Thursday, March 10, 2011

Name Objection


Do you get attached to “objects?” Inanimate objects? Not intimate objects…but ones that are just as personal.

Sometimes it’s hard NOT to get attached to things. A cell phone, fan, curling iron…become part of our daily lives and our routine….so much so, that some objects are given names.

Many people name their cars. I don’t, but I kiss them goodbye when the lease is up. Our friend, BillyA, once owned a car he called “Vincent”. Not sure where he came up with that? Maybe Vincent Price? Poor Vincent was smashed on both ends…front and back..not worth much. Vincent Low Price.

Recently I bought a GPS so that when we’re travelling, we know our location…even on foot. I don’t like the idea of using my cell phone as a GPS and wearing down the battery. A cell phone with a low battery…is dead to me.

I instantly fell in love with my new GPS…so much so…that I thought it was deserving of a name. My parents have one they call “Elvira.” I love that name, but I figured I should come up with my own. But what?

Because the GPS comes with a woman’s voice, I decided to listen to it first before naming her and see what name came to mind. Kinda like new parents who wait until birth to get a look at their child for any distinguishing features. I once knew a family with a child named “Boy”…I guess we know what they saw. There probably is a kid walking around called, “Conehead.”

When I first plugged in and loaded (hold the vodka) my GPS, she started firing off directions…over and over. Woah….slow down woman. She just kept on with her badgering voice. A name instantly came to mind, “Naggy Bitch.” I decided to go with “Bitch”…for short.

Anwhoooooooooooo…………..……

On our last trip in a rental car…PaulA, who would no sooner ask someone for directions than if lost for all eternity…asked if I had my GPS. When I realized my girl wasn’t with me. I said, “You looking for the Bitch? Oh, I locked the Bitch in the trunk.”

He looked at me and said, “You like saying that, don’t you?”

Well. Maybe. But I don’t appreciate anyone else calling my girl, “Bitch.” She’s MY Bitch…forever and always.

1 comment:

Breezy said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Too funny. Loved it!!!