Thursday, April 5, 2012

'Suitable' Scientific Findings

I’m not usually in the business of scientific studies...
especially when I’m on vacation,
Being the cloistered/closeted scientist that I am...

I submit to you,
my expert scientific findings......

Title:  Swim Trunk Analysis
Hypothesis:  There is an inverted correlation between the size of a man’s swim trunks...
and the distance travelled to vacation in Orlando, FL. 

Materials/Methods:  Wet ‘n Wild wave pool, Orlando, FL ,
75 degrees and sunny,
5 men from various countries (indicated by accents and/or language spoken)


                                       Table A
Language spoken                                     swim trunks observed

British English                                           trunks

German                                                     briefs

Spanish                                                     Speedo

French                                                       banana hammock

Southerner (Hey   ya’all)                             long board shorts

4 out of 5 men not originating from areas close to Orlando, FL (Tampa, Tallahassee, or Tallahatchie)...
showed small swim suits...
(tiny trunks, barely briefs, skimpy Speedos, or the proverbial banana hammock.) 
The Southern man (Hey ya’all),,,showed long board shorts.
Conclusion:  The smaller swim trunks are in size and material...the more distance the man has traveled to vacation in Orlando.  
American men prefer loose swim trunks over the tight and conspicously revealing ity bity banana hammock.
Proposed Reasoning for long and loose fitting swim trunks: 
Most Americans have seen the “Seinfeld” episode where George Costanza's "shrinkage"
is strikingly evident after getting out of cold water.

Margin of Error in scientific findings:  +/- 99%.
'Standard Deviation Deviant' = katOUT