Thursday, October 31, 2013

Twerk or Treat

What age do you think is too old to go out

My Answer:  
No age limit.
 if you're expecting to get candy out of this Kat…
make sure you wear a costume.
For any trick-or-treater posers out there…
a baseball cap isn't a costume.
I've seen goth teenagers hanging around the mall who look more ready for Halloween.


The past few years I've dressed to answer the door.
Not that I normally show up naked.

One year I wore a Dunkin' Donuts employee shirt and hat (from Bri's friend) 
and handed out munchkin donuts 
along with Halloween candy.   
I'm pretty sure my neighbors thought I'd been 
moonlighting at DD's and just got off work.

Another year I dressed as a beauty pageant ‘Miss.’ 
I donned a bridesmaid gown, heels, and sash 
and smudged eye makeup and lipstick across my face.

My sash read: “Miss Applied”.  
Get it? 
(The trick-or-treaters didn't get it, 
but their parents did.)

I love costumes that are a play on words.

This is simply punderful.
Wow...nice spice rack.

Sometimes costumes are borderline inappropriate
if not completely and utterly inappropriate.

If Miley Cyrus's foam finger 
or a 
Twerking Teddy
shows up at my door...
twerk or treat

I ain't opening it;

no matter how much the wrecking ball 

comes down on my house.

Happy Halloween

Monday, October 28, 2013

4 Baseball Action Verbs





If you are watching the World Series 
Let's Go Red Sox
you've witnessed a few of these verbs in action.  
And they ain't pretty.

Sometimes the television camera catches a player 
in the dugout with his finger up his nose...
coal-miner style.
(And you know...his mom has told him once, 
if not
a thousand times…
nasal cavity excavation should not be done in public.)

A spit spray of sunflower seeds is unattractive…
but a spit spray of black, nasty, tobacco chew is
MAJOR LEAGE disgusting.
"chew tobacco, chew tobacco, chew tobacco, spit"
Apparently...spit happens.

Nose blowing (without a handkerchief)…
snot rocket
just blows.

I assume the grabbing we see
is just a wardrobe adjustment,
but I’m not a jock.


I might think these verbs are unattractive...
but I was thinking....
(no Kat don't think)
they could actually help  
television networks 
increase viewership
among adolescents.

Replacing the highlight montage of a game's
catches, steals,
strike-outs, and home runs...
with a montage of 
picking, spitting, grabbing, and blowing 
would be an instant hit.

However, we should hope
to never ever see...
a montage of player's
crying, sobbing, and blubbering.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Seriously? Serious Faces

There was a time
serious faces 
were the norm in photographs.
I would happen upon many 
as I creeped perused 
through Facebook.

Miss Chelsea 
was the Queen.

"Don't make that face, Chelsea…
your face is gonna freeze like that."


For some individuals...
the serious/
pissed-off face
sometimes known as
bitchy resting face...
is their signature look.

And nobody does serious/
bitchy resting face
better than 

Kristen Stewart

Posh Spice

unless, of course,
 it was ME….
back in the day.

circa 1976

Apparently the Chelsea Mcintosh 
doesn't fall far from the Kat tree.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

New Anywho Profile Picture

I am never good...
in fact, 
I'm bad
about updating 
my profile pictures on social media.

There's something about
uploading my face to
aka the face lift
that just doesn't get done.

Since the beginning of B.T.
(Blogger Time)
I've had the same profile picture of myself 
with my big ass
blogging chair.

But I figured that it too, could use a lift...
you know what I mean.


I've decided today is the day
my Anywho profile is updated 
with a new picture.

Isn't this the perfect
Anywhoo shirt 
or Whaaat?

No wisecracks 
in any shape or form
from the peanut gallery 
just putting that out there.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

October 13th

Famous people born on 
October 13th
Paul (Garfunkel's other half) Simon turns 72
Marie (Donny's other half) Osmond turns 54
Kelly (John Travolta's other half) Preston turns 51
Nancy (Tonya Harding's other half) Kerrigan turns 44
Kat (PaulA's crazy other half) Blogger turns XX

I don’t mind singing Happy Birthday to YOU,
you and

singing "Happy Birthday to this Kat"

It's so much more 
(It's my birthday, I can use improper English.)
when other people get older.

I remember when I used to think people my age 
were ancient.

