Cyber Monday Shopping

The monday morning after Thanksgiving I woke up 

(from my tryptophan coma)

to find I had 76 emails and said out loud 

 "hot dang, 

I am popular today." 

So I scrolled through my peeps…

to see who was checking in...

okay, there's

Tiffany, 

(hey girl)

Joss,

Dot,

Max,

Ann,

and

Joe 

Then I took a closer look...

more like...

Tiffany & Co, 

Joss & Main

Dot & Bo

Max Restaurant Group

Ann Taylor

Joe Photo

It hit me….

It was Cyber Monday and 

I was being 

Cybersolicited.

anywhooo…..

I totally understand the attraction of Cyber Monday.  

If you can get a deal on something online and 

spare the crowds and 

long wait in lines 

at the Taj mamall…

why not?   

But this Kat has never been an online shopper...

call me old fashioned  (not old)…

I like to pick the item up, 

turn it over, 

shake it, 

try it on, 

and

smell it 

before I buy.  

It must pass the smell test before I buy it. 

You can't do that on the internet. 

  

After being bombarded by all the

 cybermail for cybersales 

I decided to hit the cybertrail

and hit up Target for a little cybershopping... 

only to find

I was stuck in a virtual line

behind thousands. 

(Bring on the 10 people that would have been 

ahead of me at the brick-and-mortar Target.)

I wished I had a cyber sword to cut the line.

For me...

Cyber Monday shopping stinks.

And it has to pass the smell test.

Thanksgiving Day Food Mashups

When it comes to Mashups...I am a fan of some....

like the blending of

Maroon 5 "Sugar" and Katy Perry's "Birthday" songs...

But when it comes to a turducken.

Not so much.

I'm sure by now, you are familiar with the turducken,

the triple threat of birds

 turkey, duck and chicken ...

three birds in one.

Gobble

Quack 

Cluck

I was introduced to the turducken 5 years ago.  

Hello Turducken, it's me.

When I first heard about the Super bird, 

I cried fowl. 

On the outside, the turducken appears to be the usual 

fowl weathered feathered friend 

who is fattened up for our tryptophan coma. 

However, on the inside, the turducken is a bird of a different feather. 

Inside the turducken lurks 2 other birds 

quacking and clucking to get out.

The sight of the triple bird spurred a triple response in me …

shock

terror

nausea. 

The de-boned chicken…stuffed into a 

de-boned duck…stuffed into a 

de-boned turkey…reminds me of those 

Russian nesting dolls, in poultry form.

I wonder what wine goes best with turducken?

Anywhooooooooo……….

Although the turducken still doesn't fly 

with me....

I am a fan of the newest frankenfood mashup...  

the Piecaken...

pie stuffed inside cake.

The pie/cake combinations are endless.

What could be sweeter than that???

The sight of the layers of confection spurred a new triple response in me...

salivation

satisfaction

YUMMMM

I actually think mashup works best 

with most foods at Thanksgiving.

After I pile everything on my plate 

the foods begin overlapping and 

invading each other.

The mashed potatoes from the east start crowding out the defenseless peas to the north while the 

 bold squash out of the south 

carefully creeps onto the unknowing stuffing from the west.

This was an "ew" when I was 10.

Let the Mashups Begin.

Happy Thanksgiving y'all.

Buns and Puns

When you reach a certain age, 

"they" advise you to become intimate with

a gastroenterologist.  

After putting up a real stink and 

procrastinating until the cows come home, 

you eventually succumb to the nastiest of procedures...

it's colonoscopy time, folks.

This time it was PaulA's turn.  

I had my colonoscopy last winter during a full moon, 

so my job was to drive PaulA back and forth to his procedure.

 He definitely got the bum end of the deal.   

ba dum dum

I admit, 

the only thing that gets me through the 

twists and turns of  a colonoscopy is the puns.  

Buns and Puns.

And it didn't get better than this. 

