Monday, September 26, 2011

Going Viral

Back in the day when something went “viral”, it was disastrous.
People ran for the hills.

It was definitely something you didn’t want to be a part of.

But these days “viral” is a good thing.

Social media virus = bring it.
Social virus = back it away.

The more contagious you are…the better.
That’s when you’ve created a social buzz,
and it takes on a life of its own, as it hums its way through e-world.

There are a few things that are an EASY antigen to going viral:
A laughing baby, 
a singing dog,
a rant from a lunatic,
a naked pic,
and anyone falling down or getting hurt.

Once you’ve gone viral…it's all about the stats:
How many views do you have? (please, hit me up.)
How many twitter followers do you have? (please, tweet me.)
How many friends do you have? (please "Like" me.)

If you get likes on Facebook…you’ve arrived.
Occasionally I’ll get a “Like”, but I’m usually related to the person doing the liking.
They better like me.
Maybe if Zuckerberg had a “Kinda Like” category,
I might get one of those.


Apparently there is a vaccine out there designed to stop the spread of Kat
and prevent my viral-ness.
Geez…what do I have to do to become contagious?
Or even get a “Like” around here?

Hmmmmm...great idea…

Post a video of myself on FB...
out for a naked walk
with my singing dog,
ranting Charlie Sheenisms,
bouncing a laughing baby
off the cement sidewalk.

Maybe then this Kat would finally go viral…..
Or hopefully at the very least…I would get a “Like.”

Friday, September 23, 2011

Dancing With the 'has-been' Stars

Are you watching DWTS…aka ‘Dancing with the Stars?”
Maybe you don’t watch the show.
Maybe for you “DWTS”…stands for “Don’t Watch Timeworn Stars.”

In case you live under a rock, under a different flag, or down-under…
the show gives passé, obsolete, moldy stars
an opportunity to resurrect their career in a dancing competition...
and to lose weight, by shimming off lbs.
Shake it baby.
(I wish I could be considered. I’m moldy with two left feet and love shakes.)

Ron Artest…aka Metta World Peace...
was the first “celebrity” to be given the quick step to the door
 and voted off the show.
The NBA player (who recently changed his name) has a reputation for brawls, fights, and tangos
with players, coaches, and fans.
It’s very interesting he chose World Peace for his name.

Ron Artest’s name change 
was definitely a PR move to increase his likeability factor.
Maybe I’d get favorable press in blogworld if I did the same.
KatOUT aka “Metta Great Blogger.”


I never vote on DWTS…but if I had voted this week, it would have been for Metta World Peace.
ABC should have never informed the public that his name was Ron Artest in the first place...
he probably would still be dancing.
("You should be Dancing"…sing it Bee Gees.)
Who could have said "no" to World Peace? Not me.
With the elimination of Peace, the show might be in total chaos.

From now on…I’m going to start voting on DWTS.
Seeing World Peace is no longer an option...
I’m voting for the other “celeb” with a name change…
Chaz…previously known as Chastity.

My DWTS vote is definitely for Chaz Bono.
“I got you Babe.”

Cha cha cha...
and all that jive.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Cereal Lover

I am a cereal lover. 

Not to be confused with serial lover...
Tiger Woods.

Isn't it amazing how much cereal costs? 
Oats and rice can't possibly cost that much to warrant the high price...
it's the packaging and advertising that jacks up the price of  Apple Jacks. 
And a cereal box, half full of cheap air...gets me jacked up.

I suppose I could save by choosing a generic brand. 
Heck, even Tiger Woods chose generic and was very willing to sample pedestrian.

Anyway, I've been known to eat cereal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. 
I've tried to convince PaulA that a bowl of Cheerios is a great dinner idea...but he just isn't buying it. 
For some reason, he likes meat for dinner. 
Note to self:  invent a meat cereal for carnivores like PaulA.


My favorite cereal is Cocoa Puffs...the epitome of sugar cereal. 
Call me "Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs."

You might think that no one over age 11 is eating this sugary stuff...
but it's hard to resist the chocolate puffs...
especially when you get the bonus...chocolate milk, at the bottom of your cereal bowl.

