Friday, March 26, 2010

Mascot Mania

“How are your brackets performing?” Hopefully you don’t think I'm being too personal. (Don’t get your basket in a jam…I’m talking about the NCAA Basketball Tournament.)

So are you good at picking and choosing winners and losers? Well, I know how to pick ‘em…I have a proven record. I picked PaulA…didn’t I? Some folks pick according to stats. And past records. And mathematical factors like percentages, odds, ratios. And odds to ratios. Woah…way too technical for me.

When I go to the horses…I want a sure bet. I might look like a horse’s ass, but I bet according to the horse’s name. It only makes good horse sense that the horse with the name, “Triple Crown” …is gonna bring home the roses. And the horse dubbed “At Last” is gonna trot home…dead last. And when I go to the dogs…well, that’s not a pretty picture.

When it comes to sporting events, I choose one team over another team according to their mascot. Like when the Ramblin’ Wreck play…the odds are NOT always in their favor. That also includes mascots named after foods…. “Artie the Fighting Artichoke” (Scottsdale Community College) and “The Fighting Okra,” (Delta State University). Or strange animals…“Sammy the Slug” (UC Santa Cruz) and “Gladys the Squirrel” (Mary Baldwin College.)


Sometimes it isn’t a slam dunk/drop kick decision. It can become difficult when the lines between mascots are fuzzy. (Like when the University of Texas played the University of Alabama in the national title football game last January.) Although a Texas Bevo, with its sharp horns, can spear a slow moving elephant…a persistent Tide can drown a Bevo. So I had to go with the Tide drowning the Bevo. Yep, picked that winner…Alabama over Texas in the 2010 BCS Bowl Championship.

As for the UCONN Huskies Men’s Basketball team not making the NCAA Tournament this year and losing in the second round of the NIT…well, after a few years a Husky can lose its bite and get dog tired…which helps to explain their lousy season.

Villanova’s loss to St. Mary’s in the NCAA Tournament also makes sense. How much hope did the Wildcats really have against the Gaels…a name of Irish descent? When you have the luck of the Irish on your side…the cats can be as wild as they want…not going to do them much good.

Georgetown is a total enigma. What the hell’s a Hoya anyway?

So in the NCAA Tournament, if you thought Kansas was gonna beat Northern Iowa (a fictional cartoon bird up against a sleek Panther?) You should have known better…(Big C).

As for my brackets? (I do way better with parentheses.)

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