Read It and Weep

I would venture to say that most people love reading for pleasure, but have a hard time fitting it in. Finding the time and the place to read a book with our hectic schedules can be difficult. It’s not like everyone has Kat’s schedule…where you can put your feet up….eat bonbons and donuts…and stick your nose in a book during the day.

Last week I was at a red light and glanced over to see a man with a book open on his steering wheel. I guess he found the perfect place…his Saab900s. Hopefully he’s only reading at lights and in traffic jams…and not while he’s whizzing down the road at 65 mph. Speaking of whizzing………..

There are those who do their reading in the bathroom. Hopefully it’s just light reading with the Reader’s Digest (Is it still in print?) and not heavy reading with War and Peace. Enough said about whizzing.

The other day I saw a guy with his nose in a book as he was walking down the sidewalk. Now that takes concentration and coordination. I wondered if he was really reading or trying to look book smart? I don’t get it. For me, just walking on the treadmill while watching TV and eating bonbons and donuts is hard…Let alone add reading a book.

Most people find time to read in bed before they go to sleep. I’ve tried plenty of times to do that, but haven’t mastered it. If I read more than two pages, my eyelids begin to feel like book bags. And then I haven’t a clue what I’ve read the next time I pick up the book. I always have to reread pages. I haven’t a clue what I read the next time I pick up the book. I always have to reread pages. I haven’t a clue what I read the next time I pick up the book.

My natural talent is reading when the TV is on. Especially sports. So when PaulA is watching a football game or golf (the golf whisper is the best)…I book-it. I am able to tune out the TV and everything around me and envision myself alone with my book, eating bonbons and donuts. I actually inherited this talent from my mom. Growing up, we all knew we were doomed when we saw mom with a book…dinner was only a four letter...I mean, six letter word.

I know a lot of people who like to read when they are traveling on a plane or in the airport to help pass the time. But I have to be careful about reading in public places…especially a ‘Read it and weep’ book. At the airport in St. Louis, I became an emotional wreck while reading the ending of “The Notebook.” I tried so hard to hold everything in...that my body shook.

I have a helpful suggestion for those who find it difficult to find the time or place to read a book…stick with some easy reading at your computer…and read Kat's blog. I’ll even supply the bonbons and donuts.

Gossip Girl

What’s the buzz…tell me what’s a happenin’???

Did you hear about Perez Hilton, the celebrity gossip? (I guess this blog makes me a gossip…or a gossip girl once removed.)

Anywho…Perez was (allegedly) attacked by the Black Eyed Peas manager or their singer Will.I.Am, or both. Was it something Perez said that initiated the attack? Probably. Heck, as I said: Perez is a celebrity gossip…so that’s what those people do…gossip. They open their mouths and say things that aren’t always true…and sometimes people want to help them close them…with their fists.

I don’t condone violence, so I would never make fun of what happened to Perez. Celebrity gossip or not…no matter what someone says, it doesn’t mean you have the right to physically beat them up. But what I find most interesting is what Perez did after the assault.

What does a celebrity gossip do after he’s been assaulted and bleeding? Call 911 and ask for the police like the rest of us? Nope. Perez logs onto Twitter and starts sending out tweets….
A tweet to his followers giving a real time account of what was taking place and a request for assistance: “I’m in shock. I need the police ASAP.” Interesting choice.

I suppose twittering for help doesn’t work for just everyone. It requires you to have a lot of followers on Twitter for anyone to even notice and bring help. If I was to twitter for assistance…maybe 1 of my 4 followers would see my tweet…3 days from now. And by then, I’d be a goner.

However, if I had the capability of sending out a tweet to MILLIONS of folks asking for assistance…my tweet would read: “Someone Help!!! I’m dying over here…I need a Carvel twist in a cone…ASAP.”

PS. Special tweets today to my tweety hubby, PaulA: “Happy Birthday!” Love, your Gossip Girl.

Dinosaurus

Remember taking vocabulary tests in school? Memorizing the definition for the test…and then never using it again in a sentence…let alone in a lifetime? And choosing the answer “B” on the SAT test…just because.

