 2004 vs World Series 2007. How this World Series win is different than the World Series win in 2004. How this team is different than 2004. How this parade is different than 2004. If you’re like me, you want to yell, “Of course, blockheads….it is different than 2004 because first of all, it is 2007 and not 2004. Duh, the 86 year wait to win the World Series made the 2004 win significant. But it doesn’t mean that this win isn’t great too. And we didn’t have to wait another 86 years so that makes 2007 very special!”

On a sweeter note, the parade looked fun….very nice that Col could be there, just hope he didn’t skip class like I’m envisioning college kids and kids of all ages did….Also Papelbon was so entertaining for the crowd…singing, playing air guitar with the broom….loved his Irish jig even though he does the jig homeboy style. Yep, that is definitely a homeboy style jig when you stick your tongue out and bend your fingers like tha rappas do….Col is the master at this. He (Papelbon, Col too) is definitely someone you would want to invite to your next party…but I’m sure he’s booked.

I also have to admit when I make a mistake. One of my new blog peeps…actually my sister, Sister Sledge, brought up a good point about something I wrote a couple of blog entries ago….. that the Red Sox didn’t have good looking players. She said she thought that Josh Beckett was cute……..So I stand corrected although I am trying to understand Beckett’s beard. Thank you Sister Sledge for your contribution and for actually reading my blog……

Congratulations to the Red Sox Champions of the World!!!!

Monday, October 29, 2007

You Remind Me Of

Have you ever been told you remind them of someone or you look like someone else? When you first hear this you cringe and hold your breath…Please don’t say I look like Lyle Lovett! Or Rosie O’Donnell!

When I was 19, I was told I looked like Ali McGraw in Love Story. (Great Old School cry scene movie.) I wasn’t surprised I looked like her…I had long brown hair parted in the middle, brown eyes….half the population back then looked like her. Add a streak of white and I could have looked like Morticia from the Addams Family.

My hubby has been told he looks like….Jeb Bush. Laugh now, but then keep it short. He doesn’t exactly like this comparison…You know, I can kinda see what people are seeing but Pauly is way better looking and not the chubster that ole Jeb is (just ask him)!jk The woman who cuts his hair gets a kick out of calling him Jeb and people even stop him in airports, restaurants….Maybe he should try walking into the White House as ole Jeb and have a look around.

The other day a salesman told me that I reminded him of someone…not my looks but my actions. I was at the Pottery Barn and the fella there was trying to sell me extra stuff, even after I had already made a decent purchase…. “Stop already, with selling stuff!” So he says, “You might want to get the caterer’s boxes of wine glasses and plates for Thanksgiving just in case you need more.” I said to him, “No thanks. You know, I’m all set with that. I have had Thanksgiving every year for the last 11 years and I have it down to a science. I even have a “Thanksgiving” folder where I keep notes from every who brought what, how much turkey we got, what we should do next year.” He looked at me and said, “ooooooooo, that is so Bree of you. You know Bree from Desperate Housewives.” What a knucklehead, of course I know Bree from Desperate Housewives…now if I looked like her that would be okay, but to be like her ….

OMG when you think about it….my actions do sound anal retentive (nasty expression)…. just like Bree Van de Camp. I never would have thought of myself as her so of course, I had to defend myself! “You know, I’m not really like that…I’m not like Bree at all. I just want to have a nice Thanksgiving and make it easy on myself. I really am not that organized.” You could tell what he was thinking, “Sure lady, you are Bree. Who keeps a Thanksgiving folder? Just the Wackos.”

So the next time you say to someone, “You know who you remind me of?” Be very careful what you say, because they just might return the favor and say, “Well you look like Willie Nelson or you remind me of Hillary Clinton!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

World Series – Game 4 - Batter’s Up!

Yes, It’s Game 4 and the Red Sox could take it all….4 in a row and out of there…out of the wild west…That would be great. Some fans say they want the Red Sox to win it in Boston. It does sound like a good time…….to be a fan and win it at home….but I want them to win it tonight. TONIGHT. Forget losing the next two games to win it at home….Because… “What if?” What if the Rockies got darn good and lucky and came back? So let’s get the Rockies now…bury them…put them out of their misery. I’m all for that!

