Happy Birthday to ME

I don’t mind singing “Happy Birthday to YOU”…

but singing "Happy Birthday to ME"

bites...

 

It's so much more fun…funner…

when other people turn old.

I remember when I was young…

I used to think people who are my age right now were ancient.

Now these oldies are my homies, my cronies, my peeps…

get down tonight.

Today my birthday forecast is for light rain….no worries…

I refuse to let it rain on my PARADE.

and

my birthday horocope is for love, riches, and massive number of  blog readers…

The best thing about having a birthday is hearing from everyone.

Now with Facebook, Twitter, text, email, and voicemail…

it is rare to get a card in the mail...

although ancient Kat still likes occasional snail mail.

I did get a call from a man (George Something) at a car dealership I bought our car from last fall,

wishing me a "Happy Birthday!"

(So touching, makes me want to run out and buy another car.)

Anywhoooo…………..

Here’s a sobering thought…

When you have a birthday…you really are in the next year of your life.

When you are born…you are not 1…

but 1day…then… 1 month, 2 months, 3 months…

until you turn 1.

Alas…when you turn 20…

you are in your 21st year.

(Although I wouldn’t try that line of reasoning, Wishy, until next June.)

It’s probably a good thing we stop counting months at age 2….

Otherwise, YIKES….

This Kat would be 1000+ months…

too many months to count!

Rooney's Rant Retires

Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick

The “tick” I’m referring to is the sound of Andy Rooney’s final minutes
on 60 Minutes.

Did you happen to see Andy Rooney's final piece/last gasp?

Andy's last hurrah, for me,
felt more like...hooray.”

I admit, I have mixed feelings about Andy’s departure.

The traditionalist in me will miss the curmudgeon
we've all grown accustomed to seeing every Sunday evening.
But, the scoffer in me will NOT miss his weekly RANT.

You think Oscar the Grouch lives on Sesame Street?
I swear there is a trash can outside the 60 Minutes studio with the words:
“Andy the Grouch Lives Here. Don’t Make Me Flip My Lid.”

His segment... “A Few minutes with Andy Rooney”
was like sitting down with a crotchety, cantankerous, crabby not-so great grandfather.
At 93, it probably was about time Andy retired.
 I think anyone at age 93, working their day job, should be forced into a time out.

Anywhoooooo......

Andy Rooney has had a dream job for 30+ years.
Who wouldn’t want a job where you could spew and spout for 3 minutes
about anyone and anything that gets under your skin?

Heck, hire me for the dream job.
We’ll call it “A Few Minutes in Kat’s Krappy Korner.”

I already have my first commentary ready.
Here is goes.....

“You know what bothers me?
Old guys with wild and unruly eyebrows.
Take Andy Rooney’s bushy eyebrows. (Please)

Why did we have to look at those white squirrels for eyebrows, all those years?
 I found them very distracting; scampering above his eyes.
There had to be a stylist at 60 Minutes
who could have
tamed them and shaped them into something smaller...
maybe a couple of cute chipmunks.

Tick Tick Tick Tick Tick

Wait, is that the sound of my commentary...

about to bomb?

Thank You Christopher Columbus

If you have today off from work or school...you have Christopher Columbus to thank.

School kids everywhere are doing a

hap, hap, happy dance

for their extra long weekend.

We all remember the story of Christopher Columbus,

the man considered to be the discoverer of America.

Who could forget the rhyme that was drilled into our heads as elementary kids?

“In 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue.”

But elementary kids should also understand that when the Nina, Pinta, and Santa Maria came ashore

to what is now the Bahamas

there were thousands of inhabitants already on the island...

welcoming Columbus,

like a Walmart greeter:


 

“Hi, Welcome to the Bahamas, mon.

How may I help you?”

Let’s also not overlook the fact that the Vikings had explored the North American coast

500 years before Columbus.

(What’s in your wallet?)

Although it is hard to claim discovery of an already inhabited land,

the Columbus expedition did result in the first intertwining of Europe with the Americas.

(Okay, mon?)

Anywhoooooo.....

Here is my version of the Christopher Columbus poem......

In fourteen hundred and ninety-two

Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

It’s said Columbus discovered America, a brand new land

New to him, but not the inhabitants watching from the sand.

A Columbus discovery of America, is soaking wet

A lot like Al Gore, inventing the internet.

Enjoy your day off today

and remember to thank Christopher Columbus.

Tale of Two Stanleys

LET'S GET READY TO RUMMMBLE.

Another hockey season is already upon us.

It seems like the 2011 Stanley Cup Final was just played.

The Boston Bruins...along with goalie, Tim Thomas (a fellow UVM alum)

were the Stanley Cup goons....

I mean, Stanley Cup winners.

Woo hooo...Boston Bruins.

Each year, every player on the winning team is given the privilege

of spending personal time with the coveted trophy ...

with absolutely NO funny business allowed.

