Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Cop on a Beat

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be a cop…to have power and authority…to throw someone in the slammer. Some cop assignments are not very appealing, but whenever I see a cop cruise by me on the highway…I wish I was an enforcer, a 5-0, a Bad Ass, Fuzz, Heat, Po…anyone of those.

It must feel great to put the pedal to the metal and blow by us poor saps pretending to obey the speed limit. Sometimes you see a cop cruising down the highway…with their light off…they’ve suddenly come up behind you from out of the blue. You take a quick glance in your rearview and see ‘the Heat’ bearing down on your bumper. Your heart skips a beat…so you move over into the slower lane…knowing your time is up. Then ‘the Enforcer’ flies by…never even looks at you….let alone pulls you over. Whew!! You know what has just happened…you don’t even have to guess. His wife called and said his dinner was getting cold. It’s his favorite….chicken pot pie.

One cop assignment that I would never want is to be a cop on horseback…riding Ole Silver. I get a charge out of cops riding horses in cities like Boston and NYC. I think they look funny sitting up there, especially when the horse lets it go…or starts peeing like Niagara Falls.

A cop on a bike…really gets my gears going. First of all, they look out of place wearing their biker’s helmets and shorts. They look like kids who decided to play “cop-on-bike” for the afternoon. ‘Hey cop…just try and catch me…riding your Schwinn! Na, na, na…you can’t catch me.’

The funniest sight of all…is the cop on a Segway. Not only is he wearing a helmet…he’s looking like George Jetson with a badge. Granted, the Segway cop is having more fun than his friend, smelly horse cop.

It seems unfair to label cops with the stereotype that “cops drink coffee and eat donuts all day”…but there must be something to the donut thing. You never hear that “cops drink Chai tea and eat croissants”….never.

For at least one day, I would love to be a cop riding a cruiser. I wouldn’t stop and pull anyone over. I'd just want everyone get out of my way as I parted the streets…on my way to Dunkin Donuts. I might have to turn the lights and siren on…just to add effect.

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