I have a couple of quick keen observations. First of all, have you seen the Colorado Rockies Manager, Clint Hurdle? Have you watched him, or better yet have you watched him chew gum? It is the funniest thing! When he chews gum, which is so much better than chewing a big wad of tobacco, his hat moves up and down… I’m not kidding. His baseball cap is going up and down with each chew. I have never seen someone’s hat do that. So, of course, that means his forehead is moving up and down because how else would his hat do that!! So I gave it a try…I pretended to chew gum to see if my forehead would move up and down. I think this would be a great trick at parties. “Hey, look what Kat can do!” Nope…shucks….can’t get my forehead to move unless I move my eyebrows up and down. Maybe I’ll get some real gum and try again. Why don’t you give it a try? You too may have this special talent and could be a hit at parties or maybe it just belongs to Hurdle.

Another observation is those white towels the Rockies fans wave….What are they called…. crying towels? It just seems so rude. I’d like to snap a crying towel at one of them and make them cry…maybe just at their knees and not in their face….I don’t want to be rude too.

Have you heard enough about the altitude in Colorado? How it can affect how well the Red Sox can run or the effect on the ole curve ball? Okay, it is interesting information, but enough of it…..Duh, we get it by now.

One thing I realized during the last game is….The Red Sox don’t have good looking guys on their team. And don’t try to tell me you think Big Papi is a hunk or Youkilis is a looker. I love the Red Sox and would only root for them, but in the looks department, they are running way behind. Take the New York Yankees….don’t like the Yankees but I have to admit they have a few good looking players on their team…Jeter, A-Rod. But what the Red Sox don’t have in good looks, is made up for in the character department. The Red Sox have everyone beat when it comes to character. Who could even come close to the free spirit of a Manny Ramirez, or the River Dance of a Papelbon??

So good luck to the Red Sox. I want you to win tonight…bring it home….The late nights are killing me and I have really important stuff I have to do… that is funny.
Go Red Sox!

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Old School Rules

My kids like to talk about Old School….of course, they think anything we said, did or wore from my generation is Old School…heck, they even think the 80s are Old School. Okay maybe Pacman is a little outdated, but for me Old School would be the Roman Chariot Races, the Middle Ages, or maybe Genghis Khan and his empire….

Here’s an Old School drink…. Fresca. The other day Pauly asked if the next time I was at the Stop and Shop…could I get some Fresca. Whoa there, Fresca….He said he had tasted a Fresca recently and liked it. Said it was very refreshing!

For some reason Fresca is making a resurgence…not sure why this is happening. Maybe it is cool to be retro! Like leg warmers….excuse me, but why are these coming back? Remember Tab? (Okay, the kids don’t.) Tab is trying to work its way back….trying to ride Fresca’s coat tails. Good luck…I don’t see that happening anytime soon. Fresca has it over Tab….by a mile.

A little while ago I was at a Better Bedding store looking at some mattresses. There was a very nice salesman in there, and he was really into explaining the different mattresses to me. First I thought, “Wow…I know he must do this a lot, but he seems to be really into it…. Like I was his very first customer.” Now that is pretty special. The other thing I thought is, “Man, he looks like he could be an undertaker!” Now think about it…mattresses have to do with sleeping…undertakers have to do with those who sleep forever…very interesting... (Sorry, I just digressed in my story.)

So I finally made my mattress selection. Mr. Better Bedding/Undertaker was writing up the order and said, “While you wait……Can I get you a Fresca?” “What,” I said to myself, “Did he just say Fresca??” What again…with the Fresca. And the way he said it…. “Can I get cha a Fresca?” I’m telling you…so funny……so retro …so Old School!!

So Fresca is on its way back…back from Old School… the retro “new” popular drink. Okay maybe just at our house. Actually, we are on a mission to put Fresca back into the spotlight. We always keep Fresca on hand… in 2 liter bottles, 6 packs in cans, 12 packs in handy carrying cases. So if you come over and you’re looking kinda thirsty…You can bet we’ll ask…….
“Can I get cha a Fresca???

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Let's Go Red Sox!

It was an awesome comeback for the Boston Red Sox to win the ALCS in Game 7. Let’s hope they go all the way and win the World Series! If they do win the World Series, let’s hope they don’t kill each other or severely injure each other during their celebration. The other night after the Red Sox won the ALCS, they went bonkers. Did you stay up to see them? They were so happy and exhilarated. They ran around screaming and yelling, jumped in each other’s arms, jumped on each other’s backs, chest bumped each other, fell to the ground, knocked heads, slapped each other around, and sprayed champagne in each other’s faces. If you were from another country and watched this, you might think they were really trying to hurt each other. What is it about sports that when the players are overjoyed, they express their excitement by mauling each other? I wonder what it would be like if we went bonkers in our excitement over something……I can see it now….

Okay, Pauly is at work… Paul, “the closer” has just nailed a deal and gonna get a big kahoona payout …When he seals the deal, he squeezes and shakes the guy’s hand until it goes limp, slaps the guy on the back with extra gusto and screams, “hell of a deal.”

