Earth Day-another year/same dirt

It may be

but for me

it's another year...same dirt.

Today is a day that I won't forget... 

no matter how many earth rotations pass.  

It was the day 

I wanted to bury an elementary school principal…

six feet under Motha Earth.

But instead of risking jail time…

I merely trampled all over Mr. Principal 

with a befitting pair of earth shoes.

I’m sure you’re wondering what earthly reason

I would have to go after a school principal...

(especially one who was very popular with parents and kids.)

To break it down and sum it all up…

bigC was in the fifth grade and had attended an Earth Day Fair during school.

When she got home, she excitedly told me

that a man at one of the Fair booths stuck her with needles.

A man? With needles?

I immediately called the principal.

 Apparently ‘the man” was an acupuncturist

and used Chelsea’s arm to demonstrate his art of stick ‘em.

When a teacher saw what was going on…she shut his demo down.

But that was after Chels had become his personal pin cushion.

The principal did his best to assure me

that bigC would be fine

and to not worry about her contracting a pin cushion disease...

but it was hard to calm me down as I 

rightly questioned him on Earth Day...
“Where on earth is this okay?"

"Who on earth would do this?"

"What on earth is going on?”

And then my final "I'm-coming-for-you

promise/threat.

“If ANYTHING happens to Chelsea…

If she comes down with so much as a sniffle…

You will be living  HELL on earth.”

Happy Earth Day, Mr. Principal.

Anywhooooo.....

It is naturally instinctive for all mothers on this great EARTH to protect their young…

no matter what species they belong to.

And this Kat…would do anything to protect her kittens.

 Anything.
I've occasionally run over into 

the principal over the years

and I'm very cordial,

but I do give him the stink eye…

just so he remembers that I have dirt on him.

He never fails to forget me

and I'm sure he has told his wife…

"should something happen to me,

look for...

earth shoe prints."

Like driving in L.A.?

Driving in L.A. is like 
a waay gnarly experience 

(as I like quickly discovered while visiting.)

Here's some 

hella dope advice...
for driving in the Land of LA-LA…
"Drive both defensively and offensively."

It would like behoove (yes, behoove) you 

to be cautious of other drivers around you, 

AND

at the same time 

ready to put your lead foot down...

pedal to the metal style

and speed by raging lunatics

 to avoid impending trouble.

(So like...put some offense in that defense.)

Driving in LA is exactly 180 degrees different 

(and 2,950 miles apart)

 from driving on Interstate 89 in VT.  

On Interstate 89 you only have to defend against an occasional falling rock 
or a

sketchy 

derelict deer.

This Kat 
(I like to refer to myself in the 3rd person) 

is not used to 5 and 6 lanes of highway

going in the same direction…

especially when I'm not sure of my direction.

 That is why I employ 

(actually she's not paid a lot)

Gabby, my GPS
who is like
locked and loaded on my phone as co-pilot 

to help me navigate the 

highways, byways, and freeways.

I love how Gabby shouted out directions...

ala Californian style …

telling me to take 

THE 405.
(Totally Epic)

Now I'm wondering if I like employ Gabby in Maine,

would she give directions ala Maine-iac style?

"You can't get there from here."

The problem I had with Gabby in LA LA Land 
was her delay in calling out directions. 

There were like two many times (yes 2) 

when Gabby told me to take THE 405

but a little too late

so I like had to risk my
life, limb, and lunch

trying to get over lanes.

Duuude...Thanks not for the heads up.
Totally not cool.

Anywhoooo……

whatevs

I sure miss my trusty legit co-pilot.

The cute guy who is head and shoulders above Gabby.

PaulA you presume?

awww  nawww…not that guy.

This guy....

the best co-pilot. ever. 

Duncandog barked out directions 
better than the best of them.

"Okay,Dunc...direct me to the nearest In-N-Out
for a double double animal style."

Like Later, Dudes

Foolish Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit

It's April 1st.

Hare's hoping 

you don't get fooled today!

Anywhooo.....

Rabbit

Rabbit

Rabbit

meow

Misremembers & Misstatements

Does anyone else miss Brian Williams on the NBC news?

I gotta say...

Lester Holtz is looking mighty comfy 

in BriWi's old seat.

It has to be a painful for Brian Williams 
to watch Lester settling in...
making that perfect rump impression in his chair.

A so-called "misstatement" and a "misremembering" 

have gotten both 

NBC Newscaster Brian Williams and 

Veteran Affairs Secretary Robert McDonald 

in a heap of trouble.  

(Apparently there is a bad case of the "mis" going around.)

McDonald says he made a "misstatement" when he said 

he had "been in the Special Forces" 
and 

Brian Williams says he "misremembers" when he said 

he had "been on a helicopter that went down during the U.S. invasion of Iraq."

Excuuuuuuuse me sirs….

but a lie is a lie...

not a "misstatement" nor a "misremembering."

