Broke Tuesday

Black Friday...Cyber Monday…Broke Tuesday.

After Thanksgiving Day, did you go to the Taj MaMall looking for deals? For some…hitting the stores is part of their Thanksgiving tradition starting with…..

Eating mounds of Turkey, getting high on tryptophan and falling asleep at 7 pm…waking up @ 4am on Black Friday to nab the Early Bird specials…coming home and taking a nap…watching Football…for 3 days…dozing in and out of consciousness on the couch…and manning (not the brothers) the computers Monday morning for internet shopping, when you really should be working.

So are the sales on Cyber Monday just a marketing gimmick? I would say…you bet your sweet cyber-ass it’s a gimmick. But Cyber Monday shopping has become an American tradition…like fireworks, a lit match, and large amounts of alcohol on the Fourth of July.

As far as this Kat is concerned, any deals on Cyber Monday are given on the dregs that didn’t sell in stores on Black Friday. They would be considered Thanksgiving leftovers….like the smelly turkey, stuffing, and cranberry I still have in my frig. The real deals come in mid-December…when retailers realize they are gonna be stuck with all that gimmicky, sparkly, gadgety crap, unless they do something drastic.

Anywhoooooooo…………….

Cyber Monday basically is a designated day (probably designed by Hallmark) to create an online shopping momentum…using a type of hype that we skype. (I love a forced rhyming sequence.)

Over the weekend, I got at least 100 emails informing me about different Cyber Monday deals. But nothing that made me jump on my laptop, desktop, or rooftop.

I did notice, however, that there wasn’t one single deal or sale on a fruitcake. The fruitcake is always in high demand and commands top dollar…any time of the season….probably because of the fruitcake’s unique versatility to double as food/doorstopper.

Note to self: Remember to order a larger fruitcake for Uncle Freddy this year. Uncle Freddy has a huge appetite and extra heavy doors that need stopping.

So for those who over-indulged with holiday shopping….enjoy a good Broke Tuesday. (Not to be confused with Broke Back Tuesday.)

Pass the Turducken

How many of you out there have heard of turducken, raise your wings?

Apparently this Thanksgiving…I could have had a turducken. Instead of the usual Thanksgiving Day turkey…gobble gooble gooble…I could have feasted on the triple threat of birds…the turducken…turkey, duck and chicken.

Three birds in one…gobble, quack, cluck.

Pass the turducken, please.

When I first heard about the Super Bird, I cried foul. On the outside, the turducken appears like the usual fowl weathered feathered friend who is fattened up for our tryptophan coma. A turkducken, however, is a bird of a different feather. Inside the turducken, lurks 2 other birds quacking and clucking to get out.

For me…the description of the triple bird spurred a triple response …shock/terror/nausea. The de-boned chicken…stuffed into a de-boned duck…stuffed into a de-boned turkey…reminded me of Russian nesting dolls, in poultry form.

Question to self: What wine goes best with a turducken?

Anywhooooooooo……….

The turducken doesn’t fly with me, but a 3-in-1 dessert idea would be a lot sweeter and surely take-off. Let me propose the Munchnutake ……munchkin/donut/cake. Dunkin Donuts munchkins…stuffed into glazed donuts…stuffed into cake.

Reminder to self: Contact Dunkin Donuts with Munchnutake suggestion.

I can just imagine cutting into a Munchnutake…slicing through 3 layers of confection…initiating a triple response…salivation, exhilaration, and satisfaction. Saweet………….

Maybe next Thanksgiving I’ll work on some new side dishes. I’m thinking of…corn and peas baked inside a butternut squash…and gravy inside mashed potatoes.

Such a CAPITAL idea. We all know our food ends up in the same place anyway…and this will surely cut down on the clean-up time with the dishes.

Brilliant Kat, just Brilliant.

Giving Thanks

This is the time of year when we should take stock in what is truly important…your stock/bond portfolio.

As I was saying friends and family are what is most important. And also for me…my blog readers. I would like to take this time to offer you my Thanks for giving any acknowledgment to my blog….whether it be empathy, sympathy, telepathy, or Timothy.

I am soooooo grateful for my faithful blog readers. Without you this blog wouldn’t be possible. Without you I would be…just a pretty girl sitting on my bed, strumming my guitar, and singing my songs to my stuffed animals…(Am I sounding like Taylor Swift yet, Wishy?)

Anywhooooooooo………

Enjoy the day today...a day of college football, Taj Ma Mall shopping, and left-overs, left-overs, LEFT-OVERS.

Go Bama....Beat Auburn.

Let the holiday madness begin.

Renewed License to Eat

Tomorrow is THE day to gobble up everything in sight. So wear your stretchy pants…put extra holes in your belt…DO NOT HOLD BACK. Thanksgiving is not the day to count calories, fat, carbs, OR pieces of pie.

Consider Turkey Day to be the day you have a license to eat. As you can see my license has been renewed…yet another year.

Name: fatKAT
Eyes: Brown
Appetite: Enormous
DOB: MYOB
Legally entitled: to eat everything in sight.
Expiration: November 25, 2010 at midnight.



Anywhooooooooooo………………

From dawn until midnight…I will have my way with the turkey and the turkey will have its way with me.

I will fill and feast…on fowl.
Gorge, gobble, and gulp…the gravy.
Scarf, stuff and swallow…the squash.
Devour and down….the dressing.
Pack and pig-out…on potatoes and pie.
Consume, congest and cram…the corn.
Overeat and overindulge…the orange/cran relish.
Wolf and wallow…in wax beans.

If anyone dares to question my ravenous appetite…I’ll just flash them my license and say, “Listen Buster….read it and eat.”

