“Be careful with your cell phone because I am not buying insurance for it.” That’s the warning I give my kids when they get a new cell phone. So what did I do with mine? I pulled a Chelsea…which is affectionately known as ruining anything electronic. Between laptops, cell phones, cameras, and iPods ….we have a sizable investment in Best Buy.
My phone catastrophe occurred when I was performing the glamorous job of cleaning the throne. I bent over…just far enough for it to come sliding out of my slippery puffy vest. I sound attractive don’t I! I don’t usually don’t put that much elbow into the scrubbing of toilets (or any elbow), but my parents were coming for a night and I wanted the throne to sparkle. After all they are the Queen Mum and King Jerry.
The phone fell so quickly there was no catching it in mid-air before it landed in the bottom of the toilet. It couldn’t have been there 2 seconds before I pulled it back out. (I don’t usually go around sticking my hand in toilet water…although I have put toilet water behind my ears.) But sure enough, my crappy phone didn’t survive the toilet dive.
As soon as I realized I was without my cell, I felt like I had been stranded in some remote part of the world …air lifted and just dropped. No contact with humans. How could I be reached? What if Big C tried to call me? (I wonder if my recorded voice message now sounded warbled?)
So I took a trip to Verizon Wireless and told the phone expert that my phone was no longer working because I dropped it in some water. Well hello…I surely wasn’t going to tell the guy exactly where it had been. That would have been TMI. Sometimes TMI is just not a good thing. He might not have looked into my problem…let alone touch my phone.
After examining it, he said something about “it got wet…you have no insurance.” No shit Sherlock (No pun intended). And something about “pay full-price.” After which, I gave him the song and dance – Beyonce Style (just kidding…don’t worry folks) and told him to look up what an amazing customer I was…especially with the 3 leeches that are on my monthly account. So he cut me a break. It’s amazing what paying your bills and 3 lovable leeches on your account will do for you!
It’s a good thing he cooperated…and didn’t charge me full price. Otherwise I would have acted really juvenile and said, ”Dude…you know that phone you just had up to your face…it’s been in my toilet.”
Friday, April 10, 2009
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Camp Goof-Off
Kids today are so busy……they need a schedule to schedule their schedules. They may be more accomplished at younger ages than we were, but I feel sorry for them. I think they are missing out on having down time. Time unscheduled…time to be a kid.
Today if kids have down time…even an hour between activities suddenly they are bored. And can you blame them? Everything is instant…IM, text message, DVR, On Demand…Mommy on demand.
As a kid, I had lots of down time especially in the summer. A summer seemed like an entire year onto itself. Heck a day, felt like a week…..
During summers we would stay at the camp my Grandmother owned on 100 acres in Vermont with our cousins. Camp consisted of two log cabins, a bunkhouse log cabin, an outhouse…no electricity, and no running water.
Playing outside all day…was our job. And we took our job seriously. We’d pack our lunch and head for the hills….which was easy…cuz we were already there. On warm days we’d spend hours stone stepping through a brook…jumping from rock to rock until we’d get the lunch call for bug juice and sandwiches…pb and j, pb and marshmallow, deviled ham, olive loaf (no thanks!) We’d drink water that collected in a tub from a natural spring. We’d play horseshoes or watch our uncles play…who impressed us with their “throwing” skills.
We’d have camp fires…and run around at night catching fire fires and playing vampires. We’d listen to our aunts and uncles in the main cabin play cards, sing and tell jokes. We’d get rides on an old jeep up to the top of mountain. We’d pick apples…or crab apples and come down with an occasional belly ache. We’d take off on a hike with our supplies…climb trees, carve our names in trees, cut down trees, make log cabins, run through ferns as tall as us…and play hide and seek in them. We’d have running races and high-jump contests. We’d walk to the Girl Scout Camp down the road and swim (and sometimes bathe) in their pond (when they weren’t there.) And so much more…
What stands out the most….is not once did I mention a phone, computer, iPod, radio or television. Those were the days.
When Colinboy was in middle school we signed him up for a YMCA camp…two weeks on a lake….where he would swim, play games (that were not electronic), live in a bunkhouse …just like my good ole days. A neighbor asked me what our kids were doing for the summer and when I mentioned that Colinboy was going to a YMCA camp…he said, “Oh, a goof-off camp.” He wasn’t impressed…it wasn’t a basketball, baseball, foreign language, or a computer camp.
Colinboy LOVED Camp “Goof-off”….and I loved having him enjoy a taste of the type of summer I experienced…when I was a goof-off.
Today if kids have down time…even an hour between activities suddenly they are bored. And can you blame them? Everything is instant…IM, text message, DVR, On Demand…Mommy on demand.