Okay, Col and his band have a great concert and everyone is going wild…they are pysched…and feeling like bad ass rockers….the band guys break their guitars over each other’s backs , turn up the reverb, and scream “Power to the People” into the mics.

Okay, Big C and her sorority sisters have just won first prize at Homecoming …They are overjoyed… they hug each other until they’re blue, smear each other’s make up, and scream “Sisters Forever.”

Okay, Bri gets an A on her Chem test…She turns the exam paper into an airplane and flies it at her teacher, throws the chalk into the air and screams chemistry formulas at the top of her lungs.

Then Kat is in a 4 person ladies’ golf tournament and birdies Hole #4 Red…the team is ecstatic, they fist pump into the air while high stepping around the green, knock each other’s visors off, and scream “Birdies Only.”

Note to the Red Sox –
Caution: In the event of winning the World Series, please proceed carefully with celebration.

Let’s Go Red Sox!!

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

5 Second Rule

Do you believe in the 5 second rule? You know the one…you drop something on the floor, you quickly pick it up (within 5 seconds) and then maybe eat it. So you’re just about to put something really tasty in your mouth and you drop it…darn. Do you think, “Do I pick that up and eat it, is it gross to eat, is anyone watching me?” Then you say to yourself, “Oh, that’s okay it was on the floor for only 4 seconds.” (Sound familiar Brister?)

I would say, that where you dropped the food, should enter into your decision to eat it or not. For instance, I would never eat off a subway station floor. We all know the New York subway system is disgusting….so that’s an easy one. The Washington Metro has a reputation of being clean…..but still not a wise idea. Definitely, definitely not at a hospital…..people go in there and sometimes they never come out. I would also say the bathroom is out of the question. But why are you eating in the bathroom? I would, however, definitely eat off a few of my friend’s floors (and you know who you are) which are cleaner than most people’s kitchen counters. Oh, and I have a couple of friends where I would totally eat off their garage floor… joking. I think I might risk it at my own house…and that is only because I know Duncan Dog’s favorite places to leave his calling card.

You also might want to consider, what you drop, into your decision as to where you draw the line between eat or not eat. For me, if I dropped a wrapped stick of gum …I would still eat it. Now if I had been chewing the piece of gum, ABC gum, and dropped it…. no way would I eat it. Also, an open faced peanut butter sandwich is totally out of the question. First of all, they both have the ability to glom on…and that would include dirt and fuzzy stuff, not to mention deadly bacteria. I would hate for that to be the reason I left the world prematurely......Here lies dumb Kat, she ate off the floor.

So … unless you like to live dangerously…ummm, Brister…I would basically skip the 5 second rule…… unless, of course, no one is watching.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Pay It Backward

If it’s Monday, it must be Dunkin Donuts….Actually, I go every morning for coffee and I mean every single morning. I would say that I’m not really awake until I have had a medium black coffee from Dunkin Donuts. Forget going to Starbucks. Without a drive-thru, Starbucks never had a chance to hook me on their strong java jolt. The drive-thru is great…you can put anything on and just go…the clothes on the floor, heck even your PJs….whose gonna know (not that I would do that or anything.) But the biggest thing is that I don’t think I could have an intelligent conversation if I had to wait in line for my coffee. If I ran into someone I knew and I had to string 2 words together....real trouble. How do Starbucks people do it? Maybe they are a more intelligent species. I wanna hug the person that invented the drive-thru!

This morning, I made my usual trek over to DDs. Our Dunkin Donuts has two ways to enter the drive-thru. I usually sneak behind the Liquor Depot and get in line from the back way. A lot of times I have no trouble with this tactic, but this morning there was already a huge line of caffeine deprived drivers queued up from the main entry, ready to receive their morning boost. Hmmmm… I would just have to wait patiently (sure I can do that) for everyone to go through….then I would get my turn for my caffeine fix. Well just imagine my surprise - the person in the big black Cadillac waved for me to go ahead…..actually motioned for me to cut the line!!! Wow, that is a biggie when you are talking about your morning coffee. So I did what most crazed caffeine seeking individuals would do…..I cut the line!

As I approached DDs and my cup of joe was moments away, I looked in my rear view window to see what nice individual would let me jump ahead. The person was an ole guy with a Veteran license plate and a Boston Red Sox cap (Go Sox) proudly displayed on his dashboard. I thought he was very kind to help me in my quest for coffee. When I got to the window, I told the DD attendant, “I want to pay it backwards….I want to pay for the nice gentleman behind me.”

