Country Strong

“Jesus Take The Wheel”...

I’m hooked on country music.

You know you’re hooked

when you stay in your car to listen to the end of a song...

and you sit there...

to listen to the next three.  

For years and years, I’ve been a pop princess,

mmmbopping in my car. 

But my favorite musician/Colinboy moved to Nashville...

so I’ve changed my tune.

This Kat has gone Country Strong , ya’all.  Seriously.

And Sirius-ly speaking....

I keep my car radio tuned to Sirius Channel 59 The Highway.

I love listening to the lyrics to country songs. 

"They" say, “country songs tell a story.” 

And they do...A LOT of stories about drinking beer,

going fishing,

and riding in trucks with barefoot girls in cut-offs.

Hmmm....Never any songs about drinking punch,

going to the aquarium,

and riding around in Toyotas with girls in sensible shoes.

Then there are the country songs with lyrics that

hit you like a Hallmark movie and turn you into an emotional dishrag. 

The first time I heard the song, “Just Fishing”...

Trace Adkins had me hook, line, and sinker.

Before I could say, “catch and release me,”  I was reduced to fish chowda.

I don’t usually get emotional listening to pop songs ...

except the first time I heard

Captain and Tennille’s song, “Muskrat Love.” 

Hey, nothing turns on my tears more than

little mice in love...sharing their cheese.

Anywhooo....

On another country note...I have a suggestion.

Listen up ya'all for country artist, Dustin Lynch,

signed to Broken Bow Records. 

His new song, “Cowboys and Angels” was recently released to iTunes.

And I’m here, fixin' to tell ya...it’s hot damn good. 

Dustin is new to the country music scene with

an incredibly talented (and handsome) bass player,

my Colinboy. 

And hopefully...someday soon...they will be coming...to a city near you.

Yahooo...Mountain Dew

Blogging from a New Altitude

Look up.

It's a bird.

It's a plane.

It's Kat blogging from the sky.

This is a first, folks.

37,000 miles high and I'm sending this blog back down to Earth. 

Now, I ask you....When on Earth

would we have pedicted we could sit at an altitude above the clouds

and spread attitude back from the sky?

(and for only 5 bucks.)

Take-off was smooth sailing.

(Wait, am I sailing or flying?)

The Pilot had prepared us for some bumps (please, no bruises) through the clouds...

until we reached a cruising (wait, am I sailing or flying?) altitude. 

Thank the Lord, it was eventless. 

And I did Thank the Lord...

crossing myself each time the sound of the engine changed.

The only thi....

Sorry folks...gotta run...

Just when I open my blogging mouth about being turbulence free...

the Piolt has turned on the 'Fasten Seatbelt' sign. 

I can't cut a break on this voyage....(wait, am I sailing or flying?

I'll resume blogging after I get my stomach right side up and steady my shakes.

(And noooo.... I haven't had an in-flight cocktail.)

I gotta do what calms me down in turbulent times like these. 

I gotta put my headphones on

and turn the volume wheel on my iPod way UP.

I'll be back to ya when things (the plane, my stomach, my shaky fingers) settle down.

Anywhoo........

This Kat is back. 

My iPod distraction plan for turbulence worked.

EXCEPT for the fact...(as only my luck would have it)

...the song, "If I Die Young", by The Band Perry, started playing

 as soon as I turned on my iPod. 

And the words....

"If I die young, burry me in satin, lay me down on a bed of roses"

filled my ears. 

 (The only saving grace is...I'm not young.)

There couldn't have been a better song to play at that very moment. 

(To be read in a sarcastic tone.)

I'm not sure I like blogging from the sky..........

.......................

the Pilot is back on...with you know what.....

TURBULENCE AHEAD.

Talk to ya lata ....when this landlubber has her feet back on Earth. 

 (Wait, am I sailing or flying?)

Snack Time: Not a Laughing Matter

Our lives are busy and our days are long.

We want to get through the day being positive +

but are often negative -

because we need to recharge the volts in our batteries.

Nothing like taking a nap... a 5 or 10 minute catnap.

Sure fire way to get recharged.

BUT, at work, you really can't have your head down on your desk...

especially when the boss is nearby.

Sure fire way to get discharged.

That's when we look for ways to get refreshed..

to make it through the rest of the day.

Like...walking around,

grabbing a coffee,

ridin' a Red Bull

or hittin' the snack machine.

Nothing like a Snickers to make you smile.

Anywhoooo......

Wouldn't it be great to have

snack time and rest time built into our day?

Remember Pre-K when this time was factored into the school schedule?

The teacher would check her watch and say,

"Boys and girls, time for you to get your snacks"

and the kids would rush to their backpacks

and pull out the snacks they brought from home.

BUT...Not all snacks are created equal.

Some kids bring healthy snacks, like cardboard fiber bars and raisins.

Other kids, not so healthy (but tasty)...Ring Dings and Yodels.

Yesterday, a 4 year old boy in Meriden, CT brought in Cannabis.

yea man, 9 bags of grass, ganja, POT. 

What a thoughful, considerate sweetie. 

He wanted to share his organic snack with his friends.

(An investigation is ongoing.)

From now on...

the teacher might want to keep an eye on little Junior and check his snack...

ESPECIALLY

should he bring in brownies...

insist on playing hackeysack at recess,

and think

everything the teacher says

is SO DAMN FUNNY.

You've Been Hacked

Last week I got a call from

Citibank Fraud...

wanting to cancel my card and send me a new one.

Apparently some accounts were hacked.

 

woah....woah...WOAH...

wait a minute, Citifriend.

There are 7 billion people in the world.

What are the chances someone has my number?