As a kid, I had lots of down time especially in the summer. A summer seemed like an entire year onto itself. Heck a day, felt like a week…..
During summers we would stay at the camp my Grandmother owned on 100 acres in Vermont with our cousins. Camp consisted of two log cabins, a bunkhouse log cabin, an outhouse…no electricity, and no running water.
Playing outside all day…was our job. And we took our job seriously. We’d pack our lunch and head for the hills….which was easy…cuz we were already there. On warm days we’d spend hours stone stepping through a brook…jumping from rock to rock until we’d get the lunch call for bug juice and sandwiches…pb and j, pb and marshmallow, deviled ham, olive loaf (no thanks!) We’d drink water that collected in a tub from a natural spring. We’d play horseshoes or watch our uncles play…who impressed us with their “throwing” skills.
We’d have camp fires…and run around at night catching fire fires and playing vampires. We’d listen to our aunts and uncles in the main cabin play cards, sing and tell jokes. We’d get rides on an old jeep up to the top of mountain. We’d pick apples…or crab apples and come down with an occasional belly ache. We’d take off on a hike with our supplies…climb trees, carve our names in trees, cut down trees, make log cabins, run through ferns as tall as us…and play hide and seek in them. We’d have running races and high-jump contests. We’d walk to the Girl Scout Camp down the road and swim (and sometimes bathe) in their pond (when they weren’t there.) And so much more…
What stands out the most….is not once did I mention a phone, computer, iPod, radio or television. Those were the days.
When Colinboy was in middle school we signed him up for a YMCA camp…two weeks on a lake….where he would swim, play games (that were not electronic), live in a bunkhouse …just like my good ole days. A neighbor asked me what our kids were doing for the summer and when I mentioned that Colinboy was going to a YMCA camp…he said, “Oh, a goof-off camp.” He wasn’t impressed…it wasn’t a basketball, baseball, foreign language, or a computer camp.
Colinboy LOVED Camp “Goof-off”….and I loved having him enjoy a taste of the type of summer I experienced…when I was a goof-off.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
A Pirate's Life for Me
After recently reading about the discovery of sunken treasure of coins and artifacts worth a half a billion dollars, I remembered a story a friend of mine once told me about her son’s girlfriend. My friend made the mistake of asking the girlfriend what she wanted to do (with her life). The girl matter of factly replied, "I want to be a PIRATE." So how do you respond to that? “Sorry Matey…the ship has left without you. You are one poop short of a full deck.”
Hmmm… I was wondering what the girl found so appealing about a pirate's life. Was it living on the seas and sailing around the world to distant places? Was it commandeering other ships, ransacking them, and stealing their gold and silver coins? Was it making someone walk the gangplank as you nudged them along with your sword? Not doing it for me. Intimidation on the gangplank does sound like fun…but did someone say “seasick?”
Was it the pirate’s wardrobe that got her cannon-balled over…the tri-cornered hat, bandana, puffy shirt (worked for Jerry Seinfeld), sash, big boots, and gold teeth? The attractive eye patch…which draws attention to your better eye? Oh, probably the wooden leg …extra space to hold your rum. And the gold hoop earrings. I like the idea of matching gold jewelry in my mouth and ears…but did someone say “hat head?”
Maybe it’s the way pirates talk… "Ahoy there Matey. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. Arrrr….It’s Ye captain, me buckos.” I like calling people buckos and calling for rum…but did someone say “Mutiny…feed the fish some Kat!?”
If I think outside the ship box…maybe I can understand why she would want to be a pirate. I can see the romanticism of the pirate's life on the high seas back in the day. Way better than working at a sendentary stationary desk, but I just hope she was talking about the pirates of long ago…and not the pirates of today. Today’s pirates use speed boats, machine guns, GPS systems and cell phones…and would be called "hoodlums of the sea."
I’m just hoping she was talking about the ole school Jolly Roger pirates…. Did someone say “whack job?”
Hmmm… I was wondering what the girl found so appealing about a pirate's life. Was it living on the seas and sailing around the world to distant places? Was it commandeering other ships, ransacking them, and stealing their gold and silver coins? Was it making someone walk the gangplank as you nudged them along with your sword? Not doing it for me. Intimidation on the gangplank does sound like fun…but did someone say “seasick?”
Was it the pirate’s wardrobe that got her cannon-balled over…the tri-cornered hat, bandana, puffy shirt (worked for Jerry Seinfeld), sash, big boots, and gold teeth? The attractive eye patch…which draws attention to your better eye? Oh, probably the wooden leg …extra space to hold your rum. And the gold hoop earrings. I like the idea of matching gold jewelry in my mouth and ears…but did someone say “hat head?”
