Happy Halloween Witches...and Warlocks

Question:  

How old is too old to go out

 trick-or-treating?

My Answer:  

If you are asking yourself, 
"Am I too old?"
then yeah, 
probably best to wash your pillow case
and put it back on your bed.

But

and mine is a big 

BUTT

if you are expecting to get candy out of this Kat…

make sure you wear a costume.

For any trick-or-treater posers out there…

a baseball cap isn't a costume.

I've seen goth teenagers walking around in 

broad daylight

who look more ready for Halloween.

Oh, and also say

"Trick-or-treat" 
when I answer the door.

Otherwise, you are just a cute little beggar. 

This, by far, is the perfect age for trick-or-treating...

except the smiley guy with the 5 o'clock shadow.

Anywhoooo……

The past few years I've dressed to answer the door.

Not that I normally show up naked.

There was this Halloween...

when I dressed as a beauty pageant ‘Miss.’ 

I donned an ole bridesmaid gown, heels, a handmade sash 

and then 

smudged eye makeup and lipstick 

across my face.

My sash reads: “Miss Applied”.  

Get it? 

(The little goblins surely didn't get it, 

but their parents sorely did.)

I think PaulA was the Matrix that year.

His costume always starts off with his college graduation gown.

(His college graduation is paying off in spades.)

Over the years he's dressed as a, 

nun, priest, ninja, Dracula, Bono...
the possibilities are endless.

This year I will wear the costume that is 

my fury fall back....

the Kitty Kat.  

Simple, 

easy 

and litterly
appropriate.

Meow

Peeved Off

We all have 
gripes,
groans and
grumbles over

annoyances that

get our panties in a wad,

peeve us off

or 
peeve our wadded panties.

Anywhooooo.........

Here are a few of mine...
but only a few. 
I don't want to go all negative Nancy on you.
(sorry if your name is Nancy.)

****************

The fact that I know anything about 

Ariana Grande's love life.

A bad red wine stain on my rug.

A stain of bad red wine on my  rug.

A friend suggestion from Facebook of someone I don't know.

A friend suggestion by Facebook of someone I do know.

Having someone tailgate me while I’m going the speed limit.

Having to tailgate someone going the speed limit.

Realizing I have 11 seasons of episodes to get current 

with Grey's Anatomy...a mere 99 shows.

Finding my DVR at 95% usage with recurring saved shows of 

Big Brother, The Bachelor, and Bachelor in Paradise.

(ummm....Chelsea😜)

Having to watch Peaky Blinders in subtitles 

to understand their Birmingham (not talking Alabama)

accent.

A cell phone battery that doesn't charge.

Getting charged for a new cell phone battery.

Being 6 quarters away from Free Shipping.

When a very Tall person arrives late at a movie theatre
and sits directly in front of me.

When someone's phone rings during mass.

When the Priest's phone rings during mass.
(seriously happened)

Unhelpful customer service people who ask me

“Is there anything else I can help you with?

Receiving a butt call.

Sending a butt call.

 Any glitch with my 
cell phone, laptop and Kuerig.

Married women in boyfriend jeans.😉

Boyfriends in married women jeans.

Needing readers to read my laptop screen.

Needing readers to read anything.

Referring to yourself in the third person...
like Elmo.
(Uh oh, that would be this Kat.)

Just My Type

I found this gem of all gems when we moved 

buried under other relics in our basement.

In case you are Gen Z and haven’t seen one before…

it’s an electric typewriter.

And not just any typewriter…

an IBM Selectric,

a high school graduation gift to me from my grandmother.

This typewriter 
was state of the art technology for the time
with its ink cartridge AND white-out tape cartridge.

So should I make a typo?…

who mua?

No problem.  

I could fix the mistake in just 5 easy steps…
Simply

remove the black ink cartridge,

insert the whiteout cartridge,

type over the mistake to blank it out,

put the black ink cartridge in, 

go back and type over it. 

It was 
Far Out
Right On
Off the hook technology 

or

for you Gen Zers
it was

Boom 

Drop the Mic

ingenious technology.

I remember thinking….

what could possibly be better than this?  

A "g could be an "r" 

in just 5 simple steps. 

So off "we" went to The University of Vermont….

me and my electric typewriter.

Hand in….qwerty

where I quickly put it to good use... 

not just for typing my own papers

but

I used it to make some fast cash typing other kids’ papers. 

I posted an index card advertising my extreme typing skills on the dorm bulletin board and 
my dorm phone phone rang off the wall…

yes wall.

I found that most kids would rather spend their time chugging beers 

than typing term papers.

My charge = $1 per page.  

The cash I earned from typing papers was a windfall  …

especially on Monday nights at  the Last Chance Saloon in Burlington VT…

where beers were a quarter. 

1 typed page = 1 buck = 4 beers = 

1 zig zag walk home

I also typed PaulA’s papers at UVM but didn’t ask him for cash...

I gave him the boyfriend discount.

My services were basically free.

Just as long as PaulA agreed to 

date me, 

marry me and 

give me 3 kids…

there would be no charge.

Anywhoooo.....

I pulled my electric typewriter out of the basement rubble…

wondering if it would work again.

I brought it upstairs, opened the big black case, 

pulled the typewriter out and plugged it in.  

It started right up with a loud  

hummmmmmm….  

Then I pressed a couple of keys and 

amazingly

the ink cartridge actually worked.   

My typewriter was probably wondering where I had been all these years.

After all, we were old friends  and it had bought me 

many a beer.

Apparently I can still get the ink cartridges online…

which I plan on doing 

so

 I can be transported back in time.

Back to the good ole days….

when a typewriter could get me 

4 beers for a buck…

and the man of my dreams.

"I Do" it All Over Again

38 years ago today…

standing before God, 

our family and friends…

PaulA and I said 

"I DO."

And it was the easiest, 

surest 2 words I've ever spoken.

There was no stumbling or mumbling…

No

I  boo, I coo, I foo.

achooo

Just a solid

"I DO."

And it was...

"Something so right."
(Hence my fav Barbara Streisand song 

solidly inscribed in our wedding bands.)

and 

"I Do"

it all over and over again.

So all those years ago...

was it written in the stars that our paths would cross at UVM?  

Was there a higher power at work...

maybe a kismet colossal big bang theory?

Or 

then again,

maybe it was a

 a Samuel L. Jackson voice from above 

telling PaulA to transfer schools...

"go to groovy UV young man,

where you will learn to ski, 

drink yards of beer, 

and meet a chick."

(It was the late 70's, after all.)

Anywhoooo.....

Life can not always be rainbows, 

unicorns and 

sickening sweet candy corn...

but when it comes to lovin' 

PaulA 

for 38 years...

it is easy 

as cake.

I sure picked a great guy

38 years ago...

who knew I was that smart?