Happy New Year's EVE

Do you know the meaning of Auld Lang Syne?

I do....because I googled it.  

(Love the Googler.)

Auld Lang Syne has to do with old times...

past times that are remembered with affection or nostalgia.

It was first played by Guy Lombardo as a New Year's Eve song

at the Hotel Roosevelt in New York City.

The song still kicks off the Times Square celebration every New Year's Eve.

(Love it when I sound smart.)

Anywhoooo...

Can you think of a sadder song to ring in the new Year than

"Auld Lang Syne?"

I don't know about you...but when I hear it...I wanna cry.  

It puts me in a somber sober mood.  

Don't cha think...there has to be a better song to ring in the New Year?

A song to put you in a happy mood...

not a mood of doom and gloom lowered by the boom.

Maybe a Toby Keith song should be considered...

"Red Solo Cup"?

With Lyrics like...

Red Solo Cup, I fill you up.

Let's have a paarrrty. Let's have a party.

How could you not want to ring in the New Year with a lamp shade on your head.

Happy New Year's Eve....Everyone.

Be careful out there...this is a night when amateurs decide to party like it's 2012.

And remember.....

Don't TEXT and DRIVE.

and

Don't DOWN your Red Solo Cup and DRIVE.

The Mini on New Year's Eve Resolutions

How is a New Year's resolution like a mini skirt?

Both are short in length.

Both are "in" one year and "out" the next.

Isn't it interesting how almost everything is comparable to the mini skirt?

How is my blog like a mini skirt?

Both have a style not to everyone's taste.

Both are worn above the knees and close to the buttocks.

Anywhoooo......

What's your New Year’s resolution?

The New Year is an opportunity to clear the slate and start over.

So we resolve to....

1. Lose weight

2. Get in shape

3. Plan a Budget

4. Get organized

5. Stop drinking

6. Stop smoking

7. Stop blogging

8. Volunteer

9. Learn Chinese

I'll take Number 9.

(1-8 don't look like fun.)

I hear there are millions of potential blog readers in China.

Maybe a few of them would have

a taste for the mini skirt...and this Blog.

Got New Year's Eve Plans?

What are your plans for New Year’s Eve?

Unless you’ve planned something in advance…

like a trip to Times Square or a private party...

you're probably in the same boat as everyone else…

the “USS Nothing Much."

Right about now...everyone is looking at their options.

Many buy into the hype, build-up, and expectation of New Year's Eve.

When they ring in the New Year,

they want to be aboard the

"USS Wild & Crazy."

They can’t stay home and sit on the couch,

drink beer through a funnel,

eat wiener schnitzel,

and poop out by 10:30 pm.

That’s so last Thursday.

They have to don cool clothing,

converse with cool people,

clink cool glasses

and stay up until the cool hours of the night.

 

At midnight 

they have to count backwards (sobriety test)

as the ball drops…

5-4-3-2-2-1....

kiss everyone within lip's distance,

and then deal with a monster cold

three days later.

Over the years, we’ve had some successful New Year’s parties at our home.

How do I know this?

When one of your guests rides your two foot reindeer decoration …

you definitely KNOW...

you’ve had a good party.

Anywhooooooo...............

 

I've always found that the hours before midnight move very slowly.

But once the clock tower strikes midnite...it’s suddenly 3 am.

and someone is mounting Rudolph.

Ya hoo.

Currently, PaulA and I are working on our plans for New Year’s Eve

so we aren't riding the

"USS Nothing Much."

But....Wherever we go, or whatever we do...

IF a reindeer gets ridden...

then we know, for sure, we are aboard the

"USS Wild & Crazy."

woo hooo

good luck with your NYE plans.

Most Annoying Words of 2011

Survey Says...

The Marist Poll recently revealed its list of

                 The 5 Most Annoying Words of 2011

(from Number 5)

drum roll, please

5. Seriously

4. Just Saying

3. You know

2. Like

And the Number One Annoying Word of 2011....

1. Whatever

I'm just saying, I don't think "Whatever" is that annoying

and shouldn't be singled out as

THE Most Annoying Word of 2011.

Seriously, like, you know...there are times when Whatever comes in handy.

Whatev. er. 

I would never hesitate to use it.

I admit I was happy I didn't see "Anywhoo" listed. 

