Monday, August 15, 2011

Letter of Complaint

Dear Kat,

I have a few things I need to get off my Portuguese Water Dog chest.

For the past few months I’ve been biting my chops, trying to keep my yap shut,
but if I continue to hold this in any longer...I will pass out.

To get right to the point of this letter..
First, Front, and Foremost...
Your services have gone downhill. You’ve let things slide sooo much that they have hit rock bottom. And.I.Can’t.take.it.Anymore.

When I bark at 5 pm to let you know that it’s MY dinner time...you get up and fix yourself a drink.
WTH?
I am not barking to remind you that it’s happy hour.

My walks have become shorter and shorter.
Walking me from the house to the fence
and then encouraging me to take a leak IS NOT considered a walk.

I’m never allowed any time to smell the roses or smell the crap anymore.
Sniffing the deposits of the fellow four-legged who have walked before me...
is the highlight of my day.

I’m waaay overdue for a visit to the dog groomer.
It’s been 8 weeks now and I’m beginning to resemble Cousin-It.
My hair is so long that it covers both my eyes and you know I only have one good eye.
Do you enjoy watching me run into walls, car doors, glass doors?

Anywhoooo....

Last night’s “incident” was the LAST and FINAL straw.
You know what I’m talking about....when I fell off the stairs on my way back up from the beach.
You were busy yacking with your girlfriends and not paying attention to me...
when I blindly veered off the side of the stairs and fell into the brush and poison ivy 6 feet below.

FML


 

PLEASE don’t tell me that I am barking up the wrong tree with these complaints.

If things don’t start improving around here SOON...
I will be forced to take my business, of being a dog, somewhere else.

You are OFFICIALLY on notice, Katwoman.

2 comments:

Chelsea said...

i am holding in my laughter!! this was SO great. hahaha "i am not barking to remind you it's happy hour"

oh my gosh, duncan needs to get his bladder under control and come live with me!

hurts my heart that he fell!!

get it together kat!!! xoxooo

Anonymous said...

Poor Duncan! I can't believe he fell off the stairs!! Who picked him up and out of the poison ivy? YOU??!?!?
I wouldn't wait for happy hour after that.... off to the Bluff Bar!!!!
pattyo