Madonna VS Lady Gaga

Madonna

vs

Lady Gaga

Two heavy weights

with very large egos

have squared off in a proverbial boxing match in the pop world arena.

You would think that there would be enough room 
for both egos to coexist...

without them banging heads..
but,

 they seem positioned to duke it out.

Initially the air was clear between them..

even with Lady Gaga

getting all the attention. 

But when Lady Gaga released her song,

"Born this Way"...

Madonna felt sucker punched...aka

ripped-off.


Granted, there are similarities between 

Lada Gaga's "Born This Way" and

Madonna's "Express Yourself." 

Even Lady Gaga admitted there was a similar chord progression...

but what's the big deal?

The Material Girl could also be accused of "ripping-off" material.

Madonna should know...

"Lest thou not make accusations

...if thou art ripping-off too."

If you put Madonna's song AND video

"Vogue"...

side-by-side with Malcom Mclaren's song AND video

"Deep in Vogue"

(released the year before Madonna's)

the similarities are remarkable.

Anywhoooo....

For me...the worse "rip-off"  incident was 

Madonna at her show in Istanbul

when she ripped off her bra...

and flashed her "nip". ..

which is short for "nipple"...

which is short for

"WHAT the HELL WERE YOU THINKING MADONNA?"

Call me crazy, but in public I like to express myself

with my clothes on. 

 I guess I just was "Born this way."

In the meantime....

Ladies, back to your corners...


Try to 

take it on the chin
and roll with the punches.

You both are knock-outs.

Remembering Michael Jackson

Last month I was in a club with a live band...

(yes, they occasionally let me out.)

and a few people were out on the dance floor shaking it.

The few, however, became many

when the band started playing “Billie Jean.” 

People from all over the bar jumped to their feet ...

and squeezed themselves onto the tiny dance floor.

Whenever you hear a Michael Jackson song,

it makes you want to “Get On The Floor” and “Shake Your Body.”

It doesn’t matter if you’re “Black or White”,

“Ben”, “Dirty Diana”, or some “P.Y.T (Pretty Young Thing)”,

you feel like you “Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin."

With a groove like Michael Jackson’s,

it’s only “Human Nature” you want to get on the floor and dance.

 If you’re like me you “Don’t stop til you get enough.”  

You just can’t “Beat It.” 

We each “Remember the Time”

when we first heard Michael sing and dance with the Jackson 5;

a young MJ who easily took the stage and limelight without any nerves or “Butterflies.”

 From early on, he never had any privacy and I’m sure there were countless times he

wanted to “Scream” and yell “Leave Me Alone.”

Michael Jackson was loved around the world. 

His music found a way to bring people together and to “Heal the World.”

Those of you who also love him know that “You are Not Alone.”

Anywhooooo.....

When it came to the “Man in the Mirror”…

Michael had become a controversial figure over his latter years. 

Some thinking he was “Bad”, “Dangerous”...maybe a “Smooth Criminal"

and others thinking he was a brilliant artist and music icon.

Regardless of your position, his amazing talent and artistry earned him the title

‘King of Pop.’

Not only was his music "Workin' Day and Night"…

but his music videos were always a “Thriller”

with their innovative and “Off The Wall” revolutionary approach

to telling a story and creating a short film.

As one of his millions and millions of fans “I Can’t Help It”…

but I miss him "For All Time."

 Michael Jackson still had a lot of music left to give and was “Gone Too Soon.”

Michael.....

Whenever we hear your songs...we still wanna “Rock With YOU.”

ps. Happy Birthday Sister Sludge...you rock.

No *!#*! Profanity Allowed

Watch your potty mouth
when walking down Main Street in Middleboro, MA. 

There has been a proposed ban on swearing in public

and you could literally be slapped...

a fine of $20 bucks.

 

I believe there is no fine for swearing at home,
so if you feel the need to drop some F*** bombs...

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR.

I understand why Middleboro would want to prohibit

the use of profanity in public.

 Throughout the years we have become desensitized to "cussing"
and its cousin "swearing" ...
the two are running rampant.

The Town of Middleboro wants to bring back a little decorum,

which I agree, is lacking in many public places.

It seems that everywhere you go these days,
you can hear expletives
at sporting events, the mall, on vacation. 

But

What I don't understand is
the enforcing angle.
No matter how acute that angle is.