You’ve heard of “Pay It Forward”…you know, doing “random” good deeds for people. Well, you can only “Pay It Backward” when you are in the drive-thru line… think about it, the guy would be gone already!!! Okay, so I know I’m not a champion of the world or anything….but I felt that he had done a good deed so I wanted to show my appreciation. I’m sure he wasn’t expecting any return on his good deed (if he did, he might have ordered more than the 2 coffees!) It’s just important when we are out in the world, that we are nice to each other….

Sure better than me sneaking through the back way, squealing in on two wheels, forcing my way into the line, ramming my car up to the other guys bumper, flipping the guy off behind me and yelling “Have a Nice Day.”

So now it’s Tuesday….It must be Dunkin Donuts.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

The Wood Man Cometh

A few years ago…well actually quite a few…we lived in Manilus, New York. Manlius is located near Syracuse, in a snow belt off of Lake Ontario, so it gets its share of bad weather. To get prepared for our first long cold winter, we thought we should get wood for our fireplace. Being new in town, you are never quite sure where to go, but I had seen an ad in the local paper: Wood Man - Wood delivered. So I told my husband, “Let’s give the Wood Man a call.” We got quite a chuckle out of the Wood Man’s name… the Wood Man from Manilus. .. Ooooo the Wood Man. Anyway, the Wood Man delivered his wood and we were in woody heaven that winter.

The winters last forever in Manlius, the snow capital of the world. It was like we were living in a snow globe. It snowed every day… there was someone up there shaking our snow globe... it just kept coming down. So when the winter was finally over and it stopped snowing, it was now April and our taxes were due.

We had some complicated taxes to file so Pauly looked for an accountant. He found one in the local newspaper: The Tax Man. We thought it was funny that the town has a Wood Man and a Tax Man… real chuckle over that one. So Pauly got all his tax stuff together and I said I would drop the paper work off at the Tax Man’s office. Now, do you see where I am going here?

That day I found out that the Tax Man was the Wood Man. They were the same guy…hahahahehehe I thought that was hysterical. The guy is the Wood Man in the fall and the Tax Man in the spring. All he has to do it turn over his sign! So I wondered what kind of job the Tax Man was going to do on our taxes. Would he hack them up and we would end up going to jail because the Tax Man was really the Wood Man? We would have to explain to the IRS that the reason our taxes got chopped that year was because we actually hired the Wood Man.

So I couldn’t wait to tell Pauly….why do I get so much enjoyment out of these situations?? Should I break it to him gently or should I just blurt it out? I go for it.... “Honey, I dropped off the paperwork for the Tax Man, but uuuhhhh…..ummmm…..the Tax Man is really the Wood Man.” I’m waiting now…What’s Pauly gonna say? Will he freak out? Will he worry the Tax Man was really a hack? He replied, “Next time you see the Tax Man, put in an order for a cord of wood.”

I got to thinkin’…..what if the Wood Man delivers a cord of pencils???!!!!

Saturday, October 20, 2007

I'm Baaaaaaacccccckkkk!!!!

Florida was great….what’s not to like about Florida, the Sunshine State. The flight down was uneventful so that is why I am able to sit here instead of the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean. Uneventful flight = good flight.

It was wonderful to see my grandmother and Uncle Ellie and they seemed very happy to see us. In case you’re wondering…Uncle Ellie is my grandmother’s husband. Grandma has been married to Ellie for 36 years since my grandfather died. My grandfather, Ross, died at age 51 so then my grandmother married Ellie. We call him Uncle Ellie although he is like my grandfather by now. I gotta give you a little more background here…Uncle Ellie was married to my Great Aunt Fan. Fan was first married to my grandfather’s brother, Bud. After Bud died at age 31, Aunt Fan married Ellie. So then after Aunt Fan died and my grandfather died, Ellie and Grandma got married. It’s all really kosher and everything …it’s not like my grandmother married her brother or anything!!! So I know what you are thinking…. set the snooze alarm....enough of the genealogy already.

While there we stayed in the retirement park where grandma lives. It was a 2 bedroom, 1 ½ bath manufactured trailer unit. Actually very cute. I especially loved my bedroom. It was like sleeping in a closet which I have since found can be very handy. While lying in my twin bed I could touch the built-in closet on one side with one hand and at the same time touch the wall to the bathroom on the other side. How cool is that? So while I was lying in bed I could pull my clothes from my closet, put them on, swing my legs over to the other side of the bed, take one step and brush my teeth. If that isn’t efficiency…don’t know what is.

