Sunday, September 30, 2012

Bagel Trend

How do you like your bagel?
Under a bit of butter?
Under a schmear of cream cheese?
Under a layer of lox?
How about a bagel...
under your forehead?
Say what???
In Japan...not only can you get Botox around the eyes...
you can get a bagel in the middle of your forehead.
Japan's current body modification trend
is a saline injection into the forehead. 
After the 400cc saline swelling is at maximum puffiness
and the bagel is sufficientely 'baked'...
the ‘practitioner’ makes an indentation with his thumb. 
the perfect bagel forehead.
Personally, I don’t get the craze,
I do see how it will help provide
extra cushioning
when I take up headbutting.
The bagel forehead isn’t permanent...
lasting 24 hours or less. 
But caution to bagel foreheads. It does come with risks. 
With repeated bagel forehead formation...
the skin can loose elasticity and become baggy.
Baggy pants may be “in”...
but nothing screams “out”
more than a baggy forehead.

Growing up, our family didn’t eat bagels.
With an English/Welch heritage and “Thomas” for a last name...
it was only ‘Thomas’s English Muffins’ for our crew.
That all changed when I went to college and I found two loves...
and the tasty starchy carb.
Over the years I have cut down on my bagel consumption...
mainly because I was worried about developing
Bagel Butt. 
But now I’m wondering if that some day it may be in vogue.
I’m thinking there’s a chance that once the
bagel forehead faze flattens out...
a bagel butt craze
could be on the rise.

They do say
"bagels aren’t just for breakfast anymore."

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

NFL Referee Strike

If you are a football fan
or close to one...
you’ve heard screaming
about the NFL referee strike.  
The Referee union and NFL owners
are banging heads over the terms of the
referee’s pen$ion and compen$ation.
  It’s always about the money.
Unfortunately the lockout of the league’s professional officials has brought
"Replacement Refs" to officiate the games...
aka scabs
(many with zero experience in officiating professional sports.)
These replacement refs have fans and coaches seeing red,
and many fans and bookies losing green.
(It’s always about the money.)
They have botched, bungled, and butchered calls...
and blown game-changing plays.
They have fumbled, fouled, and fallen down...
and they aren’t even running plays.
The Seattle Seahawks
The Green Bay Packers...

The fate of that Monday Night Football game was decided by a
whose previous experience was reffing
high school and junior college games.
The banker called it a Seahawk 'touchdown'
when it should have been a Green Bay 'interception.'
 A banker with no professional experience is hardly
an asset to the game.
Heck, even the
the Lingerie Football League
fired some replacement refs due to 'incompetent officiating.'

You know the replacement refs are extra atrocious
when a league that plays in

bras and skimpy underwear...

sees through the flimsy outfit.
This lockout has me thinking about how powerful a strike can be.
I, myself and I,
has threatened
to strike before...
to walk off this blogging job
in an effort
to get more comments
from my readers. 
Now I'm thinking I should have a
novice, incompetent scab
replace me,
so readers miss my expertly honed blogging skills. 

Maybe the readers would come around. 
That genius thought crossed my mind....
until I realized
there are those who will pick the


every time
 I would just be left

licking my wounds.



Monday, September 24, 2012

iPhone Phrenzy

we all scream for
So were you one of the gazillions of people around the world last Friday who
queued up and segued your way along
a long, long line for Apple’s new iPhone 5?
The only time I’ve waited in a line that long was
Free Cone Day
 at Ben and Jerry’s. 
woo hoo.. 
(chocolate fudge brownie, get in my belly.)
for iceCREAM
When it comes to the smart phone...
the Android has been the Apple of my eye. 
I love the way it whispers “droid” to me whenever I get a text. 
It has me at “droid”...every time.

BUT, don’t get me wrong,
I am a fan of many varieties of Apples...
the iPad...the iPod...and the McIntosh (the original Mac.)
 (I was born in I know my apples.)

The launch of the new Apple phone couldn’t have been better timed.
After all, the Fall is apple picking season.
But watch your apples...
the new iPhone is so hot,
people are stealing them...
giving new meaning to “apple picking.”

As with the launching of every brand new product, there are glitches. 
The glitch with the new iPhone 5 has to do with the map app...
but I’m sure they will work the worms out of it any day.

One bad apple app ...
don’t spoil the whole bunch.
So...Let’s get down to the core of the apple
Who are these people willing to stand in line for
hours and hours and hours
for the new iPhone 5?
Gadget Geeks?
Techno Techs?
People who buy into the “hype?"
People who like being "first" to own?
Geeky Techs who buy into the 'hype' and want to be ' first'  to own new products?

Apparently, these folks like their Apples
crisp and right off the tree.

I don't want to upset the Apple cart...
but I prefer to let my Apple ripen
over a period of time.
After it has matured,
I enjoy it...
before it rots.
After the iPhone frenzy calms down...
I’ll probably go Apple picking.
(wait, I’m paying.)
I’m sure I’ll eventually pick the iPhone5
and add it to my collection
of other Apple Products...

iHear there is nothin’ like an

Apple iProduct Pie...
hot out of the oven.