Friday, June 11, 2010

Eau de Kat

Just try and get down the center aisle of the first floor of Macy’s without women coming toward you pushing perfume samples. These women look innocent and pleasant enough…with their big smiles and nice clothes…but trust me…they are armed and dangerous.

At first glance, they appear unassuming…casually offering you a sniff of their perfume. No pressure. No pressure at all. But if you walk anywhere near them…they are on you…like dust particles to my furniture.

Once you’re in their zone…they position themselves so you have to maneuver around them. So I try to outsmart them. I zig…but then they zig. So I zag…and then they zag. They are masters of zig zag. You don’t have a sniff of hope of getting by them…unless you have an 8 foot vertical jump that can spring over them.

You think, with wearing 4-inch high heels, they wouldn’t be able to keep up with you…but no problem. These women are professionals and can master any terrain. They should really be working on the front lines against the Taliban.

When I see them coming in my direction…I’m prepared for their attack. I put up my battle shield and refuse all scents. That’s when they send in the re-enforcement perfume pushers.

I’m not trying to make their scent-of-a-woman job more difficult…but I truly can’t take the smell of most perfumes. It’s not that I’m allergic to them and go into sneezing fits, (because I would like that…as you may know, I have sneeze envy), but most perfumes give me a HUGE headache. Even the toilet water variety.


It is hard to outsmart perfume pushers because they are highly trained. Only the truly skilled make it to the front lines. I’m pretty sure there is a secret training camp in the heart of the Mojave Desert where these women learn the tactics of perfume zigging and zagging. Their scent is a give away.

Good Luck avoiding the pushy perfume pushers during your next trip to Macy’s.

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