So let’s see …there were no special dinners or special dances at the park last week. That big fun doesn’t start until December. I have had the privilege of attending one of their Hawaiian Luaus in the past so I know what goes on. First thing I know for sure is that everyone has a rippin’ good time, especially after the Mai Tais kick in. Another thing I have noticed is there are a few devious and crafty widows who have their fingers crossed hoping that the other woman (probably their friend) will keel over so they can move in on the woman’s husband. They are circling like vultures waiting to pounce on their prey. (Sorry, I guess I’ve been watching too much Animal Kingdom.) But as statistics show….it’s usually the other way around, and the man kicks the proverbial bucket before the woman. ‘So good luck Mabel, if you think you can scoop ole Henry over there in the corner.’

The best thing about the trip was seeing that my grandmother was feeling better. She had gotten Shingles…..which sounds like she was going to do a little carpentry work on the outside of her house, but just ask her, it sure isn’t. Anyway, my grandma who is almost 93 seems to be getting through the worst of it. I would like to think that seeing our smiling faces… know… family, relatives, people who love you…. was the reason she started feeling better. I’m hoping grandma lives way past 100 years old….it would be fun to see Willard Scott wish her a “Happy Birthday.” Plus I’m hoping I might have inherited those longevity genes, cuz the ones from grandpops and his bro don’t look too promising. Go Grams!!

Anyway, it is good to be baaaaaaaacccccccckkkkkkkck….

Monday, October 15, 2007

Over The River and Through The Woods...

I'm gonna take a few days off from blogging….aren’t you the lucky one? I am going with my mother to visit her mother in Florida. That would technically be my grandmother. And she is 93 so every visit is very important…. especially to us. So when I am away I will not be able to blog. She lives in a retirement community…(let’s face it, you are very retired at 93 …heck, you are even tired of being retired) and she doesn’t have a computer (forget internet access) in her crib. It’s not like she hasn’t heard of it…after all, she is alive and kicking in the 21st century, but she frankly has no use for a computer.

I’m sure someday when my kid’s kids are flying around in their very own personal planes….I’ll be hugging my 4-door machine with 4 tires called a car. You’ll be hearing me say, “That’s okay honey, I’m gonna stick my Ford Escape over here….See ya when I get there.” Or when they talk through their sunglasses with music playing in the background on what they call a “Com - short for communications device”, I will say, That’s okay honey, I’m gonna stick with my nifty Motorola mobile cell phone.”

So when I get back, I might have a story or two from there….You see, that place is rich with material….lots of stuff going on….I’m sure there’s a dinner at the Rec. hall at 4pm followed by a dance til 7pm!!!

Friday, October 12, 2007

Blog On

It has been almost a month since I first started to blog. By the way…do you know how the word blog was invented? Interesting fact here if you don’t already know. It is from two words….Web and Log. I’m glad someone (whoever you are) came up with “Blog.” I prefer the sound of, “I’m keeping a Blog” (Very Nice) so much better than “I’m keeping a Web Log.” (Nerdy)

And so I go: blog, blog, blog. But when my blog starts to sound like, Blah, Blah, Blah…I will have to sign-off forever. At this juncture, however, I will continue to blog the internet with kats tale of 5 until my peeps (Wishy Bones, Big C, Col, Frank the Tank -"just a nickname not a tank at all, and did I mention very sweet", and Deedlebug) tell me to stop.

So when my blog starts looking like and smelling like bologna…(Notice how much the word blog looks like bologna when you pronounce it the way it is spelled: bolog- na…pretty close, eh!)….. I will depend on the aforementioned to tell me to stop. They can say it gently with a wink and a nod, or they can shout it out: “Enough Already Kat!!”

Yep, I will fade into blogworld oblivion leaving only some final dots……. Until then….I Blog On!!!

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Bull Work or Squirrel Work

My brother-in-law has the most interesting division of labor ever figured out for married couples. Before he does anything, he figures out if it is bull work or squirrel work. Bull work is something that the man does…such as heavy lifting, moving furniture, cutting down trees, shoveling snow…you know the big physical jobs. Squirrel work is smaller work and that is done by the woman….scheduling appointments, cooking the dinner, washing the dishes, vacuuming the floor, dusting the furniture…need I say more. The only problem with my brother-in-law's “rational thinking” is that my husband is totally on board with it. So for instance, the wife (uh, me) would be required to do the laundry because that has “squirrel work” written all over it. BUT if I needed the washing machine moved…yup, that’s bull work. Squirrel work is ironing the clothes and hanging them in the closet….. Bull work would be building a new closet. Getting the picture??? .