Seriously, like, what would I do if "Anywhoo" was on the list of annoying words?

I'm just saying, would that, like, also make me annoying, by default?

Like, Marist University isn't lame enough, by,

you know,

publishing a list every year of annoying words,

I'm just saying.

Anywhooooo...

I guess there would be an upside of seeing

"Anywhoo" on the List of Annoying Words...

this blog would have made someone's top 5 List.

I'm just saying...

I think the word "seriously" is THE most annoying word.

Seriously, like, being serious is sooo annoying.

WhatEVER.

Merry Christmas

I hope you are having the

Merriest of Christmases. 

It feels so nice to leave the hustle and bustle of the season behind

and

focus

on

family

fun...

and

food.

Anywhoooo....

Do ya know what is almost as fun as celebrating the Yule Tide?

Celebrating the Crimson Tide.

Let's Go

BAMA

BCS Championship Game - Monday, January 9th

Alabama Crimson Tide vs LSU Tigers

Roll Tide

ya'all

We Believe

It’s Christmas Eve…

the one night kids don’t mind going to bed.

Off to bed…in their feety pjs…

with visions of sugar plums and Santa’s sleigh

stuffed with their favorite

whatnots and thingamajigs.

Question:

So who first tried to tell you that Santa Claus and his 8 tiny reindeer

were a figment of your parent’s imagination?

Probably some punk at school...someone who enjoyed every moment.

That kid probably had his own Santa fantasy prematurely ripped away.

Merry Jingle Balls Christmas.

Over the years…we never discussed the

existence,

non-existence,

or the existentialism

of Santa

with our kids…

and they never questioned us…

maybe because Jingle Balls Brian wasn’t in their class

to spill the Santa bag….

or maybe because our kids didn’t want to mess up a good gig.

Our three probably put their heads together and conferenced,

“What do ya think? Katwoman and PaulA as Santa???

Nah, they couldn’t possibly be Santa.

Although…Kat is filling out those red velvet pants.

As long as the payday keeps coming…why open our mouths and question a good gig."

Anywhoooo……….

In our house…

WE BELIEVE

in the true meaning of Christmas…

and also in the spirit of giving and sharing...

whatnots and thingamajigs....

St. Nick Style.

Sleep in heavenly peace….

this Silent Night.

Wait, It's Almost Christmas

Countdown

T minus 2

2 days until Christmas

It's Crunch time.

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and

Poor Santa is running out of time.

People are in a hurry, scurry, flurry....to get something.

Anything.

Getting errands accomplished means having to deal with long lines....

lines everywhere...

malls, haircutters, DD, the Post office.

There were still lines yesterday at the Post Office.

(Okay, I was last minute Kat in a long line with all the other Tom, Dicks, and Marys.)

The wait was long,

but a short line wouldn't be a wait? huh?

Anywhoooo.........

This time of year is a huge

HURRY UP and WAIT scene....

There are the lines at the registers....where you wait.

Then you switch lines...and wait even longer.

You wait for the waitress, then she waits on you.

wait, wait, wait,

Our Motto should be

outwit, outlast, and outwait.

Heck, even after Christmas you wait....

you wait to see if they like your gift....

wait to see if they use it, wear it, or ditch it.

Then you wait in line to return your gift.

I loved the attitude of the little girl I saw at the Post Office waiting in line with her mother.

She pulled up the floor,

sat her butt down,

and opened a bag of cheerios.

She perfected the sit and wait a spell attitude.

2 more days until Christmas.

Can't Wait.

My Favorite Thing

Doorbells,

and sleighbells,

and schnitzel with noodles
and oodles of Holiday Cards...
these are a few of my favorite things.

(definitely NOT the schnitzel with noodles.)

During the holiday season, I soooo look forward to holiday cards…

Merry Christmas,

Happy Hanukkah,

Kwazy Kawanza

I wait for the mailman to come around the corner in his mail truck with  his delivery...

“Close your door dude, you’re gonna fall out."

Think about it,
at what other time of the year do you actually receive personal snail mail?

(The letter from your probation officer doesn't count.)

I'm talking about letters hand delivered by a letter carrier...

Old School style…

NOT the electronic inbox: “You’ve got mail.”

