The Super Bird, Turkducken

Apparently this Thanksgiving…

I could have had a turkducken.

Instead of a turkey…gobble gooble gooble…

I could have feasted on a turkducken....gobble, quack, cluck.

three birds in one...

Tom Turkey, Donald Duck, and Chicken Little.

If you are familiar with a turkducken, raise your wing.

The turkducken looks like a turkey...on the outside...

but inside....

there are two other birds quacking and clucking to get out.

When I first heard about the Super Bird...

the triple threat of birds...

I cried fowl.

It didn’t fly with me.

The thought of a triple stuffed bird brought on a triple response of...

shock/terror/nausea.

The de-boned chicken...

jammed into a de-boned duck...

rammed into a de-boned turkey...

reminded me of Russian Nesting Dolls, in poultry form.

Anywhooooooooo………

Maybe there are advantages to food combos.

Hmmm...maybe for next Thanksgiving I’ll work on some new side dishes to accompany the turkducken.

I’m thinking of mashed potatoes infused with gravy...grashed potatoes...

or squash cooked inside stuffing...squaffing.

With a turkducken, grashed potatoes and squaffing...

comes fewer dirty dishes.
A Bonus.

Shop 'Til You Drop

THE Season is here.

Shopping Season...

the season that separates the casual shopper from the serious/lunatic shopper.

There are many bargain shoppers who haul ass at the crack of dawn on Black Friday

(pun intended.)

These shoppers have the heart and soul for sales.


And then there are serious/lunatic shoppers who are also in it for the bargains,
but also for the sport and competition.

They are In it to Win it.

This year...the competition started earlier

with some stores opening at 9 and 10 pm on Thanksgiving.

Shoppers who hit stores on Thanksgiving have either had enough of their family...

or determined to bring home the bargain.

Shopping in these circles...aint for the faint of heart.

Between the stampedes and pepper spray ...

you have to be ready for battle.

(gives new meaning to the expression...shop 'til ya drop.)

Anywhooooooooooooo....................

I’m not sure how anyone has the energy to leave the couch for a store on Thanksgiving.

At 9 pm I was just feeling the burn of a tryptophan induced coma couch rub.

The idea of leaving a warm, candle lit house with my family

and entering a cold brick-and-mortar store of steely eyed strangers ready to tangle,

over a tv deal...not appealing.

Besides why not wait until today... cyber Monday....

a day of online shopping deals.

The virtual mall has its advantages...

you don’t have to come face-to-face with the serious/lunatic shoppers.

I’m thinking of becoming a cyber shopper...

or invest in a suit of body armor.

Old school shopping has become way too competitive for this Kat.

License Revoked

Thanksgiving 2011 is over…

another food fest for the history books.

The holiday is officially over when everyone is feeling fat and happy…

and I have put away my Thanksgiving Day folder.

yes, I have a folder where I write down who brought what,
and who ate how much.

(Okay, I may be anal retentive, but I don't want to talk foul when talking turkey.)

Anywhooooooo..….

My license has been revoked.

My OFFICIAL License to Eat

(Don’t worry, I still have the license that allows me to be hell-on-wheels.)

Name: FatKat

Eyes: Bigger than my Stomach

Weight: MYOB

Age: MYOB

My access privileges for carte blanche turkey-out sessions were rescinded...
after numerous rounds ...
'round the buffet.
and after a turkey, stuffing, cranberry sandwich...a couple hours later.

I had hoped I would be granted an extention…
maybe another month through the holidays…
but because I had abused and misused my license during the Thanksgiving holiday…
it was revoked.

Maybe Thanksgiving 2012 will bring a new license...
with extended gluttony privileges.

I never liked my 2011 license pic,
anyway.

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is here. 

Time to give Thanks.

I want to start by saying...

I am so thankful for my AMAZING family

and

end by saying...

I am so thankful for my AMAZING blog readers.

Anywhoooooooo.........................

Let the Carving begin....

Carve the turkey

Carve out room for pie

Carve out time with family

and

Carve out time on the couch

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

NBA Dead Ball

Maybe you haven't noticed...

but the only competition going on in the NBA right now...

is between the owners and the players.

The most court play we've seen as spectators is in the court of law.

Because the players could not come to an agreement with the owners

on recent points....

the players threw up a full court press defense.

Any hope of either side finding a common ground was blocked...

making an agreement far from a layup.