Who turns you in for using profanity?

a stranger on the street?
your neighbor?
yourself?


Are there members of the police force out on "swear patrol."
walking the beat,
hiding behind buildings and bushes,
jumping out of clothing racks at stores,
looking for F*** bomb offenders?

I don't get it.

Anywhoooo......

Last March I was using the "voice-to-text" feature on my cell phone
while vacationing on Waikiki Beach in Hawaii.

After I finished the text,
I looked down to make sure my phone understood me correctly....
and I saw that it had typed the F***word
smack dab in the middle of my text.

My phone actually heard the man near the water say the "F" word
which I had overheard...
but I didn't realize my cell phone had such good ears.


Why are you swearing, Dude?  You are in paradise.

Where's a bar of soap when you need it?

The people of Middleboro should start working on some alternatives
for F***bombs
to avoid slappings and fines.


I have a few suggestions they might want to consider:

"What the Fudge."


"Get the Fungus out of here."


"What the Futon are you talking about?"

and


the one my parents always yelled at me when I was growing up


"Shut the Fridge door."

Attention to Beat the Band

Why is it
when you don't want to draw attention to yourself...you do everything
but. 
   
The room you are about to enter is dead QUIET ...

even the church mice aren't
making a squeak.

You think you can creep in without drawing attention to yourself. 

Your plan is to sit in the back of the room.

But as only your

out-of-luck sorry-ass

would have it...

the only seats available are the ones in the front row.

So instead of quietly creeping in, as you have pictured...

the real picture is:

 You...as a drum major
with the Million Dollar Band...

...playing right behind you.

"Oh, when the Saints Come Marching In."
Roll Tide.


So Kat, why do you bring up this random subject?
(I like to ask myself questions.)

It has to do with my latest

"dumbass attention-getting moment."


It was 8:30 am and I was bringing my car in for service. 

I decided to wait for it with the

 other got-you-by-the-balls customers

waiting for their cars.

The room was crowded with people reading, working, and listening to the

bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, broadcaster blaring on the boob tube.

I decided I'd quietly slip in and take a seat

next to the fire extinguisher hanging on the wall. 

I figured I'd blend right in with it.
(We both have a similar look and put out small fires.)

I carried a tote bag with a book and an iPad 
to keep myself occupado. 

But...
only as my out-of-luck sorry-ass would have it...
 loud music started playing when I entered the room

and it wasn't the
Million Dollar Band.

 It was my iPad playing

"Beat It"

 

at Level LOUD.


I frantically tried to turn it off, but it played for 25 minutes...

okay, probably  more like 25 seconds,
but I do know Michael Jackson sang
"Beat it" 

"Just Beat it"

 at least 15 times.

If I wasn't so shocked and horrified,

I would have danced. 

I love M.J's music.


After I managed to silence it. 

I sheepishly looked up to see what commotion I had stirred...

and I caught a couple of smirks and smiles from a few folks.

They might have been Michael Jackson fans,

or they were just glad it was me and not them...who was the

 "star of the dumbass moment."

Anywhoooo....

Although it was embarrassing...I decided things could have been a lot worse.

My iPad could have played

I always get a lot of attention when that one plays.

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day

to all you fathers out there. 

Being a dad is a really big job

and if done right,

it pays well with

Love and Smiles...

from your family.

Although PaulA is not my father..

I wanted to celebrate PaulA...

the father of our 3 children...

a man who has been a pillar of strength and love

for all 4 of us. 

Seeing  my own Dad is 240 miles away...

I decided to follow PaulA around and do whatever he wanted. 

His choice. 

Name it...this Kat would be in.

No fussy Kat.  No finicicky Kat. No fruity Kat...

Just all in...all 4 paws.

So...
We took a 4 mile walk...at his speed not mine. 

My legs are a lot shorter,

but I found if I moved them twice as fast,

 I could keep up...

even if I looked like a hamster running on a wheel beside him.

Next up...was ocean kayaking. 

Luckily it wasn't too wavy today. 

30 minutes out to "The Point" and 30 minutes back.

paddle.  paddle.  paddle.

Alleve. Alleve. Alleve.

Then there was
weeding of the 120 steps to the beach,
 clipping of the bushes,

working of the yard.

Will he ever stop? 

PauA...the cute Energizer Bunny

...on steroids.

Anywhoooo.....