I don't ALWAYS eat junk cereals. 
I do eat healthy cereals...if I add sugar. 
Some would say adding sugar defeats the purpose...
but I would say it gives purpose...and taste. 

I'm not the only cereal lover with a strong desire for sugar. 
The other serial lover, Tiger Woods, likes his sugar too.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Ahoy, Me Hearties

Just in case you weren’t aware…
September 19th is “Talk Like a Pirate Day”…
so today is seasoned for a salty blog.
Arrgh, even Twitter and Facebook be rampant with Cap’n Blackbeard talk.
Shiver me timbers.

This here foul Kat comes from a long lineage of plunderers and pillagers.

Meet me family...

a courageous band of seadogs and wenches.

Anyho ho ho ho ho ho ho

Talking like a Pirate is not hard.
Just takes some improper English.
And ye be a natural pirate talker…
if yer voice be hoarse from many a’ tankard of grog, and lack of shut eye.

So buccaneers, it’s easy…
ye just need to say in a gruff and salty voice,
“Ahoy there, lubbers.”
"Weigh anchor and hoist the mizzen."
And instantly ye be talkin’ pirate.

Just be careful, ye sea rats….

…when ye be screaming to plunder for booty...
Remember this is 2011…
a saucy wench may have another booty in mind.

So….Don’t be scurvy scum. 
Join the fun
“Talk Like a Pirate."

yo ho ho...where's the bottle of rum?

Friday, September 16, 2011

Washed-up Soaps

Daytime soaps are a dying breed.
In an effort for a  Search for Tomorrow...their One Life to Live...
is coming to an end.
One-by-one, soap operas are getting the kiss-off...
 like the number of husbands Erica Kane has kissed-off over thirty years. 

As the World Turns...this was bound to happen.
The Young and the Restless aren't following soaps.
They want to follow real lives of real celebrities, real housewives.
Not the made-up lives of fictional people.

Apparently their Guiding Light is the almighty Reality show.
Big deal that a woman like Erica Kane has been married ten times...been shot at, spent time in jail....
Ho Hum...
especially when there are train wrecks in real life
trashing hotels, living with goddesses, and fist fighting.


My favorite soap has always been All My Children.
I still remember ditching work with a fellow co-worker to watch Luke and Laura get married.

We wouldn't have miss it for ANYTHING...
so we risked getting fired.
(Okay, it helped that her Dad owned the insurance agency we worked for,
and the show was televised during our lunch.)
I was never that stupid.

So like the sand through the hourglass, these are the Days of Our Lives.

We've come to the end of the Soap era.
Apparently Reality TV and Talk TV is where its at now...but that will change.
Eventually everything comes full circle.

Until that happens....

I'm thinking of brushing up on my Spanish.
I've seen some racy looking soaps on the Spanish channels that look interesting.

ay caramba!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Five Second Rule

Do you believe in the Five Second Rule?
You know the rule…
If you drop food on the floor and pick it up within five is still safe to eat.
It doesn’t contain bacteria or cooties.

Where you drop food, should enter into your decision…"to eat or not to eat?"
Fraternity party floor? Not a wise college decision.
Hospital floor? People go in there and sometimes never come out.
Bathroom floor? Wait, why are you eating in the bathroom?

You might not want to risk the floors at my own house either…
unless I told you where Duncandog has had his ‘accidents.’

You may also want to factor into the equation...what you drop.
A wrapped stick of gum is quite different than ABC gum, gummy bears, or anything wet and juicy.
 An open-faced peanut butter and jelly sandwich…dropped face down...
has an increased ability for glomming…and that would include hair and fuzzy stuff,
not to mention deadly bacteria.

But sometimes you are forced to risk it and push the limits of the rule.
You have fumble fingers after the fraternity party and
you've just dropped the last chocolate chunk cookie in the house...
or the last slice of bread for your late night sandwich.
You're all alone…no one is watching you, so you throw caution to the digestive tract.
Who hasn’t risked life and E. coli for a dropped brownie?


Rule or NO Rule…I get sketched out when it comes to eating off the floor.
I would hate for that to be the reason I left the world prematurely......
and have my tombstone read:

“Here lies dumb Kat, she ate off the floor.”

