Friday, June 17, 2011

Crystal Clear

We’ve all heard the relationship expression…
a “May – December” relationship…
when there is a big age gap within the couple.

But what do you call it when there is an age difference of 60 years…
when the ‘gap’ is as large as the Grand Canyon?
The term “May – December” doesn’t do it justice…
I would call it a “B.C. – A.D. relationship.”

That would describe the relationship between 85-year-old Hugh Heffner and 25-year-old Crystal Harris (Playboy model). Their 60 year age difference rivaled that of Anna Nicole Smith (another Playboy model) and Howard Marshall. 62 years. Yikes.
 I would venture to say that this much gold digging hasn’t gone on since the Gold Rush of 1849.

AnywhoWAY, the wedding that was supposed to take place this Saturday between Hugh Heffner and Crystal was called Crystal.
Heffner tweeted, “Crystal has had a change of heart.”

Wow…I was impressed…
not that Crystal was smart enough to call off tying-the-knot with someone she would soon be tying his shoes…but the fact that 85-year-old Heffner actually knew how to tweet.
That’s impressive.

Apparently Crystal had an epiphany (to go along with her Tiffany.)
It suddenly became crystal clear to Crystal that Heffner’s lifestyle wasn’t for her.
But for some reason it wasn’t crystal clear during the previous 2 and half years.
($$$ signs have a way of blurring vision.)

One would say…the timing of her break-up is suspect…
especially as it comes on the heels of Crystal releasing her new single on iTunes.
Apparently she isn’t a blonde bimbo after all…she’s smart enough to recognize “free publicity."


I don’t feel too sorry for any of the parties in this B.C. – A.D. relationship.

Hef was using Crystal (not meth)…and Crystal was using Hef.
At age 85, Hef has to be old enough to know that he was being used and taken for a ride by Crystal.
(Hef happened to enjoy the ride in his used car.)

Maybe next time Heffner shouldn't try to marry a young woman.
 I think he would have better luck with adoption.

Or maybe Hef should stick with someone closer to his age.
Hey, Betty White isn’t married.
At age 89, she might be a little older, but I bet she could give Heffner a run for his money…
in a different way.

I’m sure it was hard for Hef to keep “up” his lifestyle with Crystal. 
In the end, Hef is probably happy Crystal broke it off…
now he can get back to his routine of Early Bird dinners and bed by 8:30.


Chelsea said...

if he wanted to wife up someone he should of married Holly Madison she "seemed" like she loved him.

"hef was using crystal (not meth)" hahaha

Hef & Betty.. it has a nice ring to it

Torrie said...

Love this post.

Oh yeah- Betty would surely give him a run for his money... or anyone remotely close to his own age for that matter.

But I don't think he could handle that... hence his 'beauty before/instead of maturity' choices.