Country Strong

“Jesus Take The Wheel”...

I’m hooked on country music.

You know you’re hooked

when you stay in your car to listen to the end of a song...

and you sit there...

to listen to the next three.  

For years and years, I’ve been a pop princess,

mmmbopping in my car. 

But my favorite musician/Colinboy moved to Nashville...

so I’ve changed my tune.

This Kat has gone Country Strong , ya’all.  Seriously.

And Sirius-ly speaking....

I keep my car radio tuned to Sirius Channel 59 The Highway.

I love listening to the lyrics to country songs. 

"They" say, “country songs tell a story.” 

And they do...A LOT of stories about drinking beer,

going fishing,

and riding in trucks with barefoot girls in cut-offs.

Hmmm....Never any songs about drinking punch,

going to the aquarium,

and riding around in Toyotas with girls in sensible shoes.

Then there are the country songs with lyrics that

hit you like a Hallmark movie and turn you into an emotional dishrag. 

The first time I heard the song, “Just Fishing”...

Trace Adkins had me hook, line, and sinker.

Before I could say, “catch and release me,”  I was reduced to fish chowda.

I don’t usually get emotional listening to pop songs ...

except the first time I heard

Captain and Tennille’s song, “Muskrat Love.” 

Hey, nothing turns on my tears more than

little mice in love...sharing their cheese.

Anywhooo....

On another country note...I have a suggestion.

Listen up ya'all for country artist, Dustin Lynch,

signed to Broken Bow Records. 

His new song, “Cowboys and Angels” was recently released to iTunes.

And I’m here, fixin' to tell ya...it’s hot damn good. 

Dustin is new to the country music scene with

an incredibly talented (and handsome) bass player,

my Colinboy. 

And hopefully...someday soon...they will be coming...to a city near you.

Yahooo...Mountain Dew

Blogging from a New Altitude

Look up.

It's a bird.

It's a plane.

It's Kat blogging from the sky.

This is a first, folks.

37,000 miles high and I'm sending this blog back down to Earth. 

Now, I ask you....When on Earth

would we have pedicted we could sit at an altitude above the clouds

and spread attitude back from the sky?

(and for only 5 bucks.)

Take-off was smooth sailing.

(Wait, am I sailing or flying?)

The Pilot had prepared us for some bumps (please, no bruises) through the clouds...

until we reached a cruising (wait, am I sailing or flying?) altitude. 

Thank the Lord, it was eventless. 

And I did Thank the Lord...

crossing myself each time the sound of the engine changed.

The only thi....

Sorry folks...gotta run...

Just when I open my blogging mouth about being turbulence free...

the Piolt has turned on the 'Fasten Seatbelt' sign. 

I can't cut a break on this voyage....(wait, am I sailing or flying?

I'll resume blogging after I get my stomach right side up and steady my shakes.

(And noooo.... I haven't had an in-flight cocktail.)

I gotta do what calms me down in turbulent times like these. 

I gotta put my headphones on

and turn the volume wheel on my iPod way UP.

I'll be back to ya when things (the plane, my stomach, my shaky fingers) settle down.

Anywhoo........

This Kat is back. 

My iPod distraction plan for turbulence worked.

EXCEPT for the fact...(as only my luck would have it)

...the song, "If I Die Young", by The Band Perry, started playing

 as soon as I turned on my iPod. 

And the words....

"If I die young, burry me in satin, lay me down on a bed of roses"

filled my ears. 

 (The only saving grace is...I'm not young.)

There couldn't have been a better song to play at that very moment. 

(To be read in a sarcastic tone.)

I'm not sure I like blogging from the sky..........

.......................

the Pilot is back on...with you know what.....

TURBULENCE AHEAD.

Talk to ya lata ....when this landlubber has her feet back on Earth. 

 (Wait, am I sailing or flying?)

Snack Time: Not a Laughing Matter

Our lives are busy and our days are long.

We want to get through the day being positive +

but are often negative -

because we need to recharge the volts in our batteries.

Nothing like taking a nap... a 5 or 10 minute catnap.

Sure fire way to get recharged.

BUT, at work, you really can't have your head down on your desk...

especially when the boss is nearby.

Sure fire way to get discharged.

That's when we look for ways to get refreshed..

to make it through the rest of the day.

Like...walking around,

grabbing a coffee,

ridin' a Red Bull

or hittin' the snack machine.

Nothing like a Snickers to make you smile.

Anywhoooo......

Wouldn't it be great to have

snack time and rest time built into our day?

Remember Pre-K when this time was factored into the school schedule?