Do you envisage yourself as possessing a sterling vocabulary? I would not say I have a prodigious vocab…but it gets me through the day…and this blog. I’m sure my vocabulary could stand to be augmented, but I think I get my point across. My urban vocab, however……is da bomb diggity fo sho.

There are some of us who have extensive vocabularies…and that would include my friend BillyA. I wonder if that’s because he’s a master at crossword puzzles. The sensei of the puzzle. Hysterically BillyA, (I mean, historically BillyA) has done many crossword puzzles. His vocabulary may have been honed through years of working on crossword puzzles. I’m not sure if you achieve a better vocabulary after working on puzzles….or you work on them because you have a good vocabulary. Which comes first…the chicken or the egg? The headache or the hangover. The crossword puzzle…or the vocabulary?

In my case, I’ m not too proud to say the Thesaurus is a handy tool…a reference book that assists me in replacing elementary words with SAT words. I find the name “Thesaurus”, however, to be an enigma. The Thesaurus sounds like it should be a book about dinosaurs…instead of a synonym reference book. Tyrannosaurus, Stegosaurus, and the Thesaurus.

In case you’re wondering about a few of the colossal words I’ve employed in this blog…I may have referenced the book of dinosaurs. I like utilizing the online Thesaurus…the more recent of the dinosaurs. The Thesaurus helps me sound like I have command of the English language. Without Dino…this blog would read:

My friend BillyA has a good vocab. BillyA is also good at crossword puzzles. When I use the Thesaurus I sound intelligent. The Thesaurus has a name like a dinosaur.

Or

My peep, BillyA, is da masta when it comes to da word. BillyA is da bomb diggity wit da crossword puzzles…fo sho. I’m a poser when I use a thesaurus. Da thesaurus sounds like a dinosaurus.

BIG WORDS…little words…urban words…either way…you get the point.

The Graduate

Brianna graduates later today. I can’t believe it. I really can’t believe it. When Brianna was a baby…I remember thinking ahead…into the future...that Brianna would graduate from high school in TWO THOUSAND AND NINE. The year sounded so strange to me. I remember laughing to myself, thinking 2009 was light years away….a darn eternity. That her graduation day wouldn’t get here anytime soon.

And now it is here. The day our youngest child walks across the stage and receives her diploma. Brianna, The Graduate. My kids will tell you, “Mom always cries.” And they will be right.

I’ll try not to be a big baby. I promise that I’ll be good and not embarrass anyone….but I will cry…happy and sad tears. Happy tears that we have many beautiful memories of Brianna during her school years …and sad tears that those school years are over …and all we have left are the memories.

It’s easy being Brianna, The Graduate’s mother. She makes me look like I know what I’m doing…like I’m Mom of the Year. (Give that mom a raise.) Through Brianna’s school years, I’d go to teacher conferences and the teachers would spend our limited conference time telling me about her wonderful intrinsic qualities. And I would say, “Thank you. That’s nice to hear, but how’s she doing academically?”

When Brianna walks across the stage tonight…I’ll be seeing her move in slow motion. It will be like I’m watching a sequence in a movie…where you see flashbacks from days gone by. And I’ll be happy…I promise. Happy for Brianna as she says goodbye to one chapter…and hello to a new chapter in her life.

I love you Brianna. I am so very proud of you. Congratulations on your graduation.

No Fly ZZZone

Have you heard the buzz about Obama and the fly? Last week President Obama was sitting down for an interview at the White House when a pesky fly was buzzing around his head. What’s a Commander-In-Chief to do?

Catch the fly in his hand and look for an open window to free it? Of course not. Knock that sucker from here to eternity…and say just that, “I got the sucker.” PETA called the fly swatting incident an “execution.” They want Obama to show a little more compassion to even “the least sympathetic animals.”

Maybe insects are technically animals…but I don’t think a flea or gnat are in the same category as say, Duncandog. (Duncandog is at least 2 rungs above a flea…on the ladder of pesky animals.)

