Monday, December 15, 2008

The Company Holiday Party

They say (not sure who “they” is)...but they say that with the slowed economy, companies have planned fewer holiday parties or have scaled down their festivities. They’ve moved them to less expensive places (like the Legionnaires’ Hall instead of the Legion Hall) or they don’t include spouses (yea baby…no ball and chain))…or worse yet…CASH BAR (Oh no!)

Frankly or Shirley (your choice) I wouldn’t think anyone would mind missing their company party a year or two. First, you have to decide what to wear…chic or chicly shabby…and then most importantly, you have to promise yourself and your spouse that you’ll be on your best behavior.

Maybe some of you like the company party and are gonna miss it. After all, FREE FOOD AND FREE BOOZE. But it was always clear to me…the company holiday party was just an opportunity to get yourself in trouble…and fired the next day anyway.

So you’re at the party….and you drink too much. Now you’re making eyes at a pretty woman…you find out she’s your boss's wife…whoops. You drink too much… you stumble and step on your boss’s wife’s foot and she is limping…whoops. You drink too much…then start making lewd jokes and comments about T’s and A’s (and we’re not talking the alphabet)…to the boss’s wife…whoops. The music is so intoxicating (yea…the music)…you start grinding on the dance floor…with the boss’s wife…quadruple whoops.

Now you're in BIG trouble. So where do you go from here? OUTTA HERE BUB…you’re off the payroll.

Do you see how the lowest economy in the past 30 years…has just saved your job? It’s actually a good thing that your company’s holiday party was cancelled. You might actually be gainfully employed for another year…before you put your boss’s wife’s limp foot in your filthy mouth…after a grinding session.

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