Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Happy Leap Year DAY

If February 29th is your actual birthday....
(happy birthday)

What day do you celebrate during a non-leap year?
February 28?
March 1st? 
March 9?

Or do you wait every 4 years and then have one hell of a
when you GET DOWN
and play a lively game of leap frog?

The four years between birthdays sounds like a quantum leap,
but the LEAP does have it's advantages. 
When your friends are well into their middle ages,
you're only a teenager.


There is a long winded explanation surrounding the origin of Leap Day,
but I thought I'd spare you the details and leap over all the boring stuff. 
All you really need to know is
Julius Caesar had his hand in it...
and his a tasty salad.

So what are your plans for your extra 24 hours?

Any fun and exciting ideas leap to mind?

Maybe you are thinking of marrying today?
You would only have to remember your anniversary every four years.
(You might want to think twice before you make this leap.)  

Maybe you are thinking of doing something EXTREMELY monumental ...
and taking a giant leap for mankind...
There is nothing like a walk on a new planet to mark the day.

I can't help leap for joy
thinking about the possibilties.

I want to make sure I think long and hard,
before I leap feet first into my bonus day. 
Another Leap Day won't be back around for 1461 days. 

Plus, if you don't look before you leap,
you can easily step in it.

Monday, February 27, 2012

Oscar REVEAL 2012

Let's be real...
The reason most of us watch the Oscars is to see
what the beautiful people are wearing
and to separate them into 2 categories...

Best Dressed


What Were You Thinking?

It's the reason we'll sit for hours through boring speeches by "The Academy" and
boring documentary awards. 

My Picks...

Best Dressed

What were you thinking?

And if the night is a real success...
we  are witness to a stumble/screw up/or snafu. 

This year...was the year of the snafu
and the slut slit.

Was that a wardrobe malfunction with J. Lo's gown...
exposing something that rhymes with "ripple?"

 (You be da Judge.)

And Angelina's slit...
exposing her thrusted right leg
happend to take on a life and a twitter account of its own.


The beautiful actors and actresses have worked long and hard
with diet,
and procedures
to make a fashion statement. 

As they walk the red carpet....
the fashion designers get free plugs for their creations.

Who are you wearing?
“Tonight I’m wearing a champagne Marchesa gown,
jewelry by Tiffany,
(face by Dr. Ramsey.”)
Fashion Statement:  "I am one hot mama." 

Last night...I was making my own fashion statement.

Who are you wearing?
"Tonight I’m wearing a flannel gown by
the fashion duo Lord & Taylor,
facecream by Revlon."
Fashion Statement:  "I am one warm (and cozy) mama."

Friday, February 24, 2012

My Kind of Swanky

I love going to swanky places,
but that's usually when I find out how
unswanky I am.

Where better to find swanky
than a
downtown LA hotel rooftop pool?

Big city hotel pools always have a vibe going...
it's LA, baby.

The swanky vibe first starts with the music...
a pounding techno beat stuck on replay.
(hmmm...I wonder who decided this was cool?)
I found myself keeping time with the music...
my head to the concrete deck...
on every down beat.

To crank up the swanky vibe ...
hotels will throw mattresses around the pool.
(I wonder who first decided
a Sealy Postapedic on a concrete pool deck was cool?)

And apparently real pool hipsters wear
cool hats
with cool brims
 to increase their cool factor.


I totally rocked
"my kind of swanky"
at that LA Live pool.

And I was easy to spot, just in case PaulA was looking for me.

There I was...

rocking out with my iPod set to some real music...
Jimmy Buffet.

And after finishing my margarita...
and adjusting my parrot hat...
I took a swim around my mattress.

The line between swanky

is preeettty thin.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

DROID Pressing Matters

Don't 'cha hate it when your smart phone has the upper hand?

I like to think
that I am smarter than my phone
But my DROID always has me at

 I've owned the Droid for over a year now
and have become comfortable with many of its applications. 
(Although I'm sure there are some apps I have yet to apply.) 
But the one thing I can't seem to get  used to is the
touch screen. 

Is it me?


my unfortunate finger incident
has left me with some
'pressing matters.'

Don't worry...I  still have my finger...
but I did shock the tip of it
(don't ask)
and lost a little feeling.

In otha words...
I shocked the zip out of my index finger. 

Wait....why am I  referring to my finger as an "index finger?"
I can't remember when it last rummaged through an index file.


Ever since my "touch screen finger" incident...
I've had trouble using my Droid.
I don't press hard enough on the screen...
which usually leads to misspelled texts
and frustration.

And because a finger tip transplant is not a convenient option...
I've been forced to make an adjustment when texting. 
I now use my
middle finger.

Which makes a lot of sense.

My  middle finger
happens to express exactly how I feel about the touch screen.

Hey,  'pressing matters' aside...
This Kat, may be smarter than
the DROID.

Friday, February 17, 2012

The Spin on Jeremy Lin

The recent attention and focus on New York Knick's player Jeremy Lin is

So why all the media spin on Lin? Well....