PETA is a little too radical for me. Come on, it’s a fly. It’s not like Obama Michael Vick-ed his dog or anything. We’re talking a…nasty, dirty, been riding on some cow’s butt…fly. Does PETA boycott and protest companies that spray insecticides? Is it their mission to have mosquitoes, ants, and cockroaches inherit this Earth?

I think the word “execution” is a pretty strong word to use for Obama’s actions. What’s his punishment? Time in a trashcan with rotting garbage? And what’s the punishment for someone who uses a fly strip that hangs from the ceiling. You know…the sticky strip that traps numerous flies until their eventual demise. Is that considered a mass execution? Would their punishment be…time in the town dump?

To tell you the truth I’m glad our President swatted the damn fly. At least I don’t have to worry about Obama being too soft and that “Obama can’t hurt a fly.”

I was also quite impressed with how fast Obama’s reflexes were and that he was able to get the sucker so quickly. When I go after a fly…I usually break everything around me before I get anywhere near it.

What Obama did to that pesky fly is something we’ve all done. I bet there isn’t a human alive who hasn’t swatted a fly.

Let he who is without flyswatter swat the first fly.

Twitter Blog

I am making today’s blog a twitter…putting it in twitter format. That’s because I don’t have much to say. Just enough for a tweet…which is less than 140 characters. I am sure you wouldn’t mind if I was short and tweet for a change.

By my calculations, if I throw in some dots……and then some more dots…..that doesn’t leave much for actual words. Which is perfect when I am feeling wordless. Here’s my twitter blog:

“Tell your family…tell your peeps…tell your homies...and your homies' peeps: Read Kat’s blog at Katstaleof5.blogspot.com TODAY.”

The above is a typical twitter….short, tweet, and SELF-PROMOTING.
(Hey, it works for Ashton Kutcher.)

Sign My Yearbook

Remember your high school yearbook? Before school let out for the summer we’d pass it around so our friends could sign it. “Stay Sweet.” “I’m going to miss you.” “Never change.” I dug out my senior high school yearbook and took a good look at myself. OMG…who is that person with the dark eyes staring back at me? I think I’ve changed, but I hope I stayed sweet.

And remember the infamous senior quotes underneath your picture? I hope you chose a good one…because it’s the type of thing that comes back to haunt you. Quote: “Life’s a blast.” The Unabomber.

Colinboy had a friend who actually quoted him in his senior yearbook. No kidding. A Colinboy quote smack dab under Alex K.’s senior photo: “Keep it Fresh.” I wonder what Alex’s parents thought when they saw some random quote from some random kid under their son’s picture. Granted, over the years we’ve heard many lines from Colinboy, but I’ve never considered any one of them to live in infamy. But then again, if you check The Book of Famous and Profound Quotes…you will find "Colinboy says", right before “Confucius says.”

Remember Superlatives? Superlatives in a yearbook are always fun. “Most likely to become President: Barack Obama.” “Most likely to be a tramp: Lindsay Lohan.” “Most likely to have a following: Jesus.”

I never received a superlative. “Most likely to not receive a Superlative: Kat.” I was a newbie at my high school. My father was in the Air Force and retired in a small town in Vermont when I was a sophomore. Every kid in the school had known each other since they were toads in kindergarten. But if I were to receive a superlative today, it would probably read: Most likely to write a dull blog: Kat.

Are you familiar with the line from John Mayer’s song “No Such Thing” about high school: I’d like to think the best of me is still hiding up my sleeve? That is such a superlative line because it rings so true. There are definitely those people who peak in high school…and then it’s all downhill from there.

Take one of my high school classmates, Jack. Voted…most successful...most popular…most good-looking. Regular triple threat. Jack got married after college to his high school sweetheart. A few years later…King Jack was a pauper…because he couldn’t hold a job due to his drug addiction. He was 175 pounds overweight…due to his food addiction. He and his wife divorced…due to his sex addiction. Yep…Jack peaked early.

Jack may have peaked too early, but at least he peaked. I’m still hoping to peak...or plateau...and not plummet.

To my blog readers….all 3 of you: “Have a good summer.” “Friends 4-ever.”