Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Cattle Cars

Whenever I fly,
I find it hard not to feel like
herded cattle...

especially when it comes to boarding a plane.



(Granted, that may be an overused understatement,
but every part of it,
is udderly true.)

Loading hundreds of cattle onto "cattle cars" is a colossal process and
  each airline has devised its own system
for getting everyone onboard.

Nevertheless...
 the process can get out of hand ...
especially when some cattle take to
stampeding
and
running each other over.
Moooove out of the way.

Moooove over.



Anywhoooo.....


Recently I flew US Airways

and

as only my
unfortunate,
unfavorable,
untimely
luck
would have it...
I was the recipient of a boarding pass branded ...
"Zone 5."


They might as well have branded my ass with

"Your Ass is Last."

or

"Last Ass onboard."



  I'm not entirely sure of the rhyme or reason...
or method to US Airways' madness 
but
it was as if they contracted mad cow disease,
and went haywire with their reasoning.
I just wasn't sure how I could end up
in the last zone for boarding...
especially since my seat was in row 10...
which I know is in spitball range of
First Class.


At any rate,
 being the considerate cow that I am...
I patiently waited as they made their way through the boarding
cattle call:


Individuals Needing Assistance
Military men and women
First Class
Business Class
Elite/Star Something or Nother Status
Dividend Miles Preferred Access
Zone 1
Zone 2
Families with children 2 and under
Zone 3
Zone 4
Zone 5

By the time they called my Loading Zone
I forgot why I was standing there
chewing my cud.
(Apparently, I should be put out to pasture.) 

Thank goodnes this crew showed a little compassion and
spared the cattle prod they usually use to keep us in line.
(that thing stings.)

Finally when Zone 5 was called

I nonchalantly boarded the plane.

At this point, I figured why start tipping over
the few cows left standing.


As I meandered to my seat...
(dodging the dropped cow pies in the aisle)
I  uddered to the flying cattle already seated...

"Mooocho Thanks 
for waiting for me."


"We should be Moooving any time now."

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Kat,

You're so witty! You're amazing!Your blog always makes me laugh and puts a smile on my face.

FCS

katOUT said...

FCS...Thanks so much for the nice compliments! Just when I think I should pull the plug....haha