Alas, the NBA LOCKOUT continues.

There was hope for an outside shot...

with maybe an ally oop at the buzzer....

but with the players currently disbanding the union and heading to court...

a compromise is not a slam dunk.

Anywhooooooo............

There has been too much goal tending on both sides.

Everyone is guarding

their own interests without working on an assist to help end the lockout.

They should all stop the dribble....

and meet in the middle...with a jump ball.

Even though both the players and the owners are aggressively busy

transitioning

between offense and defense in a court of law...

fans are still hoping a turnover might be possible.

As far as I see it...

both the owners and players are in foul trouble with their fans.

I'm not really sure what is preventing both sides to rebound

and move forward from the backcourt,

but I'm sure it involves $$$.

I say, end the impasse...

with a give and go

before the entire basketball season is lost.

If I could...

I would give both the players and owners Technicals...

and give the fans

a couple of Free Throws at them both.

Sweet Ransom

Okay, I admit it.

I was caught stealing candy from a baby.

Well…technically, not from a baby, a 10 year old.

And technically we are related.
so I wasn't stealing from a stranger.

Can I help it if my niece had a 2 ton bag of Halloween candy

calling my sweet name…

within arms reach?

While my niece was at school.....

I lifted as many candy bars as I could get my grubby hands on
and stashed them in my purse.

And then I was caught…in the act…by her mom (my sister)…aka Sistersledge.

I explained to Sistersledge…that it was actually good that I was stealing her candy…

think of the dental bills… think of the 4 walls she would be bouncing off.

I not only was saving Sistersledge money, but sanity.

Anywhoooooooo…………

Because Storm Alfred had left us in the dark for days,
there was no trick-or-treating in our neighborhood.

And to add to the tragedy…
I hadn’t previously purchased any candy (normally a wise move).

I had candy on the brain and opportunity in hand.

Clearly I had no choice.......but to....
hold her bag ransom.

(this. could. get. ugly.)

Dear RUNT,

This is a WHATCHAMACALLIT
ransom note.

I advise you to not be a Dum Dum…or an AIR HEAD
so do exactly as I say.

Do not contact any LIFESAVERS.
Zero people can help you,
not even the 3 MUSKETEERS.

When I am GOOD AND PLENTY ready …

you will get your candy back.


Instead of asking for a 100 GRAND,

I’m asking for MOUNDS of your candy...NOW AND LATER.

After you connect all the DOTS…you will get your candy bag back.
You will notice that after I make my SKOR…
your bag will be A LOT lighter.

CHUCKLES,

KIT KAT

(wait, whooooo's the 10 year old?)

Another Time

There are some folks who could have easily survived and thrived during a different era...

another time gone by bye.

That would have been Pilgrim PaulA.

I came to this conclusion while watching PaulA cut down a big tree

with just a hand saw.

As he sawed, sweated, and grunted  (and I sipped ice tea)...

I could easily picture him (minus the ugly black hat and beard)
thriving during the Colonial Period.

Then I thought about those poor saps

who wouldn't have made it through week one of the colonial period.

Ummm...That would have been me.

I NEVER would have thrived.

Maybe I would have survived...barely alive and Oh,so deprived.

Anywhoooo....

I know what I’m talking about….

I have been to Plimoth Plantation and watched how the colonists used to do it.

(you know what i mean.)

A pilgrim’s life was not an easy one.

(yes, sistersludge...that is the original spelling for Plymouth.)

Plimoth Plantation replicates the pilgrim’s life during the 1600's…

and keeps everything true to the time period.

The people you meet are dressed in costume portraying actual residents in daily life…

growing food, making soap, and milking cows.

The day I visited,

someone's cell phone started blowing up.

The blacksmith asked, "What is that ringing sound I'm hearing?

A kid yelled out, "It's a cell phone."

The blacksmith looked puzzled, "Cell phone? What's that?"

So...it's all pretty authentic on Plimoth Plantation...

that is, if later...

you don't catch the blacksmith behind his workshop

on his iPhone calling in his takeout lunch order.

BUSTED...pilgrim dude.

Just Eat It

Do you ever get a hankering…an urge to splurge on fast food? 

You know, Mickey D’s, Burger King, Wendy’s…fart food on the run.

These burger joints usually get a bad rap from health experts.

I suppose you can eat healthy at places like Wendy’s and Ronald’s house.

