Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Snakes Alive!

YIKES. Snakes Alive!
Run for the hills. Or the Door.

An Egyptian cobra was discovered missing from the World of Reptiles Exhibit at the Bronx Zoo last Friday. The building will remain closed until the snake can be found. Good Plan, Captain Obvious.

When the snake feels hungry and secure enough to look for food, it will move around. So the Zooey-ologists are trying to entice it with a vermin's favorite food. A Double Cheeseburger with Bacon? No, Silly...a MOUSE. Snakes are smarter than that. They know a mouse contains fewer calories and fat.

Finding the 20 inch snake will not been easy. It's not easy to catch a snake in a building...let alone a snake in the grass. It stays low and slithers around on its underbelly...but every now and then, it rears its head...and gets hit with a golf club. Ala the Tiger Woods snake in the grass. Hey, there is more than one way to catch a snake.


There was another snake in the news a couple of weeks ago. During a photo shoot in the UK, an Israeli model was bit in her breast. Luckily a man was brave enough to pull the snake off her. The model was okay...but the snake died...of silicone poisoning from her enhanced breasts. Yowser. What a way to go.

I saw a picture of the model...and I just know...the Tiger Woods snake in the grass probably would have grabbed onto that very same spot. And you can be sure, he wouldn't have let go...until Elin pulled him off. All snakes are alike.

Most people are deathly afraid of snakes...which is a real phobia called Ophidiophobia. They get anxiety from even a picture of a snake...let alone draping one on your body and canoodling with it. WTH?

Should you have Ophidiophobia...I propose 3 great ways to protect yourself from snakes.

1. Stay away from the Bronx Zoo.
2. Don't date Tiger Woods.
3. Get LARGE silicone implants.

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