I have a sneaking suspicion that if I had followed my Dad around today

instead of my husband......

I might have gotten a  little more rest

and maybe even caught a few

Z's.

But, right now....

it's X's and O's...

to both Dads.

Smiles all around.

A bite on the Wild Side

Are you venturesome

when it comes to eating exotic foods?

When it comes to my food...

I never want to take a "bite on the wild side.” 

That’s sacred territory.

Back when I was a young Kat...

a mere kitten...

I was extremely finicky, so I mainly stuck to processed foods.

Fritos, Devil Dogs, and Oscar Mayer Bologna

were the base of my food pyramid.

Today I am not as finicky, but I can’t eat,

or even look at,

some of the food PaulA can eat…

especially one that beats me in a staring contest.

I once remember PaulA ordering the Wild Boar.

Yikes, talk about an adventurous palate.

All I could think of was the wild boar I saw on "Survivor"…

running free through the jungle.

The wildest I can imagine injesting is...a chicken

running free on the range.

My friend, PattyO, ordered the bison burger last night at dinner

and offered me a bite...

but I could fathom it or digest it.

 

I prefer to stick with Bessie instead of Bison.

Unless, of course, I've met Bessie,

which was once the case,

when a friend informed us ...

(while we were chewing...)

that we were noshing on his cow from his farm.

Poor sweet Bessie,

she had the longest eyelashes. 

Anywhoooooo....

My Bro was in China for a month

and lost 10 pounds

because he wasn’t a fan of the food...

which is strange to me because I know he is a big fan of Chinese food. 

You would think that they would have good Chinese food in China...

but it isn't what we are used to here.

The General Tsao over there

doesn’t rank the same as our General.

Apparently we have an affinity for

Admiral Tsao.

Maybe Bro should have washed down the food

with more sake. 

After enough sake...

it might make it easier to take a

"bite on the wild side."

Usernames, Passwords, and Pins

Usernames,

Passwords,

And

Pins...

Oh shit MY.

Does anyone have any tricks for remembering usernames, passwords, and pins?

  What do you do to keep them all straight?

Maybe you’re lucky to be born with a pornographic…whoops….

photographic memory.

I don’t have a photographic memory.

The only number I have committed to memory 

is my Mastercard number...

and that number will forever be burned

in my internal memory drive.

I have tried keeping the same usernames and passwords to make cyberlife easier…

but over the years,

it has gotten increasingly more difficult.

Sometimes the username I choose is already is in use,

so I'm forced to come up with a new one.

I was shocked to discover that

“Fatassblogger”

was already taken. 

These days the 'systems' require your password to be

"sophisticated"...

to contain atleast an uppercase letter and symbol. 

I hate it when my password is more sophisticated than I am.

(Note to self:  Try wearing a beret.  Berets scream sophistication.)

Once after I had few (of many) negative experiences with Comcast...

I changed my Comcast password to

"ComcastSucks! "

uppercase, lowercase and a symbol. 

It just oozed "sophistication."

It’s a good idea to choose usernames and passwords 

that have personal meaning/releavance to you.

I easily identify with

"Katwoman"…

but when I’m feeling extra spectacular about myself…

I opt for my inner...

"Wonderwoman.”

Then there are times I simply go with versions of Kat.

"Katscratch", "Katsup", "Katburglar", "koolKat", Katfish."

I particularly like…"don’tlettheKatoutofthebag"…

but the computer always spits that one back at me. 

With so many Kat configurations...

over time I’m not sure which Kat is where it’s at.

Anywhoooo..............

My ingenious trick to keeping everything straight

is a little book where I list all 47 username/password/pin combinations.

I’m not sure if this is a good idea…

but I keep the book next to my computer.

That way I can find it.  

Apparently, you can too. 

Now that I think about it…

leaving the book next to the computer is probably like

giving the prisoner the keys to his own jail cell...

ala Otis Campbell style,

the town drunk, who used to let himself in and out of jail in "Mayberry RFD." 

(For you youngsters...watch TV LAND)

Folks just might be able to let themselves in and out of my business.

"The  Next Big Thing” 

in cyberworld would be...

for someone to come up with a solution to

the username/password/pin Oh Crap problem.....

until then....

Will the person using the username

“Fatassblogger”...

kindly give it up?

If not, I will be forced to get

sophisticated...

with

“Fatassblogger2!”