A very interesting thing about bull work is that sometimes it requires other bulls to get together to do it. The bulls congregate, put their bull heads together, maybe get a case, just in case they get thirsty, and talk about how the bull work should be done.

Now I can’t figure out what I dislike most about Squirrel work….is it the actual jobs in the squirrel category or the fact that I would ever be considered gray haired and bushy tailed. …...

Now I have a Bull work and Squirrel work decision dilemma-
It is time to practice driving with Sweet Wishy who is learning to drive and needs lots of practice. Would this be bull work or squirrel work? Don’t know …that’s a hard one…just know….all bulls and squirrels, head for the hills!!!

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Designer Dogs

Do you like to dress your dog up and put clothes on him? Maybe not a whole outfit…like Seven jeans and a Harley Davidson jacket, but you know, a doggie sweater or maybe a little doggie scarf. After a day at the dog spa, our groomer puts a scarf on Duncan. To tell you the truth, I think it makes him look like a fruitcake…so I rip it off as soon as I am out of eye range of the woman. I wouldn’t want to offend the groomer lady. She is actually awesome and Duncan and I totally respect her. Duncan respects her because she has the scissors and his world by the b… and one slip could do a lot of damage. I respect her because she likes to use the word “bitches” when she talks about dogs. She does sound a little nasty, like she is swearing, but she can totally get away with it. She knows a lot about dogs and when you use the word “bitches”, it sounds like you have a PhD in dogs.

Back to doggie dress up….I have to admit, I have put a bowtie on Duncan for New Years Eve. On one particular New Years, we had some friends visit with their two dogs. At midnight we put party hats on the dogs and took their picture. It sounds kinda stupid and immature (we were young, really), but at the time, Oh so funny.

Chelsea has always wanted Duncan to wear an outfit. She has a friend who has a little dog that she dresses up with bows and clothes, so Chelsea started begging (good girl, nice Chelsea:) for something special for Duncan to wear. Reluctantly I got Duncan this big red jersey that had the number 9 on the back of it. Although he wasn’t a willing participant, we managed to get it on him. The jersey had to stretch way the heck over his big barrel chest. After all, he is a portly Portuguese water dog who has given up on his figure over the past 9 and a half years. He looked kinda silly, but I have to say, it made him look athletic. He looked like he could be a mascot for a team. Anyway, the kids really liked it and I think Duncan did too ….because when he wore it, they paid A LOT more attention to him. The kids played with him, gave him treats, threw the ball, and said nice things to him.

See, all ya need are some cool threads! Suddenly you’re a people magnet and everyone wants a piece of ya!

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

It's So Random

This is so random…a random subject and it is about the word "random. " Colin uses the word random a lot and I have decided I like it too. When you want to change subjects because you just can’t stand to hear the person talk another boring word about their boring life: You say: “This is random, but…I heard Jeb moved to Mexico.” See how that worked….subject change….GOOD. The person totally goes with the convo change, because you said it was random. But if you said, “Excuse me, I heard Jeb moved to Mexico?” They would give you a disgusting look and think you were a rude, irritating scoundrel for interrupting and changing the subject…..NOT GOOD. So remember that using random is socially acceptable and comes in handy to get you out of a totally snoozzzzing conversation.

Here’s another random use that I picked up from the master himself. I asked Colin, “Who was at the party with you last nite?” He says, “hmmm…random people.” Okay, random people. First of all, what do random people look like? Are their features randomly on their faces....are their noses sticking out of the sides of their heads? Oh, now I get it! It is his way of saying: “other kids were there but don’t think I am about to start naming names.”

My time to turn the tables on Colinboy. I have a random usage all set for him the next time he comes home from school and I just can’t wait to break it out on him. Colin comes in the kitchen and says, “Hey mom, what’s for dinner tonite?” I say, “Oh, random food you can find.” And that’s my way of saying: “what are ya thinkin’, its Saturday nite…I don’t cook on Saturdays, never did, never will and not about to start.” See I’m totally off the hook for the dinner thing cuz I used random!

Let’s see if there is another random usage I can employ……hmmmmm…. My husband says, “How much did you spend on your trip to Nordstroms today?” I smile and say, “oh, a random amount on random things.” ….Work it, Kat!!!

