Power Shop

Shopping this time of year should be considered exercise. I went shopping today and I think I got a pretty good work out. It is so darn crowded that the only place to park is about a 2 mile walk from the mall. “Hey people, it’s only Macys…Are they giving stuff away in there?”

To get to the Taj Ma…Mall, you have to climb a couple snow banks, hop a few slush puddles, and sprint…it is so blasted cold, you definitely aren’t walking. Then when you actually get inside, it is hundreds of crazy people running into each other, bumping off one another… “Excuse me, pardon me, get out of my way”…

If you are actually finding stuff to get people on your list…you end up with a few packages. And after awhile, they add up and can get pretty darn heavy. You’ve got the coffee maker for Nana, the bathroom scale for Auntie Betty, the lump of coal for PaulA. So your dilemma is …Do you trek back to the car, over the puddles and snow banks and get rid of your packages? Or do you schlep the bags around? Okay, you probably do the latter…and carry everything around with you like a darn pack mule, which actually counts towards exercise. You start to feel the strain in your arms…What did Jane Fonda say back in the 80s?: Feel the burn, Baby. Your arm muscles are really burning now.

The ultimate work-out routine during the power shop is…if you have to actually fight someone. That last size XXXL waffled yarn long-sleeved shirt is just perfect for Uncle Stevo. The “enemy shopper” grabs one end of the shirt while you’ve got the other. So you smile and politely say, “Excuse me ma’am, but I had this item first.” Then she says, “I’m afraid not.” And then you step it up a notch… “I’m afraid so Biotch…so get your hands off!”…Okay, now you arm wrestle over it until you have to slam her to the floor and put her in a head lock.

I think I got a good workout with my power shop today…I know my credit card did.