This was the sign on the medical building of my colonoscopy. 

for real.

I arrived laughing my ass off. 

Anywhoooo…..

I am always correcting PaulA that the word "colonoscopy"

 is pronounced Colon–oscopy. 

NOT...Colin-oscopy. 

I have to remind him that we didn’t name our son 

after an internal organ…

especially one so twisted and dirty. 

They say the prep is the worse part. 

And "they" would be right.

The prep poops you out

with

ingestion of a liquid roto-rooter  and 

mad dashes to the loo. 

And a note of caution:

a fart is not just a fart.  

It should never EVER be underestimated. 

And a laugh or a cough could also prove disastrous.  

I’ll spare you the behind the scenes details of the procedure.   Let's just say, 

it involves a very long garden hose 

with a light and a camera attached to the end

(The only time it is acceptable to be hosed.)

and  

the best sleep ever…

the Wizard of Oz poppy field kind...

not the kind you get in Aisle 5 at Walgreens.

I remember asking the Dr. after my colonoscopy 

if he found a polyp, 

not PaulA...

he asked his Dr. if he found any money in there.  

PaulA = a smart ass

I find it interesting that before you get your ass out of Dodge

they give you a farting parting gift; 

a picture of the inside of your colon.

Although the picture is quite interesting,

it's not really worth framing.

Luckily PaulA doesn't have to go back for another 10 years.  He asked his Dr. if he would be around for his next colonoscopy to which the Doc answered "Nope."  

I'm sure 

he's seen his share of assholes through the years.

And needs a change...

of view. 

You have to be tired of the cracks and cheeky humor.

I'll end now.

The best thing about a Colonoscopy is the puns.  

Buns and Puns.

Act Your Age

I have a bone to pick with Facebook.  

(Yes Mark Z, I'm talking to you.)

The day before my birthday I logged on to FB 

and a message immediately popped up:  

Tomorrow is Kathy Healy's xxth birthday.  

Did I really need to be reminded  I was turning another year?  Come on Marky Mark… 

Couldn't you at least let me enjoy my last day of that year.  

So if I was getting the FB reminder, 

I'm guessing everyone else was too.  

I was surprised my birth year appeared.  

I had tried to get rid of it from my profile earlier but Failed 

so I changed my birth year to 1976.  

(FB probably did the math and figured

no way did I have a child at 10.)

PaulA told me to call FB. 

huh?  

I didn't know that was an option.  

Anyone know how to get in touch with Mr. Z?  

Maybe

 1.800.PLZ.MYOB .

Apparently I'm acting my age…

old and cranky.

Anywhoooo….

They say you are only as young as you feel.  

This morning I woke up feeling 39 (Winning)…

with a golf game planned later in the day with PaulA.  

But my noon I was feeling my age plus some extra years.  (Fail)

 I somehow twisted a side muscle and could barely move.  A first for me…

and the perfect old person gift to myself on my birthday.

I downed an Alleve, hit the outside lounger, and waited 

for the meds to kick in.  

Again, acting my age.

So If age is a state of mind…at this moment 

I'm living in the oldest state that comes to mind.  

I am looking forward to Jeopardy tonight.  

Like most old people…I can't miss it…

especially 

when the current winner has won 12 times in a row.  

Acting my age.

There is hope for me....

I am going to dinner at 8 pm which is way past the 

Early Bird Old folk Special 

But I must say,

I am onboard when it comes to an early happy hour.

Acting my age.

Old people are the BEST.

Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit - October 1st

October 

is one of my favorite months...

other than Summer...

which apparently is a season 

but feels more like a month.  

ya know what I'm talkin' about?

It's a new month and I'm 

remembering all the way back to last week...
the trip PaulA and I took with good friends 
to visit good friends 

in Steamboat Springs, Colorado.
Hence, all good.

special thanks to Lee & Susan

Anywhooo whooo whooo

In honor of the 1st of the month
I'm posting 
some pics of our hike up Rabbit Ears Pass...