Sending holiday cards is a monumental task

so I appreciate the time someone puts in attempting to mount it...

(you know what I mean)

I know, from personal experience, the degree of difficulty involved with getting cards in the mail .

It is particularly tricky if you want to include a family photo,

especially one with the family dog…and have him looking straight into the camera...

not with his head down...licking his privates.

(my dog's favorite thing.)

Then there is the tedious process of

addressing,

stamping,

and licking

the envelopes.

Yuck!

Now that might be good job for the family dog...

at least put his tongue to better use.

“Oh Duncandog…Come here puppy...I have a project for you.”

Anywhooooooo………

There are many helpful short cuts to sending holiday greetings...

especially if you are computer savvy.

With your computer you can download, upload, or, my favorite..

off road.

Sending eCards...gets a better grade than those fCards.

The newsletter is a great shortcut for writing updates on the family

and it helps alleviate writer’s crap cramp.

I used to enjoy reading newsletters…

until I realized how painfully average we are as a family.

Okay....how painfully average I am as a human.

Although I have an affinity for Old School Snail Mail holiday cards,

there is an upside to receiving email greetings.

Yep, with online greetings you don’t have to wonder

“who” or “what”

had their tongue on the envelope.

ps.  our snail mail holiday card is on its way...

inching its way along to your house. 

Santa Off The Wagon

I don't know if you've heard,

but it's official...

Santa has fallen off the wagon.

Maybe some of you aren't surprised by this and were already a little suspect

due to his rosy cheeks, loud laugh, and loud clothing...

but it happened.

Santa fell off the wagon 2 weeks ago.

I was decorating our Christmas tree and deep into the holiday eggnog mood. 

As I lifted our "santa wagon" ornament to place it on the tree...

Santa tumbled out of his red Radio Flyer

and he fell to the floor.


 

And then it occurred to me...

it came upon a midnight clear

(bare with me...this is how my mind works.)

i yelled to PaulA....

"OMG...PaulA....OMG OMG...

you're not going to believe it.

Santa fell off the wagon.

Do you hear me???

Don't you know how important this is???

SANTA IS OFF THE WAGON.

Will there still be a Christmas?"

Anywhooo..............

Santa Claus has a lot on his plate right now (besides cookies)

and a lot of people are depending on him to get around the world this Christmas eve.

Many good boys and girls will be terribly disappointed

if he doesn't get back on that wagon real soon.

DON'T WORRY BOYS AND GIRLS....

THIS KAT WILL SAVE CHRISTMAS.

Santa may have fallen off the wagon, but I promise to get him back on.

I will do whatever it takes....

even if I have to gorilla glue his ass to the wagon.

Re-Gifting Do's and Don'ts

What do you think of re-gifting?

Thumbs up? Thumbs Down?

Maybe it depends on what end of the re-gifting horse you are on.

Admittedly, one end might be more pleasant than the other.

I have been on both ends of the re-gifting horse.

The RE-GIFTER (the head)

AND the RECIPIENT (the tail)

So how did I know I was on the tail end?

 EASY…

I received the EXACT same gift I gave …

granted, it was wrapped in a horse of a different color paper,

but it was the same HORSE.

I like to call the “gift that keeps on giving”…the “boomerang gift.”

Years ago, I mailed a kid’s birthday gift…

and low and behold…

woosh…bang….

it came back to me months later.

So I’m guessing, they didn't like it?

Already had one?

Or…liked it so much they wanted me to have it?

I do think re-gifting is fine as long as you follow the basic rules:

Do NOT re-gift anything monogrammed…especially if the monogram belongs to YOU.

Do NOT re-gift something you have opened, tasted, or licked.

Do NOT re-gift something out-dated, worn, dirty, or dusty.

Do NOT re-gift partially used gift cards…($37.05) bad idea.

Do NOT re-gift animals, especially horses.

Anywhoooooooo………

Is it better to GIVE or RECEIVE when it comes to re-gifting?

You be da judge.

Sometimes the gift is better suited for someone else…say...

a cookbook for someone who cooks.

A book for someone who reads.

A saddle for someone who actually owns a horse.

So when re-gifting… Just do it…

correctly.

Just make sure you don't give…

the boomerang gift.
Even though someone else may be on the tail end...
it will be YOU
who looks like the horse's ass.

