High-Grass Violaters

“Homeowners who don't mow their grass in Canton, Ohio now face possible jail time. The city council unanimously passed a law that makes a second high-grass violation a fourth-degree misdemeanor…carrying a fine of up to $250 and as many as 30 days in jail.”

It is about time citizens in a town stood up for what is really important in life…well-manicured lawns. We all know how essential it is to keep up with the Jones’ lawn. So if these high-grass violaters should falter and not keep up with scheduled cutting…then I say, “Off to jail. Lock the damn door and throw away the key.” It is a big job for the city council to keep America beautiful…one lawn at a time. If these violaters can’t afford the price of gas required to mow…then a pair of scissors is always an option. No excuses here.

Believe me, it would be easier and less expensive if we could just let our lawns go to pot…you know what I mean…go to crap. I would love the opportunity to let my lawn crap out…but a guilty conscious keeps it mowed. Some people don’t have a guilty conscious or any conscious so they need a little incentive. Besides, if I have to keep up my lawn…then put the rascals in jail who aren’t doing their part.

My sketchy neighbors (who have since moved out in the middle of the night), would have been the poster family for high-grass violation. For their sake, they better not have moved to Canton, Ohio…where their ass would be grass by now and they would be singing the “get me outta Canton, Ohio” blues.

And while the reasonable people that make up the city council are at it….I hope they don’t stop there, when there is so much legislation that is needed. They should also establish a law requiring incarceration for women whose nails are not finely manicured. Chipped nail polish, ragged nails, and overgrown cuticles violations should carry a minimum sentence of two weeks in the slammer.

And for those who own cars so filthy…you can read the words “Wash Me” on their back window….they deserve to do hard time.