Ma Oprah

I am a huge Oprah fan…not a fanatic. (I think celebrity fanatics are one step away from total whack jobs.) There is one thing I never understood about Oprah…why she never had children. She has said a child requires a lot of time and attention and she is busy. Frankly, I’m not buying it. Also, Oprah needs an heir…who is she going to leave all her money to? I wonder what her Last Will and Testament reads right now… “Give my fortune to Barrack Obama and my dogs…any leftovers throw to Stedman.”

Now why wouldn’t Oprah make a great mother? She can easily take care of the basic necessities: food, shelter, clothing, water. She has enough cashola to put a roof over the entire population of Kentucky. Her refrigerator is always stocked and ready for any mid-night munchies. Plenty of water around…bottled, Perrier, crystal…even the swimming pool and fountain in case of drought. Clothing taken care of…endless pairs of red bottom shoes by designer Christian Louboutin...basic necessities.

Oprah could always turn to her experts for any advice and assistance with her little junior/juniorette. She would have: Dr. Phil on call 24/7 to rush in and help with the teenage angst years. Dr. Oz to keep the kid healthy and explain what healthy poop looks like. Bob Green, the trainer, to keep the kid totally buff. Nate Berkus to decorate the child’s room and anyone else: cook, driver, maid, religious guru, built-in friends.

Now compare Oprah with me…haha. PaulA and I brought 3 children into this world…and we only have half of Oprah’s money. I didn’t have a Franny Nanny to help with our three or a long list of specialists. PaulA and I just figured things out…and did the best we could. Isn’t that what most parents are doing? I think her kid probably has less chance of getting screwed up than most kids. (It would be entertaining to see Oprah's kid end up on the Jerry Springer Show.) The possibility of lousy parenting skills never stopped the rest of us………..

Come on Oprah. We want to see you pull your hair out…have a kid.