Bless Her Heart

“Bless her heart!”...makes every insult a little nicer…like how a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.

So you are with some friends and they are gossiping…you are just listening, of course. Gossiping is something you would never do, but there is that part of you (muwahaha), that can’t help yourself. Your friends know how to use the “Bless her heart” routine to absolve themselves. I am aware that this is done, because I know a few women who have mastered it….and they are from the south…which makes them better than anyone. (JK ya’all) So you pull yourself closer…things could get juicy. This is how the masters do it:

They say: Did you see Jenny’s outfit today? It totally doesn’t match, bless her heart. She thinks those striped pants look good on her butt … and that blouse, bless her heart. Poor thing. She’s as ugly as a donkey, bless her heart, and boring as a fence post, bless her heart. Plus with all that weight gain since the baby. She tries so hard, bless her heart... Are you catching on?

Then there is the direct approach, where they bless someone right to their face…. “I see you got your hair cut. You must have been upset with the horrible job they did, bless your heart. I’m sure you’ve tried everything to fix it, bless your heart.”... Have you caught on yet?

With all the blessing going on…you could skip church on Sunday. You’ve been blessed so many times… you are going straight to heaven…(even with all that nasty stuff you’ve been doing lately, BLESS YOUR HEART.)... I’ve caught on….