Wednesday, September 17, 2008

But No!

When you reach a certain age…they tell you, you gotta go. You don’t want to go. “PLEASE don’t make me go. I’ll do anything but THAT!” After putting up a stink for a few months you realize…you must succumb to the shittiest procedure ever invented. There are no butts about it. Folks… It’s time for a colonoscopy.

Before I go further, I have to say one thing. The word colonoscopy is pronounced Colon–oscopy. Not….Colin-oscopy. For some reason whenever PaulA says the word, he pronounces it Colinoscopy. I have to remind him that we didn’t name our son after an internal organ…especially one so dirty. And then Sistersledge made the same mistake!!! I would return the favor…but Natascopy makes absolutely no sense and she’s way too cute.

Before I go further again…into the dark bowels of this story…they say the prep is the worse part. And in the end…the prep is the worse part. The prepping really poops you out. You are required to drink a disgusting liquid, they try to disguise as lemon-lime, and then you spend the rest of the night running to the bathroom….I just wanted to sleep.

And eventually you do…the best sleep you ever had. Only problem is they don’t sell this stuff at Walgreens in Aisle 5. The anesthesiologist puts an IV in your arm and delivers a swift knock-out punch. The only way you can get this quality of sleep again….is to sign up for another Colonoscopy. (See how easy it is to get the word correct, PaulA?!)

I’ll end here…and I’ll spare you the gory asspects and the behind the scenes details. I just thought you might want to be informed, by getting the poop on the Colonoscopy procedure. But I admit, when you get to the bottom line…this crap just isn’t funny.

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