The players each look forward to their time with Slippery Stan.

Stanley's been to places like Vegas and Atlantic City....

been flying, clubbing, swimming, partying, drinking, boating.....

The Stanley Cup gets around the block as much as the otha playa,

Tiger Woods,

before his wife clubbed some sense into him...

and ended all his funny business.

Anywhooooo.....

Even though I've never spent time with Stanley's cup...

I mean, the Stanley Cup...

I've had some special moments with another Stanley....

Flat Stanley.

You know...Flat Stanley....the colored piece of cut-out paper...

 from the book written by Jeff Brown.

One day I received Flat Stanley in the mail from my niece with the assignment

to take him with me during my travels

and later send him back with a letter describing Stanley's adventures...

(so she could then report back to her 3rd grade class.) 

Yikes...
I was under some real pressure to entertain a piece of paper.

Seeing the Great Wall of China wasn't on my travel schedule...

I slipped Flat Stanley into my purse and headed to another Notable destination

Fenway Park in Boston.

I promptly propped Stanley up in all sordid places and positions and took pics of him.

And I made sure that Stanley was returned to sender, just as flat as I received him....

no wrinkles, rips, or crinkles on my Flat Stanley watch.

Maybe it's just me...but I can't help but notice the similarities between...

Flat Stanley and the Stanley Cup

They both

are carried around to many different locations,

are frequently photographed, 

are required to be returned in good shape,

AND are often times handled by goons...

with a few missing teeth.

Two-Faced Cat

We've all heard the unattractive expression "two-faced"...

but woah...

this pic gives the expression a multi-faceted meaning.

Meet Frank 'n Louie,

the oldest living Two-Faced Cat.

(By the way, Kibbles 'n Bits to the owner

for coming up with such a clever name.

A cat with two faces rightfully deserves two formidable names.

Although...I'm thinking Frank 'n Stein might have been more appropriate.)

I can just picture the facial expressions of horror

whenever a stranger bends down to pet Frank 'n Stein...

Oh yea right...Frank 'n Louie.

The cat's face doesn't exactly scream "TAKE ME HOME."

Actually, that's more like what you'd scream after one good look.

Let's face it (yes, you have to)...

one close look at this cat's face and most would do an about-face,

outta there.

I'm sure Frank 'n Louie is a sweet and cuddly tabby, but clearly....

the cat has a face only an owner could love.

Anywhoooooo.........

Apparently 12 years is a long time for a two-faced cat to live.

Hence, Frank 'n Louie is listed in the Guinness World Book of Records.

I don't get the big deal. Everyone knows a cat has 9 lives...

so according to my calculations, a cat with 2 faces must easily get 18 years.

Actually, the two-faced cat shouldn't be that much of a surprise to us.

Aren't we used to seeing two-faced cats in Washington...

all the time?????

MeOW OW OW

(ps.  No two-faced KAT comments allowed.)

30 Years "So Happy Together"

I have been hitched, tied, and attached to my ball and chain

for 30 years...

whew, that’s a long time.

(I find it interesting that words referring to marriage are so torturous.)

Being the traditionalists that we are...

PaulA and I will be observing our special anniversary traditions...

which include wearing my wedding dress.

(That would be me wearing the dress...not PaulA. PaulA wears a larger dress size.)

It may sound a little strange, but I put my wedding dress on every anniversary.

(During my preggo years, I left it wide open in the back.) 

(Big C...you are in there somewhere.)

I haven’t exactly taken special care of my wedding gown.

The most I’ve done to preserve it is to store it in a blue Rubbermaid container in our basement.

I have to admit, my dress has faded and is not as white as it used to be.

But then again, I’m a little faded and not as bright as I used to be.

So this evening PaulA and I will be dancing to our special song “Something So Right”

sung by Barbra Streisand.

Barbra won’t be in the room with us...but I like to pretend she is.

Back when our kids were little, they would sit on the couch

and watch with wide-eyed amazement...as we waltzed around the family room.

(Dancing with the Stars...here we come.)

A few years later...they’d sit on the same couch,

roll their eyes, and make jeering comments….

“You actually wore that dress on your wedding day? That’s how you guys danced?”

Now they call us asking,

“You wore your wedding dress and danced to your song, right?”

Anywhoooooo.......

The icing on the wedding cake (yum), is PaulA’s card.

I always look forward to his card …which is so beautifully written.

Hallmark eat your own cake.

That is when I cry….a nice happy cry....

not the ugly, snot bubble-through-the-nostrils cry.

So if you peek in our windows tonight…(I’m calling the cops)...

you’re sure to get a glimpse of Kat and PaulA still doing

“Something So Right.”

My dress may have faded...but our love

still sparkles.

Hello October

Hello October...

Where did September go?

It is SCARY how fast time flies.

rabbit

rabbit

rabbit

(sorry for the nightmares, Big C.)