I'm not saying these guys are scoundrels or bad guys,  

just calling them out for lying.

Anywhoooo……..

When my kids were growing up I warned them about the
pitfalls of lying...
(careful kids or you, too, could look like this) 

However, should the inevitable occur…

they should always admit they lied.

Then after having a talk with them about 
right & wrong, trust, and values…

we might go out for ice cream...
because as you know...

ice cream makes everything nice-nice.

The BriWi and McDonald Pinocchios 
are not setting a good example

by trying to water down their lies with a little "mis."
(although a little Swiss Miss does require water.)

They should be calling them 
what they really are...

  full strength, 

100 proof, 

bold face, 

big ass, 

LIES.

I have a Kat message/advice for Brian Williams:

"Man up, BriWi.

you're my favorite face 

(albeit a bit crooked face) 

to watch on network news and I hope you get back to broadcasting.

Maybe if you just admitted to the public

and to the NBC execs

 that you are sorry 

for lying

then maybe...
just maybe...

the NBC executives would take you out for ice cream

 and  

give you your show back.

(You might want to stay away from the rocky road...
just saying.)

Then to win back public approval...
go on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."
Ellen, like ice cream, makes everything nice-nice.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Top o' the mornin' to ya.....

Tis this St. Paddy's day mornin' 

I’m remembering past St. Paddy's days with our

wee ones… 

running around the house looking for 

signs of the mischievous leprechauns.

You know the signs…

green milk, green bottled water, green toilet water...

whatever could be turned magically green

from a few drops of food coloring.

I mean...from sheer leprechaun magic.

Anywhooooo………..

Even if you don’t have a drop of green Irish blood 

running through your veins, 

today you have license to celebrate and

get your Irish on

like an Irishman with several pints of Guinness running through his veins.

Today I’ll be wearing o' the green, 

drinking o' the green, 

and talking o' the green... 

even though we are in Puerto Rico.

If I can't find a green beer on this Island...

a frozen Mojito 

(or dos)

will do.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day 

(Feliz dia de San Patricio)

to all you lads and lassies, 

and special Irish blessings to 

PaulA, Chelsea, Austin, Colin, Brianna.

"May you find a pot of gold 

at the end of every 

rainbow."

A Fish Tale with "Reel Fishermen"

I gotta give props to the 

fisherman of the world…

the salty men and women 

who catch our fish dinners.

Being a "reel fisherman" ain't easy duty…

heading out to sea before sunrise,

braving the wind, waves, and weather,

handling bait and hooks,

stringing fishing poles and casting lines,
cutting and cleaning their catch,

washing fish blood and gore from the boat floor

need I go on?

I actually saw first hand what it takes to bring home the Fish.
While in Cabo 

we got hooked up for a day of fishing.

We were determined by hook 
or by lure
to be fisherman and

 catch our fish dinner that night.

And

we were almost like "Reel Fisherman" except we didn't 

drive the boat,

get the  bait,

bait the hook,

string the poles,

cast the lines,

deal with fish guts

need I go on?

I gotta give props to the reel fisherman onboard 

who made us look good 
and handed us the pole

when it came to reeling in the fish.

way to go, Esperanza

And props to PabloA 

for holding on to me 

while I was reeling in a really "reely" BIG one 
before I became Katfishbait.

(okay, maybe that's a stretch...
you can take that with a grain of salt, tartar sauce or guacamole.) 

Anywhoooooo……

As you know... 
every good fish tale

 ends with a big catch.  

Lucky for us...
the "Reel Fisherman" found where the fish were biting …
and we pulled them in faster than you could 

shoot them in a barrel (who does that for real?)

And Dugal reeled in our fish dinner...
a 55 lb Amberjack 
(or maybe it  was 25 lb.
Remember, this is a fish tale.)

poor fishy

So from sea to table...
our fish couldn't have been fresher.

(props to PabloA, Dugal, and Jorge

 who cooked us 3 different fish versions in our 

 Amberjack Cook-off.)

We weren't too worried, however,

if we had come up empty fish-handed.
(no problema, amigo)

We would just stop by Mickey's cart near the marina...

 and Mickey and Dugal 

would cook us up the best burger and hot dog 
in all of San Jose de Cabo…

and then of course...

we'd drink like fish.

Rabbit, Rabbit, Rabbit

As English superstition/tradition has it...

in order for you to pocket
a month of Good Luck,

you must say 

 "rabbit"

OUT LOUD...
three times.

(I don't invent these rules...I just enforce them.)

And put away that lame rabbit's foot you carry around in your pocket.

A rabbit's foot won't bring you luck....

unless you can authenticate that it is...

the left hind foot of
a rabbit that was shot or captured in a cemetery
during a full moon...then maybe.

Anywhoooooo.......

In keeping with the upcoming St. Patrick's Day holiday...

3 O'Hares

Rabbit

Rabbit

Rabbit

Happy March 1st