Friday, July 16, 2010

Sound of Muzak

It’s amazing how often you hear Muzak…also referred to as elevator, background, and light music. Anyway, you package it…it’s canned.

Muzak is most often heard while you’re waiting on hold for a human to get to the phone. Like waiting for the grooming department at Petco. I was thinking that Petco(where-the-pets-go) could use some better muzak for people on hold. Suggestion: Any tune by the Pet Shop Boys.

Muzak has even made its way to the pumps at gas stations. Suggestion: make it fun with a little Beetle’s tune... “Baby you can drive my car”….or Janis Joplin’s “Oh lord won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz.”

For some reason, a lot of canned music is irritating. It’s something you have to endure, but then again...since when was anything “canned” considered a good thing? Canned laughter…not funny. Canned response…not creative. Canned email…never appreciated.


Once in a Blue Moon (not the beer)’ll hear real music while you’re on hold that makes you wanna get your groove on. (When I say YOU, I mean ME.)

I don’t think it’s weird to busta move when you’re on the phone...last I knew…they can’t see you from the other end of the phone. Besides it’s a great way to pass the time, get some exercise, and work on my moves...which are so fine.

Sometimes I do get caught…not bustin...but I get caught singing along when they switch over from the canned music. “Can I help you? And I’m singing into the phone: “Don’t. Don’t you want me?”

Something should be done about canned music...there's really nothing noteworthy about it. It would be great if someone could address this issue and help with a better sound of Muzac..and I’m not talking Julie Andrews...or even Rhonda. Although Rhonda did Help Me once.

If I was hired as Director of Canned Music, the first thing I would do is get rid of all computer generated music...which to me sounds like a series of electronic farts.

It’s interesting...I’ve made a profound connection: the same electronic fart sounds generated from canned music are eerily similar to the digestion of canned spam.

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