Tuesday, April 20, 2010

HDTV-Horrifying Details To View

Back in the day…when it came to picture time…I had my kids trained like monkeys. On command… they mugged for the camera. They never gave me a lick of trouble about getting their picture taken. They knew it would soon be over…and crazy Katwoman would leave them to their bananas…if they just stopped swinging from the chandeliers for a minute.

But for me…I’m not as compliant. I’m more like: “Do you have to take my picture? Okay, could you just back up…yea…another foot…one more…yep. Back up a few more inches. Oh, you can barely see me? You won’t know it’s me? Now it’s perfect….Go ahead and take my picture.”

I prefer a little distance with my photographing. Distance makes the face grow fonder. Who needs to have the camera in your face…filming all your imperfections.

If I was a newscaster, like Katie Couric, sitting in the studio under the lights…I’d ask for a reassignment…even a demotion. The cameras are way to close…especially these days with Hi Def TV.

I would want to work for the Weather Channel…on location. I’d ask to cover all the storms…rain, thunder, hail, snow, cane. That way I’d be in full gear and not the focal point of the picture. People are more interested in seeing snow banks anyway, than your face…or seeing you hang onto to a telephone pole for dear life, while hurricane winds whip you and your hair sideways.

With Hi Def…there is nothing left to the imagination. The pictures are so clear. What you see when you look in your mirror is what 20 million people see on TV…puffy eyes, crusty eyes, zits, circles, spheres…you name it.

“Mirror, Mirror on the wall…who’s got the bushiest eyebrows of all?” That would be you, Andy Rooney. With Hi Def TV, or as I like to call it “Horrifying Details To View”…Andy’s eyebrows take on a life form all their own.

And you can’t hide under the new barely-there make-up they use these days for Hi-Def TV. With the switich to horror defining technology…new types of make-up and different make-up artists were needed. The studios had to fire the previous make-up artists who were applying the thick cakey material with a spatula.

Trust me…if your face was made up with the prior heavy and thick material…it would look like the Cake Boss did your make-up. And you would definitely be better licking than better looking.


big C said...

HAHA!! I am like this now... distances always makes things better...Dad is all about close up. I get my love of picture taking from YOU!! :)

Jayne said...

I think I remember that picture from Thanksgiving at our house one year. They were (are) the cutest kids!