Maybe it’s the way pirates talk… "Ahoy there Matey. Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. Arrrr….It’s Ye captain, me buckos.” I like calling people buckos and calling for rum…but did someone say “Mutiny…feed the fish some Kat!?”
If I think outside the ship box…maybe I can understand why she would want to be a pirate. I can see the romanticism of the pirate's life on the high seas back in the day. Way better than working at a sendentary stationary desk, but I just hope she was talking about the pirates of long ago…and not the pirates of today. Today’s pirates use speed boats, machine guns, GPS systems and cell phones…and would be called "hoodlums of the sea."
I’m just hoping she was talking about the ole school Jolly Roger pirates…. Did someone say “whack job?”
Monday, April 6, 2009
Fit for a Queen
The President and Michelle Obama recently made their first trip to England to visit the Queen Mum. It is customary to bring a gift worthy to bestow on her highness...when you go abroad to visit the broad. I mean, her majesty. And as I’m sure you’ve heard by now, Obama gave the Queen Mum an iPod. iLaugh at that. But iKnow the Apple people are smiling.
An iPod is an interesting gift to give a Queen…let alone a woman who is how old? 150? Okay…82. I know one thing, my parents are only in their 70’s…and they can barely figure out their cell phone…let alone an iPod. Sometimes when I call their cell…they answer…but don’t realize they have answered, so I hear them talking to each other in the background. "Jerr…push the button.” “I think I did, Ally.”
I guess Obama was having trouble coming up with the perfect hostess gift. I know it can be tricky coming up with a clever gift. Plus she already has a palace and extra plush towels…what else could he possibly give that would be fit for a queen. I know when I go to someone’s house…I’m thinking…should I bring the customary bottle of wine (Oh, what a nice surprise!) or something less obvious? iThink the iPod as a gift for the Queen was the equivalent of giving the royal couple…his and her matching thongs.
So the question is: Will she use it? Or will it end up in the royal rubbish? A Poll on AOL said that 80 percent of the people think she won’t use it. I am a part of that 80%...(Do you do those polls online??) Frankly, I don’t see it happening. I just find it hard picturing the Queen with ear buds.
Granted, Obama gave the Queen an iPod that was preloaded, so she won’t have to figure that out. But he also loaded television footage of himself. Who wants to watch old footage that can be seen on CNN...bring on U2. It is interesting his gift was also about him. But then again, the Queen gave the Obama’s an autographed picture of herself. That’s it…my next hostess gift will be an autographed printed copy of one of blogs.
I suppose I could have this iPod thing all wrong…I might not know what goes on behind Palace doors. Maybe Queen Elizabeth is more tech savvy then I give her credit for and will use the iPod.
Maybe when no one’s looking…she’s hiding in one of the drawing rooms in Buckingham Palace … surfing the net…and going on Facebook under an alias: Queeney. I’m gonna keep my eyes out for her…so I can friend her, poke her, and write on her wall: Kat was here.
An iPod is an interesting gift to give a Queen…let alone a woman who is how old? 150? Okay…82. I know one thing, my parents are only in their 70’s…and they can barely figure out their cell phone…let alone an iPod. Sometimes when I call their cell…they answer…but don’t realize they have answered, so I hear them talking to each other in the background. "Jerr…push the button.” “I think I did, Ally.”
I guess Obama was having trouble coming up with the perfect hostess gift. I know it can be tricky coming up with a clever gift. Plus she already has a palace and extra plush towels…what else could he possibly give that would be fit for a queen. I know when I go to someone’s house…I’m thinking…should I bring the customary bottle of wine (Oh, what a nice surprise!) or something less obvious? iThink the iPod as a gift for the Queen was the equivalent of giving the royal couple…his and her matching thongs.
So the question is: Will she use it? Or will it end up in the royal rubbish? A Poll on AOL said that 80 percent of the people think she won’t use it. I am a part of that 80%...(Do you do those polls online??) Frankly, I don’t see it happening. I just find it hard picturing the Queen with ear buds.
Granted, Obama gave the Queen an iPod that was preloaded, so she won’t have to figure that out. But he also loaded television footage of himself. Who wants to watch old footage that can be seen on CNN...bring on U2. It is interesting his gift was also about him. But then again, the Queen gave the Obama’s an autographed picture of herself. That’s it…my next hostess gift will be an autographed printed copy of one of blogs.
I suppose I could have this iPod thing all wrong…I might not know what goes on behind Palace doors. Maybe Queen Elizabeth is more tech savvy then I give her credit for and will use the iPod.