I'll take my chances and monitor the account online.

My citicard is automatically tied to some accounts

and I'm not liking the idea of messing up iTunes.

Before letting me off the telephone hook,

Citifriend wanted to verify a few expenses.

Okay, if you must.

Yep.  I was at the mall...those expenses are actually legit.

Don't judge me, girl.

 Go on....

woah...woah...WAIT A MINUTE.

Back it up.

Did you say I spent $250 at a Radio Shack in Jersey?

Did you say I spent $2,000 at an Apple Store in NYC?

Well, those expenses are NOT legit.

Not one bit.

(Sorry had to throw in a rhyme.)

I'm not operating a new Mac. 

I'm still ridin' this ole PC which is slower than molasses in January,

slower than a DMV line before a holiday,

slower than the pace of this blog.

umm..you get the picture

Anywhooo....

What fries my ass (Can I have a shake with that?)

is that my credit card was actually swiped at these places.

There was an actual woman walking around with brass balls

using a counterfeit card with my number.

hmmmm.....

I wonder what "I" was like as "I" shopped for my new Mac.

Was "I" friendly? polite?

Was "I" wearing cute clothes?

Was "I" good looking?

As far as this Kat is concerned..."poser Kat" was ugly as sin...

and nothin' but a

 low-down, butt-sniffing

 scoundrel.

Let Them Eat Cake

Chelsea is 26 years old today.

Yikes, Where did the 9,490 days go?

Chelsea loves a celebration.

And doesn't hold back when it comes to her birthday.

The countdown started for her with her birthday month...

until her birthday week....

and now her birthDAY.

Six months from now, she will be celebrating her half birthday.

Now where does her enthusiasm for bday celebrations come from?

PaulA looked at me....duh?

Okay,

I might have had a hand in turning her into the birthday queen.

I admit, throughout the years

I've enjoyed being conductor of the birthday party train...

with theme parties abound.

Climb aboard. Next Stop....
Pie-in-the-face Party.

We even managed to get PaulA involved.

He made a great Butler at her tea party...

and a great dead guy

in the jacuzzi at her "Who-done-it " Mystery Party.

Anywhoooo......

Chels never liked cake for her bday.

A child of mine who doesn't eat cake?

That didn't come from me.

(This here girl like 'er cake.)

So I made ice cream pie with a rice crispy crust.

Back in the day, her fellow partygoers thought it was odd and would question...

"Where's your birthday cake?"

But she never minded. Chelsea always does her thang.

Regardless,
Chelsea was gonna have her ice cream pie...

Let them eat cake.

Happy Birthday, Chelsea.

Captain Hits Rock Bottom

NOW, I know

why I've never been on a cruise...

it's not the thought of getting seasick.

it's not the thought of being trapped aboard with thousands of strangers.

it's not the thought of the extra lbs, from bellying up to buffet tables overflowing with food.

nawwww.....

It's the thought of the ship going down....

hitting rock bottom..or some rock.

The tragic incident involving the capsizing of a cruise ship

sounded like a Modern day Titanic, but

without the iceberg,

without Jack, aka Leonardo DiCaprio, and

without Celine Dion singing the theme song in the background.

Last Friday the 13th (hmmm),

the Costa Concordia cruise ship crashed into rocks off the coast of Italy,

leaving a 160 ft gash, and rolling onto one side.

It was suddenly...

Man Overboard.

Every man for himself.

(At least that's what the ship's captain was thinking.

Heck, by the time the emergency alarm sounded,

the Captain was already safely on shore having a limoncello.)

All the while the scene onboard the sinking ship was confusion, chaos, and commotion.

The passengers hadn't even finished making a lap around the mile long dessert table

before they had to scramble for life vests and life boats.

I know how calm I would have been.

Not. very.

I would have been runing around like a Kat with her head cut off.

Whatever happened to

the Captain stays with his ship...

the Captain is the last person off...

the Captain goes down with his ship?

El Capitain must have been reading: "How to Save Your Own Ass"

instead of the mandatory book on "Passenger Safety."

You can be sure that when my ship comes in...

I will never step aboard.

Anywhoooo............

Of course, Captain Cowardly Francesco Schettino isn't taking the blame for this incident.

He said he runs a tight ship....and it wasn't his fault.

Looking for any excuse...

he hit rock bottom with me...when 

he said something about...

the passengers aboard

had eaten enough to sink a ship.

Recline or Decline?

When sitting in the cramped quarters of a flying cattle car
aka airplane,

there comes a time when you must solve the

ass burning question.....

Do you recline or

decline to recline?

Survey Says

(recently published in USA today)

27 percent feel they have the right to decline

27 percent feel all seats should be non-reclining

17 percent feel it is rude

15 percent only when sleeping

13 percent depends who's behind me

This Kat is hell bent on reclining.

I realize not all body types are made to fit in the 2 by 2 airline seats.

Sometimes you can get a tall dude behind you with long legs.......

But that's NOT my fault he has tall jeans genes.

Anywhooo....

The great, great, grandson of Emily Post, Daniel Post Senning,

(He can't possibly be that great)

says he will "recline only if the person behind him is sleeping and has reclined."

Well, isn't that mannerly of him...

and very lucky for the person who is seated behind him.

If we aren't supposed to recline...

then make STATIONARY seats.

People can get very testy...and very testicle (if you are a macho man) over the issue.

Flight attendants have probably had to settle a lot of disputes.

To NOT recline is probably a nice courtesy...

like the old "Be Kind, REWIND" courtesy of the ole VCR days.

But...

"Be kind, Don't Recline" ????

huh?

Unless the Airlines start charging...

this Feline

will continue to recline.