Electric Love

We received a love letter from our electric company. They compared our usage for the past 6 months with the same period last year, and we had conserved energy! They are giving us the maximum (20 %) off some base rate of something….anyway, that is the most love you could hope to receive from a utility company.

So I got to thinking…turning a few things down, off, or out really does help! PaulA used to come home from work at night and wonder when the party started…every light in the house was on. I decided everyone looks better in low lighting…so why not turn a few off! I have “seen the light” and I am now a reformed Power hog.

I have appointed myself Power Gestapo and surveyed the situation. These are my findings:

Kat never turns the computer off …it is on 24/7. If you have me on your buddy list…it looks like I have actually become the computer because I am always on and connected to the internet, even when I’m at the mall….I mean cleaning house. So that sucker is getting shut down…when I sleep.

Christmas lights…I almost complained how it seemed like PaulA was taking a few shortcuts with the lights outside, but since I am a reformed Power hog, I realize “less is more.”…huh? In the fall we cut down two trees (they were overgrown, for all you tree huggers) and replaced them with smaller bushes. Now we only need a baby strand of lights instead of the usual tangled 45 …saved there.

Neighbors…different story…they go nutso with Christmas lights. They’ve got the entire roof outlined so Santa won’t forget them. I’m sure they have more lights than last year. I bet I would be really popular if I stopped by and said, “Excuse me…but ….you have TOO MANY LIGHTS…you have surpassed your quota for the season!” Isn’t that my job as self-appointed Power Gestapo?

Hmm…just noticed a glaring misuse of power …PaulA’s electric toothbrush…now, that’s got to go……

If we keep it up, the power company might send us another love letter.

Every Kiss Begins With Kay

I’ve read that the bathroom scale is the worst gift a man could give a woman…duh, do you really need to be told this? “Man, you are hurting if this is anywhere on your radar.” The second-to-worst gift….is an appliance (unless of course the guy can be stuffed into it.) If gift giving were up to Kay Jewelers, the perfect gift would be diamonds. After all, every kiss begins with Kay.

In the commercial, he surprises her with a diamond. She goes ga-ga over it… she reaches over, caresses his face and plants a big kiss. She now has a twinkle in her eye, replacing previous daggers …and you know what that means….she might be nice to him…at least for a week.

After receiving the shiny rock, she decides her boyfriend or husband isn’t so bad after all. Before he gave her the diamond…he was “okay” at best… but now, all of a sudden, he is lovable and actually kissable. She is madly and deeply consumed with emotion and can not contain her irresistible urge to give him a juicy kiss…smack on the kisser. Before the diamond...he was lucky to get a peck on the cheek.

Unfortunately men are led to believe that the only way to a woman’s kiss is with diamonds. These poor guys are made to feel that if they don’t get the woman in their life a diamond…they are a dud...a low-down, lousy, cheap, son-of-a-scoundrel. Men are made to feel that diamonds are the only thing that will get their woman’s attention and adoration.

Now, come on…please do not be fooled. We welcome emeralds, sapphires, rubies, pearls...

The Family Holiday Photo

Holiday dilemma…what to send for a Christmas card? Before we had kids, we sent pretty Hallmark cards…because we care to send the very best.

Then we had bambinos...in our case, Helamonsters. We were so happy and proud of our little wonders that we sent photos of them with Santa…wearing their holiday outfits and their Santa-phobia faces. Over the years, we were receiving the same kind of kid photos. We started asking ourselves… “Who are these kids anyway?” We decided we liked pictures of the entire family. Enter…the dreaded family photo.

Not so easy …to capture 3 antsy kids and 2 stressed out parents in a Norman Rockwell photograph. We needed someone to do the honors… so we’d ask either Auntie Areyousure, Uncle Pleasenotme or Stranger Whyme. Using an old box camera we would take a whole roll of film, and hope to high hopes, that one of those pictures was okay… “Nice job, but didn’t you see that little Colinboy had his finger up his nose?”

Then the kids grew to be big kids, and the Christmas photo card took on another dimension…it had to pass the Chels-test. “You can’t send that out…What if my friends see I have a crazy brother!”

Holiday picture time 2007… It is hard to get 5 people in the same place…usually one is MIA or one is still in bed. But alas, Jupiter aligned with Mars…we were all present…just missing someone to take the picture…

Idea… “Hey, let’s use the handy dandy timer on the new digital camera.” So we place everyone in position…balance the camera on a ladder…Take a look…Nope, need more height…add books…adjust ladder…rebalance. Then PaulA pushes the timer and scrambles around to get with us in the picture. Checks it… darn, need a retake…the wind was blowing. Checks it…shoot, need a retake…eyes are closed. Checks it…shucks, need a retake…the dog is taking a pee…

Whew...we are done. We dismantle the ladder and each take-off in different directions. Later we realize Colinboy has a funny expression in every photo…and I’m not talking funny-haha…and the dog appears bored with the whole production as he stares at his latest paw pedicure.

So when you get our family holiday photo…and see all of us smiling (okay maybe not Colinboy) realize the blood, sweat, and tears that went in to that picture…. because we care to send the very best.

Eyes On The Road

Okay, I got caught …..dancing today. Well, that would be dancing in my car. Doesn’t every one dance while driving? You’ve got the radio on and a really good song comes on, so you turn the sound way up. Next thing you know, you start tapping the steering wheel to the beat, then moving your head up and down. Then you do some serious head bobbing like one of those bobble head dolls. Before you know it, you really get into it…you can’t stop yourself...you start wiggling in your seat…you move your shoulders, then your bod and “maneuver” as much as you can while driving a car. I have a friend, Coleen, who is very good at this….she’s almost a pro. She can seat dance to “Burning Down the House” by the Talking Heads... like it’s nobody’s business.