He's of asian descent. rare.

He's breaking all kinds of records. rare.

He's brought hope to bench warmers. everywhere.

Most people can appreciate a good Underdog story.
And Underdog cartoon.
You know...the almighty rise of the mighty Underdog.

So when Lin got the nod to come off the bench and play for the Knicks...
he rose to the occasion.
The jock strapped on his Underdog cup cape...
and salvaged what was left of the Knick's season.

To say that Lin earns a fraction of what Carmelo Anthony,
the injured he is helping replace, earns...
is an underdog statement.
The fraction is actually four one-hundredths or .04.
Although $788,500 isn't bad 'Quan"..
it doesn't add up to the 18.5 million Quantum
that Carmelo gets paid.
If Lin keeps this up...they will have to
"Show Lin the money."


Will Lin be able to keep this up?
Will Lin continue to play at this awe inspiring record breaking level?

Is Lin a lark ?

a fluke?

a flark?

I believe he's the real deal. A flark with spark.

This Kat actually scouted Jeremy Lin during his college basketball days.
(yep, I know how to pick 'em.)

When UCONN played Harvard in Storrs on December 6, 2009...
I was the National Anthem singer.
I would like to think it was my linspirational singing that motivated Lin to score 30 points in that game.
(Let's just say he stood out...head and shoulders.
UCONN was lucky to beat the Crimson Brainiacs by 6.)

Should Lin's Underdog cape crap out...and he is once again shown the bench...
I'm pretty sure he can bounce back from basketball.
Apparently Lin has the brains to go along with the balls.

And Luckily for Lin...

there is a job market
for Harvard graduates
with an affinity for basketball.
Ummm... I believe that is working for Obama.....

Wait, Now I'm thinking of a new presidential nominee.

Lin for President.

At this point in the Lin Spin...

Lin might be considered a shoe-Lin.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Yummy Girl Scout Cookies

It's that time...
time to place your Girl Scout cookie order.

It's been a while since we've had a Girl Scout in da house.
Big C and Wishy proudly wore the green sashes back in the day.
Now their cookie days are left...
(to my) behind.

My favorite Girl Scout cookies, butt by far, are Thin Mints.
Unfortunately Thin Mints don't live up to their name,
no matter how many I eat.
oh, sugar.


The days of Girl Scouts selling cookies door-to-door have changed.
With today's technology they don't ever have to face a door,
or a face.

I first noticed the change in selling tactics with voice messages left on our home phone..
now it has progressed to
and Facebook messages.

          My faith, however, in the ole hit the road Dale Carnegie selling style was renewed
when lying on a beach in Fort Lauderdale.
(no I wasn't on spring break).
A voice woke me from my nap saying,
" Would you be interested in some Girl Scout cookies."
And standing there, in the blinding sun...
was a little Girl Scout...
or was it God...
granting me cookie wishes?

The benefits of ole school door-to-door selling is that it teaches young girls
perseverance, tenacity, and resilience.
Should a door close...
gather your cookies and move on to the next.

No matter how the cookie crumbles...
there could be a Tagalong or Do-Si-Do friendly face right next door.
Or a Kat looking for a Thin butt Mint.

Get your Girl Scout cookies now, folks.
And don't forget the men and women overseas.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

LOVE Colintine's Day

gimme an "L"

gimme an "O"

gimme a  "V"

gimme an "E"

What does that spell?


For most people...

today is Valentine's Day.

But for PaulA and I, today is the day to celebrate love and life.

Our love

Colin's life.

Happy Birthday, Colin!


I have so many wonderful memories of Colin's theme parties through the years.
(action hero, monster truck, baseball, golf, football, hockey...)

I love the time Colin requested for his birthday dinner...
Meat Loaf
at home.
Nothing says
Happy Birthday/ Happy Valentine's Day
ground beef
in rectangular form, frosted with ketchup.

Then there was the year Colin asked to take over our bedroom for the night...
complete with king bed and television.
He'd call for room service and I'd bring his order up on a tray.

His wish was my command.

I'm just saying...
if Colin asked me for the sun and the moon...
I would have looked for a way to get it for him.

Happy Birthday, Colin.

May this year be your year.
A year of wonderful surprises and accomplishments...
both personally and professionally.


Monday, February 13, 2012

Got Winter?

What happened to winter?
Where did it go?

So far the winter gods have spared us
sidewalk slipping,
snow and ice.

I'm not sure what it all means....

Maybe Al Roker Gore is correct and global warming is more fact
than Gorey NOTION.
Maybe we are gonna be burnt toast in a few years.
I hope not...
I much prefer toasty buns.

Now that it's already mid-February, I'm feeling like winter is about over.
A snowstorm now would be oh-so cruella-deVille.
The winter gods better not be getting any lame ideas about playing
a not-so-funny joke this April 1st.