Quit the Bellyaching

Sometimes we need to quit our bellyaching and grumbling....it's an easy trap to fall into. I hate to get on my high horse…or on my high (blog) chair… but sometimes we need to take stock of what’s important in life. Note to self: People are in desperate need of your advice. Write a self-help book.

Many times we have no business complaining, especially when there are real complaints to be had. Like my mom used to say to me when I was a child, “No sense in crying over spilt milk.” I thought it was a figure of speech…until I spilled milk on her rug…then we took turns crying.

Anywhoooooo........

How about the complaints from the passengers on the Carnival Cruise Lines. A fire in the ship’s engine room left them without electricity for a few days. Luckily no was hurt as a result of the fire…just heavily inconvenienced. But oh...did they complain when they reached port side.

The complaint cup runneth over with what there was to eat. It was downright unthinkable that they had to eat cereal for breakfast. OMG say it isn't so....a bowl of Cheerios and fruit…no Eggs Benedict or egg burrito? And downright unfathomable that there was salad for lunch…AND just salad and sandwiches for dinner. Thank god for the free booze to keep them from eating each other.

Naturally those on the cruise had envisioned a different vacation...so I understand their disappointment. Their Carnival Cruise wasn’t exactly a carnival or a picnic. But Carnival didn’t plan a “cruise from hell” for their patrons...where they got together and said, "Let's ruin the vacation of three thousand people and damage our reputation."

Carnival tried to compensate with a refund and also offered passengers a voucher for a future cruise. Plus…they didn’t charge them for the all the great stories they got to tell their friends.

After listening to all their grumbling...I was surprised they didn’t make the captain walk the gangplank…at fork point. Apparently cruisers are cruising for the unlimited, non-stop, 24-hour, stuff your face…feeding frenzy.

A little food for thought: With the Thanksgiving holiday coming soon (2 days…man those ovens) we should be thankful for ANY grub in our bellies…especially when there are those with real belly aching and grumbling due to lack of nutriment. And those with bellyaching due to rugs ruined by spilt milk.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye

Hear ye, Hear ye, Hear ye……..

“Friends, Romans, Countrymen, and anyone else who gives a rat’s ass…lend me your ear. Prince William and Kate Middleton are officially engaged.

With thee announcement last week of thee engagement of Prince William and Kate Middleton…Kate can stop singing the Snow White tune, “Some day My Prince will come.”

The British press says the reason for the 10 year courtship was because Prince William wanted to ‘be sure’…before he popped the question. Their courtship was so long, the Press had given Kate the nickname, “Waity Katy.”

So…I pop this question to the Brit Press…What makes you so sure Kate was in a hurry to marry the Prince?

I realize Kate is a commoner…but the Press attaches “commoner” to her name like it’s a dirty word. It’s not like Kate had to sing for her supper every night. “Please sir, may I have some more.” Kate attended private school and grew up in the countryside in a 5 bedroom house…granted she did have to cook her own dinner and drive her own car. OMG.

Okay, now that I think about it…maybe I’m wrong. (Off with my head…to the gallows I go.) Kate will become a Princess and be married to the future King of England. She will live a royal life…where every wish is her command and every pearl is her necklace. She will have literally and figuratively turned the tables from “Waity Katy” …to “Waiting on Katy.”

With her upcoming marriage to Prince William…Kate’s ship has come in with a boat load of privileges that not even Snow White could have dreamt of. Kate will soon be singing a new tune, “On the Good Ship Lollipop.”

Anywhooooooooooo……..

I got to wondering….hmmmm….What will Kate have for a last name? I’m guessing it will be “of Wales.” Like her betrothed…Prince William of Wales.

For some reason, the royals don’t have regular surnames like Middleton, Jones, or Garcia. They have names like “of York”...“of Wessex”...“of Cornwall”...and my favorite “in a can.” Do you remember that Prince? Prince Albert in a can? He was the rage when I was in 4th grade.

Opting for the Other Option

How about John Tyner, the man who refused to go through the body scanner at the San Diego Airport and yelled during his "enhanced" pat-down, "If you touch my junk, I will have you arrested."

For those of you who aren’t intimately familiar with an "enhanced" pat-down...it involves enough touching of private parts...that when it’s over...you’ll be looking for a smoke.

Anywhoooooo......

How do you feel about the TSA screening process? Personally, I don't like the time required around security...the disrobing, the dismemberment, the disfiguring...and then having to put everything back together...re-robing, re-membering, and re-figuring. But if it's gonna save my ass from being blown to shit (sorry about the visual)...I will do it.

Some feel the body scanner is invasive, violating, and even porn. Really? Porn? Hugh Heffner’s magazine would have folded pretty fast if he tried to pass off body scan pictures as porn.

There are also those who are leery about radiation. I've heard the amount of radiation received from the scanner is minimal. If you use a microwave and talk incessantly on your cell phone...you can't be that worried.

So who would opt-out of body scanning and opt for the other option...the "enhanced" pat-down? I think ya gotta wonder about the person in line for a thorough groping...especially if that person is smiling. They might be looking forward to it waaay too much.

There is a grass roots movement calling for a National Opt-Out Day to protest TSA airport security measures. It’s scheduled for the Wednesday before Thanksgiving which happens to be the busiest travel day of the year. Increased numbers of people opting-out and requiring pat-downs would cause total chaos and delay of flights. What turkeys would purposely want to change the flow of events leading up to Thanksgiving...besides the ones scheduled to be served that day?

I think those who are planning to mess up our day of thanks...should dispose of their attitudes and go with the flow. We have turkey, potatoes, stuffing, squash, and pies to gobble down. Do NOT get in our weigh.