Monday, February 28, 2011

Tick Tock Oscars

The Academy Awards Show is so lengthy.... it’s a lesson in endurance...which can be as painful as a root canal/a movie with English subtitles/a confession.

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned...I recently wasted 3 hours of my life watching the Academy Awards. Plus the hour and a half watching the pre-show red carpet...if I’m being truly honest.

Why do we watch The Academy Awards anyway?

Maybe to learn about the movies we haven’t yet seen, or to watch our favorite actors act happy when they lose, or to laugh at any verbal gaffes. (Note to Melissa Leo: Never drop the F-bomb at the Oscars.)

In reality...most people watch The Academy Awards to see what the beautiful people are wearing. The beautiful actors and actresses have worked hard with diet, exercise, and Botox to make a fashion statement: “Tonight I’m wearing a strapless champagne-color beaded Marchesa gown, Prada high-rise heels, bling by Tiffany, and face by Dr. Ramsey.”

When I watch the Oscars I make my own fashion statement: Tonight I’m wearing an off-the-rack 3-button flannel nightgown by Macy’s, bunny slippers by Target, and face cream by Revlon.


The important awards ...the ones that matter...don’t come until a few minutes before the show ends. “May I have the envelope, PLEASE!”

By then...I am so tired of waiting for an Oscar to be handed to Best Something-that-isn’t-a-Documentary...that I’ve nodded off. I wake-up when the credits are rolling.

It’s now midnight, but only 9pm at the Kodak Theatre in LA. My slippers are doing the bunny hop upstairs to bed, while the beautiful people are kicking up their Jimmy Choo’s with Hugh Heffner's bunnies.

Oh, I just remembered another thing that is a lesson in endurance...THIS BLOG...way too long, very draggy, and should be cut short.

Tick Tock. On the Clock.
Thanks for your time...Ke$ha KatOUT

1 comment:

Breezy said...

"Ke$ha KatOUT" hahaha

Tonight I'm wearing shrunken yoga pants by walmart, oversized sweatshirt from Boyfriend, and 5 extra pounds from Ben & Jerrys.

(just kidding about the last part hehehe)