Maybe when no one’s looking…she’s hiding in one of the drawing rooms in Buckingham Palace … surfing the net…and going on Facebook under an alias: Queeney. I’m gonna keep my eyes out for her…so I can friend her, poke her, and write on her wall: Kat was here.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Google Your Name
Have you ever googled your own name? I have….and I don’t think I’m the only one who has done this. Uninteresting enough, I didn’t find ME…the real Kat in google print…only a copyKat. Even with having a blog, I wasn’t listed in Google. But that’s probably because I never use my first and last name together. Heck, I have to protect myself…you never know what lurks…below the blog….ahhhhhhhhhhh.
Anyway, the copyKat listed in Google …was in a newspaper article for doing something nice…a good Samaritan Kat. See how that works for me? Others might read about the copyKat and think she was me….I could get props.
The article mentioned that: One day copyKat was shopping. (So far that sounds like me. People would definitely believe that.) And copyKat was in a dressing room (hey, I go in dressing rooms) when she found a wad of bills with a $50 on top and a $100 underneath. So what did copyKat do? (I like to keep the reader involved with questions.)
CopyKat turned the money into the sales lady (umm…Any similarity ended right there. Not because Mama needs a new pair of shoes… but because I wouldn’t trust the sales lady. Which explains my maiden name, Thomas…Kat Doubting Thomas.) The money was returned to the woman who lost it. But the story doesn’t end there.
For being such a good Samaritan, the sales lady then gave copyKat a promotional box of mints from the store with a chance at a winning ticket. Turns out, copyKat had the winning ticket for $10,000 DOLLARS in her box. Saweet. What a happy ending... I liked that ALMOST as much as the Happy Ending I had at Friendly’s the other day.
So why don’t you Google your own name. You might find that you, too, are a lucky good Samaritan...or a not-so-lucky creep, wanted for a string of petty crimes throughout the southeast.
Anyway, the copyKat listed in Google …was in a newspaper article for doing something nice…a good Samaritan Kat. See how that works for me? Others might read about the copyKat and think she was me….I could get props.
The article mentioned that: One day copyKat was shopping. (So far that sounds like me. People would definitely believe that.) And copyKat was in a dressing room (hey, I go in dressing rooms) when she found a wad of bills with a $50 on top and a $100 underneath. So what did copyKat do? (I like to keep the reader involved with questions.)
CopyKat turned the money into the sales lady (umm…Any similarity ended right there. Not because Mama needs a new pair of shoes… but because I wouldn’t trust the sales lady. Which explains my maiden name, Thomas…Kat Doubting Thomas.) The money was returned to the woman who lost it. But the story doesn’t end there.
For being such a good Samaritan, the sales lady then gave copyKat a promotional box of mints from the store with a chance at a winning ticket. Turns out, copyKat had the winning ticket for $10,000 DOLLARS in her box. Saweet. What a happy ending... I liked that ALMOST as much as the Happy Ending I had at Friendly’s the other day.
So why don’t you Google your own name. You might find that you, too, are a lucky good Samaritan...or a not-so-lucky creep, wanted for a string of petty crimes throughout the southeast.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Traveling
Every now and then, there's an idea that makes good sense…like seat belts and soft-serve ice cream. Brilliant. I have read that some airports have revamped their security check-through process. Allelulia. The traveler, however, still has to go through the same hell of undressing and redressing in a public place…but the process is run a little differently. I think the idea makes good sense:
The TSA in some airports have set up lanes according to 3 different types of travelers. They are set up like a ski mountain…where slopes are designated as either expert, intermediate, or beginner.
So the expert lane is for the experienced frequent traveler…the business traveler. The intermediate lane is for the casual traveler…those who need a little more time than the frequent flyer. And the blue lane is for families with children and those with special needs requiring assistance.
When I first heard about it…I thought…damn good idea. That’s until I remembered what skiing is like. Will the traveler really stick to the lane he belongs in?
When I’ve skied, it is amazing how many times I’ve seen someone on a black diamond slope who has no business being there…someone totally out of control. Okay, that was me. But that wasn’t my fault. There is always someone who wants to get you out on an expert slope, just to see what happens to you…just for giggles.
I can see the exact same thing happening in the airport. Some chucklehead thinks he’s an experienced flyer because he once flew on a plane to Toledo. He doesn’t understand why he can’t be in the fast lane. So he maneuvers his way over to the frequent flyer lane. And holds everybody up. The people behind him are not giggling.