 

Get Lit

Don't cha love holiday decorations?

The lights, garland, blow-up santas?

Some people love to get into the holiday spirit...and decorate it up...

 If you it ain't lit up...then it ain't Christmas.

Then there are those forced into decorating

because the festive someone, who is really into the holiday spirits spirit,

lives in your neighborhood...

and is putting everyone to shame.

So if ya don't want to be out-done, out-matched, or sent to the outhouse...

then you're forced to untangle last year's ball of lights, drink in the holiday spirits spirit

and get lit.

Anywhooo....

There are those who take holiday decorations to another level.

Apparently they can't stop the emerging surging urge to decorate...everything.

Those folks will even decorate things that move.

They'll put their pet dog in holiday attire

AND their pet cars.

I've seen many cars cruising around town decorated with

green wreaths tied to the front bumper...

red bows on side view mirrors...

and gold roping on roof racks.

But the ultimate holiday car decoration is the reindeer.

Today a reindeer,
with some pretty impressive antlers,
sped pass me.

Where are the cops to round up the reindeer, when ya need them?

I gotta say...

a car with antlers

sure gives meaning to the holiday song...

"Grandma got run over by a reindeer."

Words With Alec Baldwin

Playing "Words with Friends" can be addictive.

Just ask Alec Baldwin.

Playing "Words with Friends" can also get you thrown off a plane.

Just ask Alec Baldwin.

I used to play "Words" with my friend, Linnyj.

That girl is a mean competitor.

By mean, i mean fierce...

cuz she sure ain't mean mean...

ya know what I mean?

Last time we were out to dinner,

we had a race to the bathroom...in heels.

Okay, Linnyj won.

But I declared the race a draw.

She didn't say we were racing to the ladies' room.

Let the record stand, I beat her to the men's room.

I had to give the game up...I could see that it's a game that sucks you in.

Who has time for wording, when there's blogging to do?

Besides, if you don't get right back to people with a word....

they're like...."Where's my next word?

Come on Kat, Word, Word me. Word.

They become junkies....

strung out on word.

It's probably a good thing that I quit.

Otherwise, I could have ended up like Alec Baldwin....

another rich, entitled chap, flying FIRST-class,

thinking rules are for Other people.

(Hmmm...part of that sounds good.)

Anywhoooo.......

"Words with Friends" is not a game that should be played by everyone.

Especially if you have anger management/

addiction/

separation from electronic devices issues.

Just ask, Alec Baldwin.

Alec's reaction after being told by the American Airlines attendant to turn off his iPad

proved that he shouldn't be playing.

"Berserk" will get ya

63 points

when played on the Words With Friends "DW" tile

(bonus for using all your letters)

but it will also get ya

a boot in the pants

when played  out in the restroom of an American Airlines flight.

Just ask, Alec Baldwin.

ps. 

I'm pretty sure Alec Baldwin's Words

on Saturday Night Live last weekend earned him

ZERO points
with American Airlines.

Picture Sitting With Santa

'Tis the Season

to sit on Santa's lap

well...maybe

This past weekend I had the pleasure torture

of waiting for a picture to print from a scanner at Walmart.

But lucky for me...

seated nearby was the entertainment...

Santa, himself.

Or a wanna-be Santa.

He definitely wasn't your glitzy, glammed up MALL SANTA...

seated in a big chair in a festively designed North Pole

holding Center Court

with adorable Santa elfs.

This Santa wore a tired old suit...

and was seated on a rickety park bench

with a flimsy cardboard holiday scene set up behind him.

His helper elf  was a frenzied woman in a Walmart vest

from the camera dept.

He definitely was

LOW BUDGET SANTA.

Well, at least I thought so...

and, apparently, so did the kids.

As children strolled by the area with their parents...

Santa would heckle them...

"Hey Kids, come over here...

Come see Santa.

Hey. Hey.

HEY. KID."

He stopped short of twirling his mustache...

and entincing them with,

" Come here little kid. Ya want some candy."

 

The kids would look at their parents with the expression,

 "You gotta be kidding me? You really want me to sit with this guy."

Admittedly, this was fun for me to watch as I waited.

I have a sick sophisticated sense of humor.

Anywhoooo.....

It was a struggle for LOW-BUDGET SANTA to get any business.

