Friday, December 18, 2009

Before Cookies

During the holidays there is just so much food to be had…to be eaten…to be applied to the thigh and butt area. I now understand where Santa gets his girth.

Think about St. Nick…he’s constantly around food. There’s at least 1,000 calories waiting for him at the bottom of every chimney. Millions of kids have left him cookies and milk and he’s expected to consume it all.

For Santa…It’s Ground Hog’s Christmas Day all over again. Another Christmas…another trip around the world. When he gets to the Schneider’s of Schenectady, he’ll find the usual Snickerdoodles….to the Patterson’s of Peoria…it’s Peanut Butter Blossoms and to the George’s in Georgetown…it’s Gingerbread Men. The Brady’s of Bradford are always good for a snort of Brandy. Hopefully Santa doesn’t indulge too much at the Brady’s…it can lead to hazardous sleigh driving.

Rumor has it that back in Santa’s younger years, he was svelte and ripped. He was known in the North Pole as Santa the Playboy…but that was before Mrs. Claus bagged him. After too many years and too many cookies…everything slid to his equator. Granted, in the North Pole it’s hard to get outside and exercise. There also isn’t much time for workouts, when you’re stuck in the workshop building toys for sweet and sour children. That’s his excuse. I’m working on mine.

I wonder if Santa has ever thought about switching holidays…maybe with the Easter Bunny. The bunny hop is actually very good exercise…much better than the slacker move of putting his finger to the side of nose trick and magically sliding down the chimney.

I found this picture of Santa back in his younger years…back when he had a six-pack…and not the six he was dropping off for PaulA. Back then he had dark hair, no beard, and liked to walk around without a shirt. Young Santa sure had it…and liked to flaunt it.

The years and the cookies have caught up with him. But that’s what makes him jolly Old St. Nick. Before cookies....we all used to look like Svelte Santa.

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