So today, I got caught….You know the feeling when someone is watching you…you slowly turn your head and look over and “shoot, they got me.” Yup, a little smirk from the driver in the next lane. “Come on, eyes forward, aren’t ya supposed to be watching the road here!!??”

The other thing I love to do is sing in my car. That is something you can totally get away with, especially these days. Bluetooth has totally saved me from embarrassment. Not that I have Bluetooth in my car, but I just pretend that I do. So I sing freely like I would in the shower… If someone looks over and sees me…I just pretend like I’m talking on the phone in my car…. Actually they could probably careless, but somehow I just feel better about it all.

The other day I saw a man “playing the drums” with both hands while he drove, holding imaginary sticks and rapping out the beat……Look around, it’s funny what you’ll see in the next car over…just don’t let them catch you looking!!!!!

Hello It's Me

You gotta love technology today. I can get in touch with my college kids 24/7…through IMs and emails on the computer…through texting and calling on the cell phone. That is, if they pick up. When I call them….NO answer. When they call me…I answer,“Hi Sweetie! How’s everything going?” Okay, I realize they see it says MOM on their caller id. Heck for all I know, they have a special ring tone attached to my number…probably plays the Wicked Witch music…you know, when she flies off on her bike with Toto…

You see, they know I am after them about something they don’t want to talk about….debit card purchases, cell phone bills, and their plan for the rest of their life….hehehe Chels

So when they get the picture that I mean business…. they text me…and say, “Sorry, in class” or “Can’t talk. In the library"…ooh, they are so clever. I text them back… “Too bad, I wanted to talk about your spring break”. Then I don’t pick up….ooh, I am so clever.

I once had a heated discussion with BigC on IM. It all started so innocently. As we got into the heavy stuff….the responses were flying back and forth at the speed of light. Boy can she type fast…but aha…I can keep up…I typed my way through college for spending money. Don’t mess with fastKAT. Then things escalated…and I have to say…it was BigC’s fault. You see, she started yelling at me… she changed to capital letters! My turn…I hit Caps Lock…back at ya, girlfriend.

The more intense our ims got, the harder and faster I pushed the keys down…and she was doing the same….we were having a full blown techno heated discussion. Back and forth we im’d…faster and harder. We then decided to call a truce…”OKAY FINE, BE THAT WAY”…. “FINE, YOU BE THAT WAY”…. “FINE”… “FINE’…“BYE”… “BYE.”

Whew, after that flurry, my fingers were killing me….it is tuff to have an argument on IM. Next time I’m gonna stick to the ole fashioned way… the phone…..that is, if they’ll answer a call from the Wicked Witch.

Maneuver This

It’s that time a year….for Holiday parties. When you get dressed up, (the blinking holiday tie that plays “Deck the Halls” and those flashy festive outfits), drink a little bubbly or a little eggnog, eat a lot of food, and then hit the dance floor….That is, if the mood hits you, or the eggnog kicks in…whichever comes first. So brush up on those dance steps because there’s some “maneuvering” to do…

We once met this “chick” from California who referred to dancing as “maneuvering”…now that makes so much sense. First of all, you maneuver to get a space on a crowded dance floor. Then you try to maneuver your body in a way that it resembles dancing, instead of vertical convulsions.

Last weekend PaulA and I went to a club holiday party. Otherwise known as a fancy party in the burbs around the holidays. They had a clever name to try to disguise it, but it had “party for old folks”…written all over it. So yes, that is why I was there!

It was actually a beautiful party, with great food, fun people and a band. The singer sounded like Frank Sinatra which put a new twist on “She’s a Brick House” …very hip. You should have seen us move…we got all our body parts moving, not always in-synch…but they were moving. There’s the lady on the dance floor who didn’t work out that morning, so she’s doing her routine while her husband shuffles his feet around. Then there’s the guy who is rockin’ it hard and sweating through his shirt. And the couple that swing each other so well that they clear the deck with every turn. My hubby and I could never win Dancing with the Stars. Heck, I can’t even get him to watch it. Maneuvering is fun though, I think we should maneuver whenever possible.

It was a relatively tame party….no table maneuvering…no lap maneuvering. No one would need to don a cap and sunglasses to enter Starbucks.

Rockin' Governor

Jon Bon Jovi for Governor. Honest, I’m not clever enough to make this stuff up. I heard he is thinking about running for Governor of New Jersey. Maybe when you are a rock star anything is possible…even rule the world…or maybe start with the state of New Jersey. People probably tell him he’s “all that” … all day. So he’s thinking, “Man, Jersey needs me.” Now why would Bon Jovi want to do this? Doesn’t he realize he’ll have to go to Newark and Hackensack? So if he can run for Gov., maybe there’s hope for me with my new life aspiration…I’m thinking of becoming spokesperson for Dyslexic Drummers. And Colinboy…Music School was definitely a wise choice…look at all the possibilities…rock star turn Governor.

You know people in N.J. might actually vote for him. They might want a cool rocker guy in office….one that looks good in jeans and leather. The rest of the country might even remember the state…for a change. Jersey usually gets an unfair rap when it comes to image so he could help them with that. Governor Bon Jovi’s P.R. slogan: “Visit New Jersey, we promise you a rockin’ good time.

Jon Bon Jovi just might have a chance for Governor of New Jersey. That is, if Bruce Springsteen doesn’t want the job. Brrruuuuuccccceeee……