Rabbit

Rabbit

Rabbit

Remembering

REMEMBERING....

the innocent lives lost on 9/11/01

and 

THANKING

our first responders 

for their heroic actions that day and today.

Happy (No) Labor Day

Happy Labor Day

aka

Happy (NO) Labor Day

An extra day off from work for good behavior.  

Anywhooooo......

It is so hard to believe that 

the "unofficial last day of summer" is here and now

and not around the corner and later.

I really hate to drone on and belabor the point that time is flying way too quickly

but

time is flying way too quickly.

So get out there already....

and enjoy.

  

I may have to remind PaulA that it is No Labor Day

and to put down the paintbrush

and walk away from Aunt Polly's fence  

the house.

Scraping and priming and painting is hardly 

a labor of love...

but

later he will be able to sit back with a cold one

and enjoy the 

fruits of his labor.

This Kat, on the other lazy hand, 

has no trouble relaxing on 

No Labor Day.

take a lesson PaulA from this Kat

aka Tom Sawyer

Happy (No) Labor Day

 

Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit

                            Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit-September 1st

Happy September 1st

ONE YEAR AGO...
this was a 
Big
Big
BIG
month

Chelsea and Austin's 

wedding 
September 27th.

The good luck rabbits
dressed 

for the occasion and did their job.

Luckily, there was 

no hide nor hare of rain 

for their outdoor wedding ceremony

Anywhoooooo.......

Hare they were:

Rabbit

Rabbit

Rabbit

Happy Wedding Month to 
this special couple....

xoxox

Uber Fan

You gotta love Uber.  

The Uber name alone is

Uber fun.   

To have a car pull up to the curb

that I have summoned through my phone…

feeling like Warren Buffet 

is Uber Cool.

Those Uber founders were Uber smart and now Uber rich.

Unfortunately there are people out there trying to give 

Uber a bad name...

mainly…the competition.

This Kat, however,

is all in when it comes to Uber.

Anywhoooo…..

My virgin ride with Uber 

(you know what I mean) 

was in Nashville and was FREE…gotta love a free ride.  

My second Uber ride 

was from the airport to our house.

During that trip, the Uberman and I hit it off 

with a little pleasant chit chat...

yada yada...

Right before he dropped me off, 

he casually mentioned that he was giving me 

the highest rating.  

huh…rating me? 

Dude, WHAAAAAT are you talking about?  

I thought rating was one way…

my way...

me rating YOU.  

Now that I've put 2 and 2 together and 

brilliantly come up with numero 4….

 I'm realizing that I have to be on my best Uber behavior 

when I'm riding with Uber.

It would be terrible if my good name was slandered in Uberworld and

I was left taking a taxi.

Hmmmm......

now that I think about it... 

the taxi service does have its redeeming qualities. 

At least with a cab driver there isn't any rating going on…

in any direction.

We both can be rude to each other 

and no one is the wiser...

except for Bud…

that dang Bud is always wiser.

Happy BriDay #24

Happy 24th Birthday to Wishy…

the sweetest young woman 

with a sunny disposition...

(unless there's a lobster loose)

unique and creative in every way 

from the bands she follows...

to her style sense…

Brianna

lives by the tagline she created 

for her jewelry business…

"Dare to BriDifferent."

Anywhoooo……..

When it comes to Brianna's birthday, 

Bri has always been about the paaaaartay. 

Today I'm remembering the parties from 

Brianna's early Bridays…

back when the two of us put our heads together

and had PaulA 
knocked off 

in the jacquzzi 

to

the tribal council

where the tribe had spoken.

With or without a dead guy…

I dare say, 
today 
there will be celebrating…

on Breezy St.

Hugs and kisses to Bri on her 24th Briday.

xoxox

No matter how old Brianna gets, 

she will always be my

precious baby doll.