Yesterday I chuckled to myself as I watched a woman go into
TJ Maxx
for the minimum.
She was wearing black furry boots,
a black down puffy jacket,
and a white knit cap.
She looked adorable in her outfit,
but stupid...
all in the same fashion moment.
She was only going from her car to the store...
and it was 45 degrees and sunny.

The woman probably bought her outfit on sale last week...
and was damn well gonna wear it...
come hell
high temperatures.

Friday, February 10, 2012

In Cabo, Wish You Were Here

Do you remember vacation before cell phones, iPads, and delicious blackberries?
Whenever you wanted to send greetings back home to your family and friends…
you wrote out a postcard and dropped it in the mailbox.
“Scribble and drop” came waaay before “click and send.”

The 3 ½ x 4 ½ postcard was actually a BOASTcard:
nah, nah, nah, nah

The act of sending postcards is a lost art.
The process of carefully selecting just the right card and crafting a message
is going the way of the horse and buggy...
and you never want to be behind...a horse.

Now we simply take a pic with our phones and forward it to 10 of our friends…
at the same time.
Subject: “Wish you were here.”

You always had to be very careful about getting too personal...
with whatever you wrote on the back of the card.
Otherwise, everyone....especially the mailman...knew what you were doing in Vegas.


I was thinking Twitter probably got their tweeting idea...
“What I’m doing"…in 140 characters or less from the BOASTcard.

Short sweet and to the point....

"In Cabo for some Sun, Sand, Salsa, and Siesta.
Wish you were here...Gato"

140 characters is all the space you need to send out
an obnoxious BOAST to your friends and family back home.
nah, nah, nah, nah :)

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Baldwin Bunch

I wonder what a flight attendant's life is really like?
I'm guessing it's NOT very glamorous.  
(After all, someone has to deal with the Alec Baldwins of the world.)

Flight Attendants couldn't possibly be in it for the food...
although some may have lowered their  standards.  
Southwest Airlines attendants actually call
honey roasted nuts and cinnamon crips
"Breakfast" as they pass it out.  
(I ask you...How is that supposed to put a tiger in my tank?)

Plus...having to share a bathroom with hundreds of people...
many of them asses...
just sounds so shitty.

But lack of respect would be the hardest aspect of the job to endure...
having to deal with
rude, crude, and lewd passengers.


On my last Southwest Airlines flight I decided to be extra nice and cooperative
so I officially declared it a....
"Hug Your Flight Attendant Day."

As the Flight Attendants gave instructions about exits and life vests...
I stood up and shouted for everyone to give them them their undivided attention...
okay, not really...but I did pay close attention.

And when the bag o' nuts was tossed my way....
I expressed extreme gratitude  for my "Breakfast."

I'm sure the Attendants could feel the virtual hugs
this Kat was sending their way...
that is, until  one particular nasty ass flight attendant 
insisted for the FiNAL time...
I turn off my iPad.

woah.....stop right there.

That's when this passenger got
with the rude, crude, and lewd crew....
The Baldwin Bunch.  

Hey, it was a nice thought.  Shouldn't that count for something?

Friday, February 3, 2012

Phamous Phil's Prediction

You know who I’m disgusted with right now?

Not Dr. Phil...the Tall Texan, egocentric shrink.
Not Phil Collins...he hasn't done anything lately.
But, Punxsutawney Phil...the so-called weather predicting rodent.

Apparently Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow on Groundhog's Day

and we know what that means...
Six more weeks of ratty weather.
It seems that every year Phil emerges from his burrow and sees his shadow. 
Hey Phil, cut us a break out here.

So as they say in the movie...
"It is Groundhog’s day, all over again.” 
We should think about changing Phil’s name to Punxsutawney Pete
It's just a rePete forecast every year, anyway.


I have more faith in Cupid...who is more on target.
A proven marksbabyman.  
I was stung by his arrow when I first met PaulA….
so I know there’s some truth to a pudgy baby with wings and some sharp arrows...
a weather predicting rodent.

I say...
Hit the road, Punxsutawney Phil...
you might wanna tread carefully as you move along though. 

My prediction for your survival???
100 percent road kill.

Phil’s record hasn’t been that stellar over the years. 
I hear he’s been 39 percent accurate. 
Even meteorologist, Al Roker, would have been fired from his gig Today
and immediately sent tomorrow....
to the desert to guess on the weather.

The poor rodent was probably pissed off and getting even with us,
after being pulled from his warm burrow,
just so some goony looking guys in top hats could make a weather prediction.

I know if I was yanked from my warm bed...
and forced to look at my bed head shadow...
my forecast would be...
 impending doom.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Happy February

Happy February 1st

Hard to believe we are already into the second month of 2012...
the shortest month of the year.
 Thank goodness the Gregorian calendar
gives us 29 days this leap year. 


February is a month for 


May your hours be satisfying,
your days be savory,
and your month be saweeeeet.

Heartfelt wishes to YOU
and your VALENTINE for a month of Good Luck.