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Manny is Our Man

Did you see that game last night? It had the perfect ending…that is, if you are a Red Sox fan. So, it’s the bottom of the ninth and the score is tied with two outs. Big Papi is up. Big Decision for the Angels: Let Big Papi hit and hope he doesn’t stick it to you or Walk Big Papi and hope Manny doesn’t stick it to you. As they say, “pick your poison.” Decision made: Intentionally walk the Big Guy …that brings Manny up. What’s Manny gonna do….does ANYONE ever know what Manny is gonna do? First pitch: Ball one. Second Pitch: Fastball…and that sucker is going, going, gone out of the park…Manny raises both arms and watches the ball before he runs the bases. Manny killed the ball ….. it flew over the infield, outfield, soared over the Monster seats, heck it took-off like it had wings headed for the Boston Museum of Fine Arts - where it belongs - a piece of art from the Manny Ramirez Collection. A walk-off, 3-run homer - Game Over….Red Sox win.

Manny is an interesting character, a true personality, an individual …when they made Manny they broke the mold. Anyway you crack it, you can see he loves the game and is determined to have a good time. He smiles, makes faces, goofs around with the guys and sometimes disappears into the Green Monster. (What does he do back there, anyway??) Manny does things Manny’s way ….. You gotta let Manny do his thing, because when you do, good things can happen.

You wouldn’t say Manny looks like your typical baseball player…far from clean cut Babe Ruth look here. When you see Manny standing at the plate….you see a dude with a scruffy face, wearing a uniform that looks big and baggy. His hair is in dreadlocks and sometimes it’s tinted red, and when he takes off his helmet, he’s sportin’ a do-rag. Heck, if he wasn’t wearing number 24 – we would think he was the lastest rappa with his hit single: “Hit Manny, like it’s your birthday.” He takes a lot of crapola from the press from time to time about “Manny being Manny”, but jeez that’s what we like about him!

After the game Manny was quoted as saying, “I haven’t been right all year round. But I guess, when you don’t feel good and you still get hits, that’s when you know you’re a bad man.” Manny, you are our bad man!!!

Friday, October 5, 2007

Life In a Fish Vase

I have to tell you about our amazing fish. We don’t have a name for him other than Fishy, so Fishy is the best fish ever, with the most unoriginal name. Wait a minute, I called Fishy a “he." Maybe he’s a “she." I'm not sure how to tell the difference between a boy and girl fish.

Fishy is a goldfish that I bought at Petco about 3 years ago for the reasonable price of $2.10. I keep him in a large hurricane vase on the top of a chest of drawers in the middle of our foyer. I guess most people would have put a nice candle in the vase, or something decorative, but that makes too much sense.

Fishy has grown remarkably large over the years and the mirror behind the vase makes Fishy look mammoth. Fishy likes to make his presence he splashes around and makes a lot of racquet...which I hear from other rooms in the house. I love to pet him, just to let him know how much I appreciate him.

When I change his water, I put him in a little plastic cup and pet him on his fishy back before I put him back into his home. He actually feels quite smooth and not scalely, at all. Occasionally I have mishaps when changing the water, and drop him in the sink. I always rescue him before he slides down the drain to the garbage disposal. Besides the toilet is a better resting place.

We also bring Fishy with us when we go to the beach. (It’s always good to get back to your roots.) We transfer him to a small plastic fishbowl …..(that’s his traveling bowl)…and wedge him in between our beach chairs and beach towels for the ride.

I realize this story about our fish probably seems a little odd - especially coming from Kat – cuz you know the story, if I was a real cat, Fishy would have been history by now!!!!

Thursday, October 4, 2007

I Wanna Be A Rock Star!

Two nights ago I saw Bruuuuuuuuce with Paul and 2 good friends at a sold-out concert - That would be Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band! They are the very definition of cool! Amazing! Do I need to say anything more??

I have always thought it would be the ultimate to be a rock star…Some people might prefer to be a professional athlete or dancer, but for me it is a rock star…by far! When I was in high school….I wanted to be, Carole I Feel the Earth Move Under my Feet King, frizzy hair and all! Then I admit, I faltered in-between…I wanted to be Barbra Streisand…I didn’t want her nose, but totally wanted her voice. .she’s not exactly a rocker, but definitely a presence. I used to sing Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs…isn’t that how they were meant to be sung? Then I wanted to be Melissa Etheridge. OMG, I still think I want to be her today. Not her lifestyle (not that there’s anything wrong with it), she can have that, but give me her talent. Her husky voice and the way she rocks on her guitar – now that is cool. And she is a Berklee grad which makes her very special in this household. If I was a guy rocker dude….I would definitely wanna be Dave ultimate jammer Matthews. For a young cool rocker guy….I would be Chris Bend and not Break Carraba from Dashboard Confessional. Don’t worry about me though….this only occurs when I go to a concert. It’s not like I’m gonna run off with the band or anything!!!