The teacher would check her watch and say,

"Boys and girls, time for you to get your snacks"

and the kids would rush to their backpacks

and pull out the snacks they brought from home.

BUT...Not all snacks are created equal.

Some kids bring healthy snacks, like cardboard fiber bars and raisins.

Other kids, not so healthy (but tasty)...Ring Dings and Yodels.

Yesterday, a 4 year old boy in Meriden, CT brought in Cannabis.

yea man, 9 bags of grass, ganja, POT. 

What a thoughful, considerate sweetie. 

He wanted to share his organic snack with his friends.

(An investigation is ongoing.)

From now on...

the teacher might want to keep an eye on little Junior and check his snack...

ESPECIALLY

should he bring in brownies...

insist on playing hackeysack at recess,

and think

everything the teacher says

is SO DAMN FUNNY.

You've Been Hacked

Last week I got a call from

Citibank Fraud...

wanting to cancel my card and send me a new one.

Apparently some accounts were hacked.

 

woah....woah...WOAH...

wait a minute, Citifriend.

There are 7 billion people in the world.

What are the chances someone has my number?

I'll take my chances and monitor the account online.

My citicard is automatically tied to some accounts

and I'm not liking the idea of messing up iTunes.

Before letting me off the telephone hook,

Citifriend wanted to verify a few expenses.

Okay, if you must.

Yep.  I was at the mall...those expenses are actually legit.

Don't judge me, girl.

 Go on....

woah...woah...WAIT A MINUTE.

Back it up.

Did you say I spent $250 at a Radio Shack in Jersey?

Did you say I spent $2,000 at an Apple Store in NYC?

Well, those expenses are NOT legit.

Not one bit.

(Sorry had to throw in a rhyme.)

I'm not operating a new Mac. 

I'm still ridin' this ole PC which is slower than molasses in January,

slower than a DMV line before a holiday,

slower than the pace of this blog.

umm..you get the picture

Anywhooo....

What fries my ass (Can I have a shake with that?)

is that my credit card was actually swiped at these places.

There was an actual woman walking around with brass balls

using a counterfeit card with my number.

hmmmm.....

I wonder what "I" was like as "I" shopped for my new Mac.

Was "I" friendly? polite?

Was "I" wearing cute clothes?

Was "I" good looking?

As far as this Kat is concerned..."poser Kat" was ugly as sin...

and nothin' but a

 low-down, butt-sniffing

 scoundrel.

Let Them Eat Cake

Chelsea is 26 years old today.

Yikes, Where did the 9,490 days go?

Chelsea loves a celebration.

And doesn't hold back when it comes to her birthday.

The countdown started for her with her birthday month...

until her birthday week....

and now her birthDAY.

Six months from now, she will be celebrating her half birthday.

Now where does her enthusiasm for bday celebrations come from?

PaulA looked at me....duh?

Okay,

I might have had a hand in turning her into the birthday queen.

I admit, throughout the years

I've enjoyed being conductor of the birthday party train...

with theme parties abound.

Climb aboard. Next Stop....
Pie-in-the-face Party.

We even managed to get PaulA involved.

He made a great Butler at her tea party...

and a great dead guy

in the jacuzzi at her "Who-done-it " Mystery Party.

Anywhoooo......

Chels never liked cake for her bday.

A child of mine who doesn't eat cake?

That didn't come from me.

(This here girl like 'er cake.)

So I made ice cream pie with a rice crispy crust.

Back in the day, her fellow partygoers thought it was odd and would question...

"Where's your birthday cake?"

But she never minded. Chelsea always does her thang.

Regardless,
Chelsea was gonna have her ice cream pie...

Let them eat cake.

Happy Birthday, Chelsea.

Captain Hits Rock Bottom

NOW, I know

why I've never been on a cruise...

it's not the thought of getting seasick.

it's not the thought of being trapped aboard with thousands of strangers.

it's not the thought of the extra lbs, from bellying up to buffet tables overflowing with food.

nawwww.....

It's the thought of the ship going down....

hitting rock bottom..or some rock.

The tragic incident involving the capsizing of a cruise ship

sounded like a Modern day Titanic, but

without the iceberg,

without Jack, aka Leonardo DiCaprio, and

without Celine Dion singing the theme song in the background.

Last Friday the 13th (hmmm),

the Costa Concordia cruise ship crashed into rocks off the coast of Italy,

leaving a 160 ft gash, and rolling onto one side.

It was suddenly...

Man Overboard.

Every man for himself.

(At least that's what the ship's captain was thinking.

Heck, by the time the emergency alarm sounded,

the Captain was already safely on shore having a limoncello.)