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

4th Blogiversary

Today marks the 4 year anniversary of Blog and Kat.
After 48 months, my dear blog and I are still together.
("You and me baby, we’re stuck like glue"…sing it Sugarland.)

I admit, there have been times when I thought about ending our relationship.
I could have strayed away and looked for something more meaningful…
or chose not to be tied down.
But when I thought of life without Blog…it seemed so empty.

Being in a relationship requires attention...
so it must be nurtured to remain healthy.
And with any relationship, you get back what you put into it.
Ours is a simpatico relationship.
With frequent postings, Blog has received my adoration, time, and attention.
And in return, Blog has kept me from the doldrums of laundry and house cleaning.
(I may have gotten the best end of the blog stick.)


I continue to explore our relationship, to see where it is going.
I think it's important to keep our relationship FUN and not so serious.
I want to keep things FRESH with new ideas…as there is nothing worse than stale blog.
So I look for different ways to put the "ZING" in Blog.
BlogZING...Ooh la la

On this 4th blogiversary, I still feel committed.
(And if 4 years from now, Blog and I are still together, you can commit me.)


I’m thinking Blog and I might even take the next step…and move-in together.
But there is NO way Blog brings the ideas... 
This Kat wears the pants in this relationship.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

September 11th Ten Year Anniversary

There are some anniversaries we look forward to celebrating and to toasting.
But the 10th anniversary of September 11th is not an anniversary
we look towards with great anticipation.

September 11th will forever and always be
 a day of solemnity, prayer, and reflection.

On this 10th anniversary of 9/11 
we commemorate, pay tribute, and remember.

We remember the blue sky...and the calm that preceded chaos.

We remember where we were and what we were doing.

We remember feeling disbelief, fear, anger, and confusion.

We remember the 2,977 innocent men and women who were tragically killed.

We remember the men and women who sacrificed their lives to save others.

We remember friends and loved ones left behind to cope with the pain and sadness.

We remember those who have died from 9/11 related illnesses.

We remember our military men and women who defend our freedom.

We remember our patriotism.

We remember our resilience.

We remember to never be defeated.

We remember to never forget.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

9 - 10 - 11


Friday, September 9, 2011

Lindsay Lohan's New Tattoo

Have you heard about Lindsay Lohan’s new tattoo...?

“Clear as a crystal sharp as a knife I feel like I’m in the prime of my life.”

Her tat is a phrase from Billy Joel’s song “I go to Extremes.”
Not only is it a takes up a lot of skin.
It’s almost too many characters for a tweet.
(True to character, Lindsay did Go to Extremes.)

There is no way Lindsay can read her tat..unless she stands in the mirror.
Then it would read “efil ym fo emirp eht ni m”I ekil leef I efink a sa prahs latsyrc.”
I think Lindsay should have given it more thought and found a word that spells the
same both backwards and forwards.
I think “KOOK” would have been perfect.


I have mentioned before that I don’t understand tattoos especially full out sentences...but I do understand “different ink strokes...for different folks.”

PaulA asked me if I was to get a tattoo what would I get...and where would I put it?

So I thought long and hard about his question.

Hmmmm.....Got it...
a stack of pancakes...tattooed on my buns.
(that’s where they go when I eat them, anyway.)

Although I would have room for a large stack of pancakes...
I'd order up the short stack.

Then again...
maybe there’s another phrase from a Billy Joel song that would be more apropo:

“You may be right, I may be crazy
but it just might be a lunatic you’re looking for”

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Dorm Room Stranger

“Hi, I’m a STRANGER and
I’m your college roommate.
I’ll be sleeping in that bed, right over there …2 feet from your head.
If you’re lucky I will be normal, but chances are, I’m “left or right...of normal.”
Either way, you’re stuck with me for the next two semesters.”

Remember that first night in your college dorm room?
You and your roommate all squeezed into a size 9 shoebox.
Your parents left town…and you were left...
in a strange room...
to sleep in a strange bed, next to a strange person.

Eventually daylight winds down,
 and night falls over the shoebox.
As much as you want to stay can’t stay up all night.
It’s time to turn in......