Parents seemed perturbed that their kid wouldn't run over and jump on his lap for a picture.

And why would that be?

"Mingling with strangers" is a Big NO-NO in a Kids's Manual to Growing Up...

especially strangers offering candy...

even if it comes in cane form.

They've learned their lesson well. 

All this guy needed was the playful puppy with him

and he would have been the

triple threat of strangers.

I say to these parents...

"Give your kid a pat on the back. Your child should go directly to the Head of the Class."

You never know who or what could be hiding behind that big white beard.

So don't be surprised when little junior and juniorette

freak out having to sit on Santa's lap.

At least you will get a pic to remember..............

And if you want half a chance of getting a picture of your kid with Santa...

for St. Nick's Sake...

at least bring them to the professional Santa

at the mall.

ho ho ho

Electric Gift Idea

It’s getting hot in here,

So take off all your.......

Boy, was it hot in our bedroom last night.

Calm down...Don’t worry...

this blog isn’t going where you might think.

After all, this is NOT an XXX blog site

(triple exceptional blog).

My blog is PG

(pretty good)...at best.

This is about electric heat.

The electric blanket we bought a couple of years ago was not working

(actually it worked perfectly on my side, but I felt sorry leaving PaulA out in the cold)

so I purchased a new one.

I surprised PaulA with the purchase...an early Christmas present.

I snuck upstairs and cranked that sucker up to Level 8 to toast his side of the bed.

(I chose a milder Level 5 for my side.)

PaulA didn’t even have to get in the bed to know his bed was packing heat....

he could feel the heat just standing next to me it.

This new blanket was definintely working.

After I slept a couple of hours on Level 5...this Kat was cooked.

And I’m pretty sure I was cooked evenly...

as I tend to roll around a lot when I sleep.

I had to dial it down two notches...to Level 3...otherwise,

I would have been stuck to the pan blanket when I woke...

and hard to scrape off

without extra elbow grease.

Anywhooo.........

If you are looking for ideas for Christmas presents...

an electric blanket makes a warm gift idea.

But it should come with a Caution Label...

Caution:

Sleeper may become
OVERCOOKED

pig-in-a-blanket.

     

And the Winner Is

Whenever I buy a lottery ticket...

I feel sorry for the poor souls standing behind me in line,

waiting to throw their money away on lotto tickets...

when I’ve already got the winning ticket in my back pocket.

Woo hooo...Suckas

I’m not sure why, but for some reason...

I instantly think I’m an instant WINNER.

 Is it just me?

By the time I get back into my car...I have already spent my winnings...

a car

(for every day of the week)....

a personal jet
(for every trip of the week)

a personal chef.

(for every meal of the week.)

Anywhooo........

The 254 million dollar jackpot winner

of the Connecticut Powerball Lottery finally came forward.

And the winner is...

Three men (and a baby?)  from an Asset Management Company in Greenwich, CT.

How convenient...the money managers now have major money to manage.

Heck, even their a$$et$ have a$$et$.

I found it interesting to watch the 3 men as they collected their GIANT check.

Oddly enough, they had NO reaction.

Huh?

They were given a lump sum check for 108 million dollars (after tax). 

And Zero reaction.

I’ve seen people get more excited about a gift certificate to Applebees.

Where was the wildily jumping up and down, crying, laughing, freak-out session?

(Oh, that’s my fantasy.)

There is a rumor that the men are a front for an anonymous winner.

No surprise there.

What 3 grown men...buy ONE ticket together?

Who has a third of a cent?

So people are pissed.

Pissed Off.

They think the quarter of a billion dollar winner was already rich...

and now richer....“the rich get richer.”

I’m not sure why it matters.

Who Cares.

You lost.

Get over it.

Maybe the winner is staying out of the spotlight,

(not because of their wealth),
but maybe to keep

distant relatives,

distant friends,

and distant ex-spouses

from suddenly popping into the picture.

I know I would have a hard time staying anonymous.

My shiny seven cars,

shiny personal jet,

and shiny well-fed ass...

would be hard to hide.

You would instantly know this Kat was a WINNER.

Woo hooo Suckas

Behaving Badly

"They" say negative attention is better than no attention at all.

 That may be why Lindsay Lohan is always in the news for doing something stupid.