All the while the scene onboard the sinking ship was confusion, chaos, and commotion.

The passengers hadn't even finished making a lap around the mile long dessert table

before they had to scramble for life vests and life boats.

I know how calm I would have been.

Not. very.

I would have been runing around like a Kat with her head cut off.

Whatever happened to

the Captain stays with his ship...

the Captain is the last person off...

the Captain goes down with his ship?

El Capitain must have been reading: "How to Save Your Own Ass"

instead of the mandatory book on "Passenger Safety."

You can be sure that when my ship comes in...

I will never step aboard.

Anywhoooo............

Of course, Captain Cowardly Francesco Schettino isn't taking the blame for this incident.

He said he runs a tight ship....and it wasn't his fault.

Looking for any excuse...

he hit rock bottom with me...when 

he said something about...

the passengers aboard

had eaten enough to sink a ship.

Recline or Decline?

When sitting in the cramped quarters of a flying cattle car
aka airplane,

there comes a time when you must solve the

ass burning question.....

Do you recline or

decline to recline?

Survey Says

(recently published in USA today)

27 percent feel they have the right to decline

27 percent feel all seats should be non-reclining

17 percent feel it is rude

15 percent only when sleeping

13 percent depends who's behind me

This Kat is hell bent on reclining.

I realize not all body types are made to fit in the 2 by 2 airline seats.

Sometimes you can get a tall dude behind you with long legs.......

But that's NOT my fault he has tall jeans genes.

Anywhooo....

The great, great, grandson of Emily Post, Daniel Post Senning,

(He can't possibly be that great)

says he will "recline only if the person behind him is sleeping and has reclined."

Well, isn't that mannerly of him...

and very lucky for the person who is seated behind him.

If we aren't supposed to recline...

then make STATIONARY seats.

People can get very testy...and very testicle (if you are a macho man) over the issue.

Flight attendants have probably had to settle a lot of disputes.

To NOT recline is probably a nice courtesy...

like the old "Be Kind, REWIND" courtesy of the ole VCR days.

But...

"Be kind, Don't Recline" ????

huh?

Unless the Airlines start charging...

this Feline

will continue to recline.

Tebow Time

What time is it?

It's Tebow Time.

Tim Tebow...

a former University of Florida Heisman Trophy QB,

and current Denver Broncos QB.

First and foremost...a devout Christian.

Some people wear their religion on their sleeve,

but Tim Tebow wears his on his face.

During his collegiate days he wore John 3:16

in black under his eyes.

After his last playoff win over Pittsburgh...

Tebow added some intringuing 3-16 stats to his record.

He threw for a season high 316 yards

and set an NFL throwing record of 31.6 yards per completion.

Whaaat? coincidence?

You make the official call.

Anywhooooo......

Tonight the Broncos are playing the Patriots in the AFC Divisional playoffs.

Tom Brady, Patriots QB

known for his devotion to his model wife, Gisele.

vs

Tim Tebow, Broncos QB

a role model, known for his devotion to God.

Tom Brady better watch out.

Brady might have his "A" game with him,

but not sure how that will hold up to Tim Tebow's "G" game...

miraculous play that results in a last minute win.

We all know God has more important things to do than meddle in a football game.

He couldn't possibly be up there rigging the game,

pulling out last minute wins for Tim Tebow's team.

Its not like God has money on the games.

BUT think again...

maybe St. Peter needs some new pearly gates.

The Media has brought a lot of attention to Tebow's sideline praying after a game.

Thanks to them we now have "Tebowing"

to add to our growing list of new verbs...texting, googling, blogging.

With Tim Tebow being thrown into the media spot light with talk of Tebow's

christian values...

I would bet

God feels like the winner...

and is up there

SMILING....

and LOVING all the attention.

Turn of the Tide

Congratulations to the University of Alabama...

BCS National Champions

(Big C's alma mater)

The Crimson Tide arrived at the Superdome in New Orleans last Monday 

READY TO RUMBLE

to avenge the overtime loss last November against the LSU Tigers.  

And the Game was a huge Turn of the Tide.

No matter what offense, special teams, and orange stripes the Tigers showed

there was nothing they could do to

stem the Tide 

before the Tide washed away

any possibility of an LSU win.

Anywhoooo....

It was a Grrrreat win for the Crimson Tide and the coaches,

the University of Alabama,

the Alumni,

the fans (including those of us up North) and

the City of Tuscaloosa.

Especially after the devastation and destruction

left behind by the tornado in Tuscaloosa last May.

With the BCS Championship win...

the TIDE...