You’re both in your twin XL beds...
then you politely say out loud...into the darkness:
“Good night, roommate (while thinking..."Goodnight whoever-you-are.")
You close your eyes...but can’t fall keep hearing the STRANGER breathing.
In and Out…In and Out.
(OMG…do you have to breathe so much?)

It seems unnatural to be sleeping in a room
 with someone you had never laid eyes on until that day.
But colleges have been throwing kids together for eons.
If you get lucky,
you get the perfect roommate situation…
someone compatible with you...
someone with similar music, study habits, and sleeping patterns.
But, unfortunately, similar similarities are NOT the norm.
The odds of a perfect roommate match? One in a million.
So good luck with that. 


Morning will eventually come to the shoebox...
and you'll (mostl likely) wake to find that you survived your first night in your college dorm room.
Your STRANGER roommate was not the strangler, after all.

Then it hits epiphany, of sorts …
Wait, Could I, too?


Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Happy New School Year

School's back in session...
watch out for school buses, and...

in our case....

Crazy for me to think it wasn't that long ago
when going to school looked like this.....

nice shoes

and now going back to school
looks like this...

   nice wheels      

Happy New School Year!

Monday, September 5, 2011

Happy Labor Day

Happy Labor Day.
 An extra day off for good behavior. Woo hoo

I don’t want to labor you with extra I’ll keep this blog short.

I’m remembering a Labor Day with a pig.
I’m not calling anyone a porker… I'm talking about real bacon.

Back in the day...we lived in a wonderful neighborhood that got together every Labor Day. 
One year we decided to forgo the usual burgs and dogs...and roast a pig.
Believe me, it wasn’t my idea.
I wasn’t particularly excited about seeing a pig au naturale choking on an apple,
rotating over an open pit for 12 hours.
I’m pretty sure a few neighborhood kids needed psychological counseling after that day.


Our buddy, Lou, volunteered for pig duty for the Labor Day party.
He picked up the pig the night before (not in a bar, smart ass) and he put it in his bath tub.
Might sound cozy, but it’s not like he was taking a bath with it.
Theirs was truly a platonic relationship.

Lou, however, became unwillingly close and personal with his piggly wiggly friend when he slipped...
lifting the pig out of the tub...landing in an open bacon sandwich.

I don’t want to labor you with unneccessary details...
but a few more neighbor kids needed counseling,
after seeing Lou press the ham..

In the end...the pig roast, a true labor of love that Labor Day, was a success.
But I wouldn’t have anything to do with it.

When pigs the day you’ll see me eating Porky Pig.

Have a great Labor Day.
Go hog wild,
burger happy,
or hot diggity dog crazy..
and enjoy the last blast of summer!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Back-to-School Supplies

Some people love the smell of perfume...
or fresh cut grass...
or the inside of a new car.
I I have a passion for the smell of Staples...especially this time of year....


There’s nothing like the smell of a fresh supply of back-to-school supplies
(exception: a fistful of cash.)
I’m not entirely sure what ingredients give the store that scent.
Maybe it’s a combo of notebook paper mixed with No. 2 lead...
but I swear if they bottled it...
I would wear it.
(Eau de Staples)


As a kid, I looked forward to the start of school...
choosing new pencils, pens, markers, paper…
and organizing my notebooks with subject dividers.
So when our kids began attending school…
I happily skipped into the nearest Staples with their lists of school supplies.

I like to be organized…not in a clean closet, clean room manner…
but in the paper, file, index sort-of-way.

So I looked forward to helping my kid’s organize their piles of supplies for school.
 Big C and Wishy, however, preferred to do it themselves,
so I had to sit on my hands…
and longingly watch from at least a ruler’s distance.

But…Colinboy never minded my assistance.
Heck, Colin delegated the job to me like he was CEO and I was his secretary.
He would hand me a pile of notebooks, folders, and dividers and say:
 “Go ahead Kat, organize my notebooks, sharpen my pencils...
and get it all back to me by the end of the day.”

I think Colinboy pretty much invented the phrase:
 “That was easy.”

Ps. Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit...Happy September