Pat, I Presume

Just a tiny tirade about …all the mail we get from Capital One. You must be getting it too. We receive at least 2 letters every week…each one disguised to look like something we might want to open. But what smells like a rat usually is…and I end up dumping it in the trash…even before opening it. But sometimes it passes the sniff test and I open it.

I would like to meet the originator of all this mail...Pat W. Johnston, Director of Consumer Services of Capital One. Pat sends us so much mail…I could have a recycling bin dedicated to Pat from Capital One. I bet if I saved all the mail Pat has sent over the past year, it would weigh more than my leg, or my dog. Well, one of those.

I have a couple of questions for Capital One regarding their employee, Pat. First question, aren’t there some other jobs Pat could do, besides sending us all this mail? I suggest having Pat make coffee. Second question, is Pat a man or a woman? I guess it doesn’t make a difference, Pat is a pain regardless of sexual identity, but I am just curious. I like having a mental picture of my nemesis.

The funny thing is…about two years ago I decided…why not do dear Pat a favor and get the crummy credit card that Pat has been trying to shove down my throat? So I called the toll-free number to apply. As expected…I got a man in India, Joe, who I had a hard time understanding…but then again I have a hard time understanding the Boston accent.

After a lot of… “Huh, what did you say?”….I ordered the card which was to come within the next 2 weeks….but it never came. Ole Pat’s company never sent their card. So I waited another 2 weeks and then called the company again. A very polite Indian woman, Mary, said, “Oh let me order it again…and it will come within 2 weeks”…and it never came. (You must be catching on by now.)

So I called Capital One again and got another one of Pat’s friends in India, Sam, and I told Sam to keep his crappy credit card and to tell Ole Pat that I am sticking with my former Citicard….especially because they wised-up and gave the umbrella back.

So Pat is still up to the usual tricks…trying to disguise mail in different ways to get me to open it. I guess, I have to admire Pat’s persistence.

I’ll be hearing from Pat, I presume, in a couple of days.