Okay, so here’s the closest I come to rock stardom….I sing the national anthem at sporting events. I realize it isn’t exactly a rockin’, jammin’ song, but just think about it for a sec……..people stand for you, know all your words, sing along with you, and even hoot, holler, whistle and clap for you when you finish. That sounds exactly like a Bruuuuuuuuuuce concert. So, if that is the closest I can get…....... OH SAY CAN YOU SEE, BABY!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

This One's for You - October 3, 2007

Happy Anniversary to my Husband! We have been married, wedded, hitched, tied, knotted, ball and chained for 26 years – wow, that’s a long time. It is interesting, the words used to refer to being married… they sound so torturous…But lucky for me, it’s not! Last year we marked our milestone 25th anniversary with a “once in a lifetime” trip to Italy. The only problem is, I want to go again….not once! So how do you follow up a trip to Italy? – with golf and a nice dinner, of course. Okay, not exactly Italy, but we’ll probably be eating Italian food. Being the traditionalists that we are – we do our thing….over and over. And if you want to know what I am talking about, come over and look in the windows and you will see:

Me in my wedding dress – yep, I’ll actually be wearing it. It sounds a little strange, but I put it on every year (the years that I was pregnant, I had it wiiiide open in the back). I keep my dress stored away in a blue Rubbermaid plastic container in the basement. I have to admit, it is not as white as it used to be. Then my hubby and I dance to our special song by Barbra Streisand, “Something so right.” Chels, Col, and Bri sit on the couch and watch as we dance around the room. When the kids were little, they found the whole thing very interesting and sat there with big eyes. When they got older they would roll their eyes, make faces and jeering comments…. “You actually wore that on your wedding day? That’s how you guys danced? Do we have to sit here anymore?” Funny thing is, now the 2 in college will call us: “Happy Anniversary, mom and dad! You wore your wedding dress and did your dance, didn’t you?”

Paul is a great husband to go along with the hooopla… (although I think he wants to make sure I can still get into the dress.) I look forward to his card ….he always writes something so beautiful, loving and sentimental. This is when I cry….a nice cry, not an ugly, nose running cry. So if you peek in the windows tonite….you will get a glimpse of Kat and Paul still doing “Something so right.”

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

How do you talk to your dog?

Tone of voice is everything! The following is to be read in a sweet sappy voice: “OOOh Duncans…Come here my sweet crappy Duncan. Get over here my stupid dog…just look at you…you look ridiculous…. you have a silly haircut…all the other dogs are laughing at you. No barking your stupid fool head off.” Why do I feel compelled to say these things to my dog, all in a sweet, nice voice? “Hey goofy dog, get your chubby butt over here.” Yup, he is eating every word of it …his tailing is wagging faster and faster. “Oh, Duncabunks, you pain in the rump roast …want a treat? You silly poop head, how’s my dumb puppy?” Tone of voice IS everything!!

But us humans are a little smarter than our four-legged friends. Yep, it’s all in the tone. I ask my son if he is going to bed before 2 in the morning while at college and he replies, “Surrrrrre Mom” and I know what he’s really saying is, “You need a reality check Mom – Get a life!” I say to my daughter, after a friendly little discussion about her money spending at college, “ Thank you darling for being so understanding.” And she says, “No. Thank YOU." What she is really saying is, “you’re such a pain – get off my back!” Allrighty, I get the message… I can’t be fooled ...I’m no 4-legged animal. (although once, when I hiked, Duncan blew right by me and I actually wished I had four legs instead of my measly two!)

Monday, October 1, 2007

Rabibit, Rabbit, Rabbit

"Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit" is a very key saying/superstition for our family. It is said by everyone in our family on the first day of the month for good luck. And to get the very, very BEST ever kind of luck, the kind of luck where you say, “Man, I am a lucky dog," you have to have it be the very first thing you say when you wake up. So this morning, my eyes popped open about 3 a.m. and I said OUT LOUD, “rabbit, rabbit, rabbit,” Does that make me a weirdo or set to win the lottery?? Actually I decided to google “rabbit, rabbit, rabbit” to find out. And “Presto” – pulled out a bunny - there is a whole google page on it….so you see we are quite normal after all! It says that the superstition has been around since 1420 in England, maybe even since the 1200’s. We have, however, changed it so it is still good luck when you tell others to say it. "Don't forget to say, rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, ” we remind each other. “Oh yea, duh, I said that already.” So then the text messages go around with Chels and Colin….rabbit, rabbit, rabbit!! This is our version on a superstition that has been around for eight hundred years. So Happy October 1st and rabbit, rabbit, rabbit to everyone and theirs!!! Or if you prefer, Bunny, Bunny, Bunny….