I Hate Flying

“Hey Dad, Betty and I are on the plane headed back to Cali for ni A. Gonna miss my Dunkin Donuts. Did you eat that jelly doughnut? I have 2 donuts with me. “

It’s amazing how some people don’t realize how LOUD they are when they are talking on their cell phone.

Here I am…seated by the window on AA Flight 205 with my seat belt on. Phone off. Seat and table in an upright position. Ready for take-off. I obey all the rules. For some reason the guy in seat 16 F likes to talk OUT LOUD about his donuts. Doesn’t he know you shouldn’t talk about his donuts in public? Didn’t his mom teach him nothin’? I hate flying.

There’s a man in my row sitting in the aisle seat…the middle seat is open between us. So I’m waiting. Waiting and wondering…what Tom, Dick or Harriet I’m gonna have to bump elbows and asses with.

I’m checking out each Frequent Flyer as they walk down the aisle looking for their seat…hoping the middle seat next to me remains open. 3 people getting closer. Oh no, a woman carrying a CRYING baby boy in p.j.s …footy ones (or is that feety ones?) Whew…crying baby and mom parked themselves 4 rows up on the right. So far the middle seat is still open. Who’s coming now? I hate flying.

The man in my row picked up the complimentary flight magazine and proceeded to sneeze into it. Note to self: never touch flight magazines…that’s where people do their sneezing. I hate flying.

My nose is burning from the stinking sandwich the man behind me has just unwrapped. Whoa dude…you gonna eat something that smells that bad? I hate flying.

Finally, the plane is moving for take-off. Yes. Cali for ni A …Here I come! As we approach the runway…ALL electrical power goes out. The plane comes to a sudden STOP. I hate flying.

Between all the donut talking, sneezing, crying, stinking…and malfunctioning….I’m looking for the nearest EXIT…to exit.

I hate flying.