 They do offer healthy menus that are all about salad and fruit…

but what’s the point in that?

If I wanted to eat healthy, I’d stay home and eat an apple to keep the doctor away.

But whenever I go through the Golden Arches...

I want a Big Mac with just the right amount of special sauce

and fries with artery-clogging saturated grease.

“I'm Lovin' It.”

Anywhoooo......

I guess I’ve been living in a Hoover vacuum.

Somehow I missed the law passed last year requiring restaurant chains

to show the number of calories on their menus.

Apparently Obama rolled that little law in with some others...

kinda like those yummy little pigs rolled in blankets.

Calorie count: 275

I actually saw the new law in action when I was at an Applebees

...in Vermont....the land of granola.

Granola: 500 calories/cup.

The Bruschetta Chicken Salad I was thinking about ordering was 1,100 calories...

"Hmmm....I’ll have the celery stick, please.”

It's hard to ignore the calories next to each entrée.

Even if you want to go for it ...and Just Eat It...

everyone else at the table is privy to your calorie number.

"Oh, so you're having the 1600 calorie dinner?"

So next time you have a hankering...

an urge to splurge...at a chain restaurant...

wear blinders...
go with blind friends...
and

Just Eat It.

ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it

My Hero Turns 80

Today my father is 80 years old. Already.

He must be amazed at how quickly time has flewn…

I know I am.

But when you look back over all the years and life lived…

you see how you get to 80. Already.

My father served in the U.S. Air Force for 20 years…

so we honor him twice…with two holidays…

First on Veteran’s Day, November 11th

followed by

his birthday holiday, November 12th.

My Dad. My Hero.

When you grow up with a cheerful, gregarious, and loving father…

you are the beneficiary of a happy childhood.

I have learned from his example and admire so many of his qualities…

none the least of which

is the virtue of patriotism.

I maybe considered a “military brat”, but if you have to be a brat…

this is probably the best kind.

So today I salute my father…age 80. Already.

U.S. Veteran

Amazing father

Forever.My hero.

 

Anywhooooo……

Happy Birthday, Dad

11-11-11

I've been looking forward to today.

11-11-11

Mainly because I have a connection to the number ELEVEN.

(Why in heaven’s name are there so few words that rhyme with eleven?

 I ask you…Kevin, Devin?)

In college...my connection to the Number 11 was with my digital clock. 

Every time I would check the time...it would have eleven in it.

I’d wake up at 6:11 am…well, maybe not that early.
I'd go to bed at 1:11am...well, maybe not that early.

 

But before that:

The first and last time I won something/anything had to do with the number ELEVEN.

(I was the Number 11 contestant in a Halloween costume contest.  Okay, so I was 11.)

I loved visiting my grandmother's camp…called Number 11.

(a building that previously belonged to the electric company over a raging VT river.)

AND to top it off…

My first born, Chelsea, weighed 7 pounds 11 ounces...
lucky for me she wasn't 11.11.

 

My 11 obsession has become a natural progression.

Anywhooooooo........

Many people (including this Kat) are hoping 11-11-11 is Lucky..............

that's why people…are playing the lottery with the Number 11...

Going to Vegas…and hitting the craps table…come on ELEVEN…

Getting married, hoping to make it at least 11 years and 11 days

and having a child.

(If you are a planner….you were ‘getting busy’ last Valentines Day...

or you’ve planned a c-section for today.

which is such a better birth date than those little devils born five years ago on 6-6-6.)

So enjoy the 11th day of the 11th month of the 11th year.

You would have to stick around for another century to see it again!

So make a BIG wish.

I'm hoping I can time the posting of this blog for exactly

11:11 on 11-11-11…

that will make me one lucky Kat.

And my wish?

MORE blog readers…

At least 11 readers more than the 11

I have now.

ps.  We honor all the Veterans who have served this great country on this memorable Veteran's Day.

What NOT to Eat in Public

There are some foods that are inherently difficult to eat in public places...

especially foods containing the word “sloppy.”

i.e. “The Sloppy Joe”

(It's hard to prevent "loose meat" from landing in your lap.)

Then there are foods that should NEVER be eaten in public...

especially tight quarters....

Any food with garlic

Any food with onion

Any big game...

venison, moose, wild boar (you know who you are)

And...Any garlic and onion flavored big game

But the Number One food I find most awkward eaten in public

....the banana.