Then again, there is the black diamond skier, who can handle the expert slope, has every right to be there…but is a total menace to those around him. He is skiing as fast as he can….in-between people, trees, and trail repairs. He is flying off jumps and skiing like crazy through moguls...on the other skiers’ last nerve.
I would say, that’s the same as the business frequent flyer who gets in the fast lane he belongs in, but ends up taking forever to get through the security process…because he has to unload a laptop, a PDA, a cell phone, a blackberry, belt, tie-shoes, and his carry-on suit case...on the other flyers’ last nerve.
That’s when the family lane is looking good….no carry-on suitcases, laptops or PDAs…instead elastic pants….and Velcro shoes.
The TSA in some airports have set up lanes according to 3 different types of travelers. They are set up like a ski mountain…where slopes are designated as either expert, intermediate, or beginner.
So the expert lane is for the experienced frequent traveler…the business traveler. The intermediate lane is for the casual traveler…those who need a little more time than the frequent flyer. And the blue lane is for families with children and those with special needs requiring assistance.
When I first heard about it…I thought…damn good idea. That’s until I remembered what skiing is like. Will the traveler really stick to the lane he belongs in?
When I’ve skied, it is amazing how many times I’ve seen someone on a black diamond slope who has no business being there…someone totally out of control. Okay, that was me. But that wasn’t my fault. There is always someone who wants to get you out on an expert slope, just to see what happens to you…just for giggles.
I can see the exact same thing happening in the airport. Some chucklehead thinks he’s an experienced flyer because he once flew on a plane to Toledo. He doesn’t understand why he can’t be in the fast lane. So he maneuvers his way over to the frequent flyer lane. And holds everybody up. The people behind him are not giggling.
Then again, there is the black diamond skier, who can handle the expert slope, has every right to be there…but is a total menace to those around him. He is skiing as fast as he can….in-between people, trees, and trail repairs. He is flying off jumps and skiing like crazy through moguls...on the other skiers’ last nerve.
I would say, that’s the same as the business frequent flyer who gets in the fast lane he belongs in, but ends up taking forever to get through the security process…because he has to unload a laptop, a PDA, a cell phone, a blackberry, belt, tie-shoes, and his carry-on suit case...on the other flyers’ last nerve.
That’s when the family lane is looking good….no carry-on suitcases, laptops or PDAs…instead elastic pants….and Velcro shoes.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Reply To All
You often hear stories about the trouble people have gotten themselves into with emails. They’ve written something that is intended to be read by one person… but when they hit send…they hit “Reply to All” …whoops. Or there is a person on CC that you didn’t realize was there. The email was meant to be a “For your eyes only” email…PRIVATE – KEEP OUT…but now there are 8 eyes viewing.
That’s a BIG problem. Now Betty knows how you really feel about her new hairstyle. You told her to her face…that it flatters her face…brought out her eyes. But now she will find out that was total bull…you really think she looks like a buffoon.
I got a text once from Big C that made absolutely no sense to me. So I texted her back “huh?” and she texted back again: “Sorry that was for someone else.” I’ve heard of calling a wrong number, but now we have to worry about texting a wrong number.
Another thing to watch out for is with the cell phone. Sometimes you really haven’t totally disconnected and ended your phone call. And you swear you just heard someone mumble “buffoon” under their breath. Or your phone is in your pocket or purse and it accidently speed dials someone. Bri…did that to me the other day. I couldn’t make out what was really going on when I answered…but I could hear more than one person talking. I have a feeling there were numerous adolescent buffoons there.
So be careful…all this technology can get you in real trouble. But today, of all days...you can get a free pass that will get you off the hook if you accidently call someone a buffoon…. “Just say April Fools.” Tomorrow you are on your own.
That’s a BIG problem. Now Betty knows how you really feel about her new hairstyle. You told her to her face…that it flatters her face…brought out her eyes. But now she will find out that was total bull…you really think she looks like a buffoon.
I got a text once from Big C that made absolutely no sense to me. So I texted her back “huh?” and she texted back again: “Sorry that was for someone else.” I’ve heard of calling a wrong number, but now we have to worry about texting a wrong number.
Another thing to watch out for is with the cell phone. Sometimes you really haven’t totally disconnected and ended your phone call. And you swear you just heard someone mumble “buffoon” under their breath. Or your phone is in your pocket or purse and it accidently speed dials someone. Bri…did that to me the other day. I couldn’t make out what was really going on when I answered…but I could hear more than one person talking. I have a feeling there were numerous adolescent buffoons there.
So be careful…all this technology can get you in real trouble. But today, of all days...you can get a free pass that will get you off the hook if you accidently call someone a buffoon…. “Just say April Fools.” Tomorrow you are on your own.
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