If she didn’t keep coming up with new antics that land her ass in jail...

she wouldn’t be newsworthy.

Young kids will occasionally subscribe to the “attention-at-all-costs" philosophy.

“Look at me. I’m about to hit my baby sister in the head.”

 “Hey, Ma... I just cut my own bangs. Now I have horns.”

But when ADULTS resort to negative attention to get noticed...

well, that’s just plain juvenile.

That scenario played out after Storm Alfred took down trees and power lines

and left us without power for over a week.

A few sad sacks in our town wanted the Power Company’s attention sooo badly

 they were willing to act badly.

Anywhooooooooooo........

Case in Point...

Adults
Behaving Badly......

A 63 year-old woman called the Power Company

and said she had a gun pointed to her head and was going to shoot herself.

A 33 year-old man threatened the Power Company

that he was going to shoot or harm any workers he saw in his area.

And their childish antics worked.

Yesireee....These juvenile adults got the Power Company’s attention and POWER...

lights,

heat,

warm food,

and a warm shower...

right after getting arrested.



Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit

Another First …

Another Month….

Another First of the Month..

Which brings my good luck charm…

in holiday form.

Rabbit

Rabbit

Rabbit

The exact origin of this superstition is unknown,

although it has appeared in print as early as 1922.

Wiki...Quote...

The man in the brown hat laughed,

“I thought everybody knew ’Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit.’

If you say ‘Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit’

—three times, just like that—

first thing in the morning on the first of the month, even before you say your prayers,

you’ll get a present before the end of the month.”

And Kat in the brown hat laughed,
"if you’re extra good….

Santa Rabbit will bring you more than one present ."

  

The Super Bird, Turkducken

Apparently this Thanksgiving…

I could have had a turkducken.

Instead of a turkey…gobble gooble gooble…

I could have feasted on a turkducken....gobble, quack, cluck.

three birds in one...

Tom Turkey, Donald Duck, and Chicken Little.

If you are familiar with a turkducken, raise your wing.

The turkducken looks like a turkey...on the outside...

but inside....

there are two other birds quacking and clucking to get out.

When I first heard about the Super Bird...

the triple threat of birds...

I cried fowl.

It didn’t fly with me.

The thought of a triple stuffed bird brought on a triple response of...

shock/terror/nausea.

The de-boned chicken...

jammed into a de-boned duck...

rammed into a de-boned turkey...

reminded me of Russian Nesting Dolls, in poultry form.

Anywhooooooooo………

Maybe there are advantages to food combos.

Hmmm...maybe for next Thanksgiving I’ll work on some new side dishes to accompany the turkducken.

I’m thinking of mashed potatoes infused with gravy...grashed potatoes...

or squash cooked inside stuffing...squaffing.

With a turkducken, grashed potatoes and squaffing...

comes fewer dirty dishes.
A Bonus.

Shop 'Til You Drop

THE Season is here.

Shopping Season...

the season that separates the casual shopper from the serious/lunatic shopper.

There are many bargain shoppers who haul ass at the crack of dawn on Black Friday

(pun intended.)

These shoppers have the heart and soul for sales.


And then there are serious/lunatic shoppers who are also in it for the bargains,
but also for the sport and competition.

They are In it to Win it.

This year...the competition started earlier

with some stores opening at 9 and 10 pm on Thanksgiving.

Shoppers who hit stores on Thanksgiving have either had enough of their family...

or determined to bring home the bargain.

Shopping in these circles...aint for the faint of heart.

Between the stampedes and pepper spray ...

you have to be ready for battle.

(gives new meaning to the expression...shop 'til ya drop.)

Anywhooooooooooooo....................

I’m not sure how anyone has the energy to leave the couch for a store on Thanksgiving.

At 9 pm I was just feeling the burn of a tryptophan induced coma couch rub.

The idea of leaving a warm, candle lit house with my family

and entering a cold brick-and-mortar store of steely eyed strangers ready to tangle,

over a tv deal...not appealing.

Besides why not wait until today... cyber Monday....

a day of online shopping deals.

The virtual mall has its advantages...

you don’t have to come face-to-face with the serious/lunatic shoppers.

I’m thinking of becoming a cyber shopper...

or invest in a suit of body armor.

Old school shopping has become way too competitive for this Kat.