I quickly came to this conclusion while sitting in an airport terminal waiting to board a flight.

 In plane view, was a woman eating a banana.

I tried to look away, but my primate side overruled.

Out of the corner of my eye...I watched her every move...
and laughed myself out my tree. 

Anywhooooooo................

If you, yourself, and I...watched ourselves with a banana...

we would all agree...

it should always be done discreetly.

And I SWEAR...on a stack of bananas...

 

After the woman polished off her banana.......

she threw the peel over her shoulder,

picked at her sweater,

and scratched her armpit.

Kardashian/Humphries Wedding: Sham? Shame?

What a shame...
that we fell for the hoopla around Kim Kardashian’s wedding.

What a sham...

Kim's marriage to Kris Humphries lasted only 72 days.

Apparently, they were very long days.

Shame on us for investing any time or thought into the ‘doings’ of the Kardashian family.

Kim and Kris had barely finished toasting their glasses of shammy...

before...bam.

The sham was over.

It’s a crying shame their marriage didn’t last longer than my last hangnail.

I’m not sure what problems the couple encountered.

Maybe Kris spilled something on their BRAND NEW pillow shams.

Kim and Kris should have at least consulted Dr. Phil for marriage advice.

Dr. Phil might have shamed them into another 72 days before ending their sham of a marriage.

Shame on Kim for not giving her marriage more time...

she should walk that ass of hers down

the Walk of Shame.

Anywhooo..................

The duration of Kim and Kris’s marriage is now listed on the celebrity Wall of Shame...

although, Kim's sham marriage is NOT an all-time record.

Britney Spears was once married for 55 HOURS...

which definitely puts everyone else to shame.

Fall Back to Bed

Today we tamper with time.

Daylight Saving Time to Standard Time.

We tamper with both our physical and biological clocks.

Remembering what we do with our physical clock is the easy part....

but adjusting our biological clock is not always easy...

especially in the spring.

In the Spring, we spring ahead an hour and lose a precious hour.

But

In the Fall, we fall back...and grab it back.

woo hoo

Anywhooooo................

As time will have it today...

you’ve got an extra hour.

So what will you do with it?

Be first to hear "Welcome to Walmart" from the Walmart greeter?

Arrive extra early for church to do some extra praying...cuz God knows you need it?

Or maybe the Number One Option:

Fall back to bed and get an extra hour of rest?

Enjoy your bonus hour ...

before today comes to a screeching halt

at 4:32 p.m.
when daylight fades to.....

Down with Power OUTage

If you live in Connecticut....this week you are...

out of power

out of heat

out of hot water

shit out of luck

A winter storm hit our area hard LAST Saturday...

resulting in some bad ass damage...

By bad ass...

I mean trees down,

power lines down,

gas stations down,

Dunkin Donuts down

(oh no)

Bringing spirits down....

Especially for the trick-or-treaters. Boo hooo

Apparently winter storm Alfred... didn’t want to be out done by girly Hurricane Irene...

so he flexed his muscle.

We felt his one-two hit when PaulA and I were flying back from a Big Chill Thrill vacation in Florida ...

we could only get as far as Baltimore.

So there we stayed...

two nights in Baltimore.

So what do you do when you’re stuck in Baltimore?

Duh...

watch the Ravens and get crabs. (You know what I mean.)

It was perfect...it fit our crabby moods.

48 hours later...we were driving home from the airport...

risking life and limb under tree limbs...arriving to a 43 degree house.

(baby, it’s cold inside.)

So what do you do when the going gets tough?

Duh...

you guessed it...you get going.

PaulA on a business trip...

and me?

over the river and through the woods to Mommy and Daddy’s house in Vermont I go.

Where else can you pull in to a nice dinner and vino waiting...

your bed turned down....

and coffee ready for you when you wake up in the morning?

Anywhooooo......

It’s Day Five of NO power back in CT...

but alas,

the accommodations at this here joint are working for me.

I’ve got my feet up...

laptop up...

and spirits up.

Things are definitely looking up!

The power may be OUT....

but that never stops katOUT

11-1-11

11-1-11

(Isn't this the coolest?)


Make a Wish...

Remembering to say rabbit, rabbit, rabbit for good luck 

especially this special First of the Month....

works better than carrying a rabbit's foot in your pocket.

So in keeping with the day-after-Halloween theme...here's to some more

SCARY good luck.....

rabbit

rabbit

rabbit