Now these oldies are 
my homies,
my cronies,
my peeps…
get down tonight...
(I would, but I can't get up.)


"They" say that people between the ages of 
40 and 70 feel
20% younger.

So it makes sense that 
I feel 31 inside.
(If you're capable of doing the math...
don't bother...
it won't add up.)

I think this phenomenon occurs
 because the aging gods are trying to spare us 
from crying in our beer.

I shouldn't complain about my age....
10 years from today
I would LOVE 
to do this birthday all over again.

"go shawty, it's your birthday."

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Driving in NYC- A Game of Inches

Much like a football game...
when driving in the Big Apple
your goal is the

As with both efforts...
impeding obstacles 
and knuckleheads 
make forward progress very slow and very difficult.

I recently played this 
"game of inches." 

The Playing Field…7th ave at the 48th.
The End Zone…7th ave and 44th.
(Millennium Hotel in Times Square.)

I was a true freshman 
and probably had no business playing in the big game...
but I was playing up. 
They say the only way to truly improve is to play with the 


My drive started
on the 48th with relatively good field position. 

The first play was designed for me
to move quickly
off the light...
wait, wait, wait...go
Then I'd zip around the double parked delivery truck 
and cut back into my lane.
(A good passing lane is key in this game of inches.)
But sure enough…
just when you think you've formulated 
a good offensive play…
there's someone right there in your face...
ready to block you with a well crafted defensive play. 

So before I even saw it coming….
I was blitzed by a double decker sightseeing bus 
that came at me from the right
while a tour bus came at me from the left.

I waited for a flag on the play... 
an "illegal formation" penalty,
but it never came. 
(dang traffic refs)

With my vision obstructed…
I was only able to move another yard or two, 
but I was holding ground.

The next play...
I dropped back and got behind a taxi who ran cover for me.
go Kat go

I started to gain ground
 inch by inch...
yard by yard...
into the 
End Zone…
where I jumped out of my car,
threw the parking attendant the car keys 
and celebrated with a
Kat happy dance.

I was quickly penalized for "excessive celebration"
but it was sooo worth it...

especially when the 
parking attendant and his buddies 
cheered and celebrated
with the wave.

Thursday, October 3, 2013

I Do

32 years ago today…
standing before god, our family, and friends….
PaulA and I said "I DO."
And it was the easiest, surest 2 words I've ever spoken.
There was no stumbling or mumbling…
I  boo, I coo, I foo.

"I DO."
"Something so right."
(Hence the Barbara Streisand song inscription in our wedding bands.)

All those years ago...
Was it written in the stars that our paths would cross?  
Was there a higher power at work? 
Maybe a kismet colossal big bang theory?

Before I met PaulA…
PaulA spent his freshmen year at Villanova.
He transferred to groovy UVM the fall of his sophomore year.
Apparently a voice had whispered in his ear:
"Go North young man…it is your destiny….
 you will meet the woman of your dreams…
the mother of your 3 amazing children...
the love of your life...
the ying to your yang, 
the mustard to your ketchup." (huh?)
I take dramatic license wherever I can.
(this is my blog.just saying.)

then again,
 the voice could have said;
"go to groovy UV
where you'll learn to ski, 
drink yards of beer, 
and possibly meet a chick."
(It was the late 70's, after all.)


To get to my campus dining hall,
(a girl has to eat)
I had to walk by PaulA's dorm.  
Out of the corner of my eye...
I would see him staring at me from his dorm room window.
He didn't try to hide it, 
like most stalkers do.
The next thing I knew…
he was behind me in the cafeteria line
and I could feel his eyes on my butt back.  

This Kat was a willing stalkee...
If PaulA missed a day...the cafeteria was just a place to get food...
not as appetizing. 

After a couple of months of the PaulA and Kat tango ...
our dorm floor had a party with his floor
and we "Officially" met...and started dating.

Our love story…
a tale of divine intervention...
curly haired transfer student 
groovy UV 
long hair parted-in-the-middle chick
on a college campus.
The heavens open 
they fall in love
for a very.long.time.

32 years today...
PaulA + Kat =
So Happy Together.


Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Hello October-Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit

Hello October

Hello October.

Where did September go?

It is sooo SCARY how fast time flies.


Keeping with a Halloween theme this October 1st...