ROSE to lift the spirits of the people of Tuscaloosa

FLOODING them with a new wave of optimism

and

FLOODING Nick Saban with a Gatorade shower.

With a total of 14 National Championships...

This TIDE is on a ROLL.

Roll  Tide.

King Kong Kat of Southwest

Traveling gets me out of my blog chair and out with the public....

gets me out with the masses....

out with the asses.

I'm usually a "go-with-the-flow"  non-competitive person... 

until it comes to getting in line to board a Southwest flight.  

That's when I become "King Kong KAT of Southwest."  

Anywhoooo........

Southwest Airline uses a unique boarding process that works...for them...

a nifty combination of A, B and C...with numbers.

On my last flight I was B9 for boarding.  

So after the A's (the Anal retentive) boarded...

it was time for the  B's...

Badass boarding.  

That's when I met my match...

a passive aggressive woman holding a B10 boarding pass 

who wouldn't let me in FRONT OF HER.  

She was NOT about to let me claim my rightful place in line.

She left me with NO CHOICE...

but to bust out my power move.

(a move I perfected from my days as a basketball star.)  

Ms. B10 forced me to box her out.

So...in one quick move,

I slid my right foot in front of hers,

wedged my suitcase into the  line...

and then shoved my body in front of her.

The bubble over my head was SCREAMING...

"DON'T MESS WITH KING KONG KAT OF SOUTHWEST."

Then she backed off.   Way off.  

Apparently when I'm traveling...

I'M one of the asses...out with the masses.

THE Perfect Cold Patient

Gesundheit

'Tis the time of year for catching colds.

I'm not a baby when it comes to a cold,

although I tend to moan, groan, and roll around in my bed.

I never take cold medication, not because I don’t believe in meds…

but I don’t believe anything really helps,

except massive sleep.

Everyone has their own way of dealing with a cold...

When PaulA gets a cold…he soldiers on.

He gets up, goes to work, and marches through the daily trenches of life.

left. right. left. right.

When Colinboy gets sick…he makes sure it's the common cold...

and not something uncommon.

He immediately rules out diseases like necrotizing fasciitis through WebMD.

When Chelsea gets a cold…she looks for meds to relieve her symptoms.

She wants it over...and over now.

One trip to CVS, down the cold remedies aisle, and she is ready to go.

When Bri gets a cold…she never says a word...let alone complain.

Once she walked around with mono for 10 days

before she decided to show me her tree trunk neck.

Yes, the 5 of us are all different with how we handle a cold…

but if you combine them…we are the...

Perfect Cold Patient

Someone who…

doesn’t complain

soldiers on

rules out rare diseases

takes meds

and gets lots of sleep.

Anywhooo....

Since moving to Nashville...

Colinboy says

Dr. Jack Daniels
helps with cold relief.

Booking It In Da Club

2012   

A New Year

Four days into the New Year

and this Kat can't wait to git back in da club.

Woo hoo.

Bookin' It in da club...wit my peeps.

Tonight I have a book club meeting.

And by "meeting", I mean dinner and drinks.

We call our book group the Avid Readers and have been "meeting" for over 5 years.

We get together each  month at a different restaurant in town...

order dinner and drinks...

and may (or may not) talk about the book.

When I head out for my evening of clubbing...

I make sure my family is set for dinner.

(What can I say... I'm just that way.)

"Hey Fam, Book club is tonight.

You'll find some left-over meatloaf...somewhere in the frig.

Or if you're really lucky, a few slices of pizza.

Love ya."

We are a unique book club, so we play by our own rules.

(Why would we wanna be painfully average?)

Rule #1...

It is NOT mandatory to read the book.

(No one will call you out for not reading the entire book, or the first page.)

They won't diss you,

hiss at you,

or piss on you,

even if you don't remember the name of the book.

Rule # 2...

gab. gab. gab.

(gabbing and WINEing  ALWAYS encouraged.)

Rule # 3...

have a few many laughs.

Rule # 4...

confuse and/or irritate the waitress.

(This isn't a mandatory rule, but for some reason it just happens.)

Anywhoooo….

Because of the holidays, we’ve missed a couple of months of clubbing.

So our meeting may run exxxxtra looooong tonight.

(Hmmm....what was the name of the book?)

If you read between the lines…

you know how much fun we are having

in da club.

“Off to book club, Fam.  Enjoy the meat loaf.

Love ya.”

Happy 2012

Happy New Year

 2012

The first of the Month...
The first of the Year....

rabbit

rabbit

rabbit

Anywhoooooooo

Apparently last year was the "Year of the Rabbit."
This Kat is only a year late and a screw loose.

Happy New Year
Everyone