Thursday, November 15, 2007

So Close But Yet So Far

Some people like to run far and fast…Can you imagine? I have a friend who can run 11 miles like it is a walk in the park…no prob. OMG I don’t know how linnyj does that! Well today I heard that iPods are being banned from races, because they can be dangerous by blocking out other sounds. Darn….and I was thinking of running a marathon. Well, not now…I was so close.

Linnyj once got me to run in a 5 K race. (Why isn’t it called a 3 mile race for us kiddos who never learned the metric system?) What did she say to make me agree? Maybe she promised a great meal afterward.

So there I was at the race. I took one look around at the people and I knew I was in trouble. They had all the right runner clothes on and special running shoes... as I stood there in my gym shorts and Keds. I knew it was a race but did they need to be so serious. They were stretching their hams and glutes and I don’t think they were talking about making dinner. They gave us each bib numbers (the last time I wore a bib, I don’t think I could even walk)….so they were serious about recording times. Uh Oh…I am in huge trouble now. Maybe there is a short cut that I can find.

The gun goes off, don’t worry no real bullets …and we start running. (You can be sure I never saw linnyj again until the finish line.) Yep, there I am in the middle of the pack…running along. So I am feeling pretty good. I’m smiling, but for some reason no one else is. (Maybe they don’t know about the shortcut.) After a mile of running, more and more people blow right by me. Now that’s just not nice. Then more people…so by the last mile, I decide I should look back. I think I can manage to keep running and look back at the same time without falling over. So I do and I see….one runner behind me. And it is a woman who thinks she is going to pass by me, making me dead last. She is dead wrong…not in this lifetime. The one thing I know is….that blankety, blank, blank woman is staying behind my blankey, blank, blank ass….take a number sista.

I can hear her running….she is right behind me. I decide that if I can hear her, that is good, because then I will know where she is at. (You know the saying, keep your enemies close.) I’m listening and she is sounding like me…heavy breathing….another phone stalker person running. I decide I have to kick it into overdrive because my underdrive sure isn’t working.

The finish line is fast approaching or is that slowly approaching….and I have managed to keep that rascal behind me, where she belongs. I change my iPod to the perfect song… The Chariots of Fire theme song. That works for me….I can visualize myself crossing the finish line (in slo-mo, of course) with the woman behind me, eating my proverbial dust. And I actually do it…I win! I beat the slow-assed woman. I didn’t win the race, but I finished (my time is my secret) and I wasn’t dead last. Moral of the story kids…lower your expectations. No wait, just kidding, that isn’t it. Maybe it’s…you can accomplish things if you push yourself hard enough.

So nope, no marathons for me…And that is a shame! No iPod…no marathons. You see, I was so close...

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