There is so much danger out there, folks. It is enough that we have to worry about robbers, looters, chain-saw murderers and pesky salesmen….but there is another category of danger. One that keeps my friend, Pia, up at night…and out of her backyard …the wild world of animals. You pick an animal and she is afraid of it. Lions…oh yea. Tigers…oh yea. Bears….oh my! Squirrels….run for the hills.
Pia is a petite woman so no wonder she is afraid. She has just cause. She’s so petite – she could easily be a tasty human petifor…for a mountain lion…with just one gulp. And God knows she’s seen at least one mountain lion in her backyard…or so she swears. :)
(Sure, we believe you Pia.)
The biggest threat and fear for Pia are the evil squirrels… she is a marked woman when it comes to the squirrel species. They are sure to attack her at any given moment. They are sitting in her backyard watching her every move…and plotting their next. They are probably peering through her kitchen window watching her make dinner right now. I’m not sure what she did to piss them off…to make them want to jump her.
And the golf course is a problem. If she shanks her ball in to the woods (for her sake, not often), she requires that someone watch her back. I know this, because I play golf with her and I promise I am watching. All the animals could have conferenced and planned a sneak attack on Pia while she was innocently trying to get in “a quick nine.”
It’s not like her husband hasn’t tried to rid their yard of these evil squirrels…to get Pia back outside. Pedro…a Marlin Perkins Wild Kingdom guy…has put a lot of effort into trapping these creatures. He knew that he had to think like a squirrel to catch one….he had to get squirrely. So Pedro got some traps and strategically placed them in squirrel places. I wonder if that squirrel running around the top of their roof even knows he has a trap attached to it.
I’d like to help Pia get over her backyard squirrel phobia. Here’s a couple of suggestions. I hear cats are a good deterrent to squirrels. How about we find that elusive mountain lion and invite him over for some backyard squirrel ….a sort of neighborly backyard barbecue for one hungry mountain lion. He should bring the sauce. Or maybe I could just sit in Pia’s backyard……this is one Kat that could scare all the squirrels away.
1 comment:
To help you understand Pia, you must know that when she was an even more petite age 5, she was jumped by a neighbor's dog. She never did get over that one, and to this day, out of respect for our Pia, no one in our family has pets! Well, okay, our brother has a tiny little dog. But Pia doesn't go there much. We love Pedro for trying to help - but as you can see, it hasn't worked yet. The idea that one of the squirrels is running around in anger with Pedro's trap clamped on his tail is utterly frightening to Pia!
posted by Pia's sister
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