Bonfire of the Vanities

I think vanity plates are fun….especially the ones that are tricky to decode. It gives me something to do while driving…Otherwise, I’m left singing my head off and texting. Hey, that was just to get your attention…I never text and drive. But I do sing and drive…and occasionally text and sing.

When I bought my first new car…the kind with 48 monthly payments….I had a vanity plate. I requested “Kat” from the DMV, but two other Kats had the same brilliant idea. “Kat” and “Kat1” were already taken…so they sent me “Kat2.” I figured Kat2 was okay…I had twice the katness. And if I ever ran into the other Kats…I could say, “Hey, I’m Kat2.”…(sorry, bad jokes are a blogger hazard.)

Vanity plates can tell a lot about the person. “HOTGRL,” “CHRG-IT,” “BRN2BWD"…kinda cute…but mostly obnoxious. I guess that’s the reason they call them vanity plates.

There is a major downside to owning a vanity plate…they're a built-in GPS system. People always know where you are. So instead of driving an incognito blue Chevy Malibu…like the millions of others out there…you're driving a blue Chevy Malibu with the vanity plate “DMBLND”...which screams, “Hey, I’m over here now.” Regular smoke signal from the bonfire of the vanities.

When folks meet up with you…they like to let you know where they saw your car last. “Hey, I was driving behind you when you almost hit that mailbox…were you texting?” “I saw your car at the Hair Loft… probably taking care of those roots, eh?” Or “I saw your car at Joe’s Bar at 3pm …on a Tuesday. I guess you were getting a head start on happy hour.”

I’ve been thinking about getting a vanity plate again…regardless of the GPS radar. If people get a charge seeing my car at the adult book store, then so be it.

But I have to come up with something clever…something that fits my personality. I suppose I could go with the obvious…“Blogger," or something that matches my vanity …“QTPIE," but my number one contender right now is…………..katOUT