Light Reading

This morning, like every morning, I went out the front door to search for my newspaper. This isn’t always easy…the paper boy likes to play hide and seek with it. Found it…in the crusty dirty snow bank by my mailbox. (Note to self: cut that kid’s tip) I was looking forward to having my coffee…and reading about the latest politician shenanigans. The news these days reads more like a smutty book. (Bring it on Baby!) I picked up the paper and noticed something odd. It shrunk in width…it got skinny.

It seems every where you turn there is someone or something getting skinny. Skinny actresses, skinny ice cream, skinny lattes…. Take Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, Mischa Barton for instance. It seems that not only skinny actresses are in…but skinny newspapers are too. Our newspapers have gotten size conscious…no more bulk.

Because circulation of newspapers are shrinking…(thanks to the internet)…papers are shrinking in size. By trimming the paper, they are trimming the fat out of their expenses. So they pinched an inch from our newspaper. Hey, that’s a lot….Think about an inch off your waistline or inner thigh…too bad losing weight isn’t so easy.

I never thought of my newspaper as over-sized…as fat-assed…sometimes we are the last to know. I kinda like spreading it out on the counter. With a meatier paper…there is a little more to hold on to…more to spread. I hope now the paper doesn’t end up with an eating disorder…and totally waste away. That would be very sad.

Will having a narrower paper reduce the amount of information we are fed? Hopefully it will reduce the advertising…but I think not. I think they’re trying to feed us the line… “Less is more.” (They are walking a thin line here.) That’s okay…just as long as they don’t shrink it too much and start printing it on toilet paper squares…although sometimes the stuff in print is best for the toilet. I guess it could be very handy….read and wipe. There I go with bathroom humor. (very sorry)

Anyway, I hope you enjoy getting the skinny from your skinny newspapers while drinking your skinny lattes….just don’t think I am gonna get skinny…because my paper did.